Posting daily at 1pm central about all kinds of things. One day it's dating, the next it's TV commercials. I hope you're entertained. Professional photos on SmugMug – https://benwilder.smugmug.com
I’m triggered. We shouldn’t be doing two things at once, no matter what Travis Kelce says in the Pfizer commercial. Instacart gives us exhibit A with their football game and grocery store ad. “I always have great cell coverage at football games,” said no one ever. Even if you have some reception, are you really going on Instacart to order groceries? Get real, puffy coat dad.
Now to clarify, there are at least two versions of this Instacart commercial. In one, and I’m sorry for this, there’s a horrendous song that goes along with it. Watch that one here and again, listen at your own peril. It’s bad. The other version doesn’t include the song, but still has these peculiar puffy coats worn only by the dad and the son.
Who can explain these coats without including George Costanza from “Seinfeld”?
via The Wall Street Journal
There IS such thing as too puffy. Unless you’re Sean Combs. Or a magic dragon. Or a big bad wolf. The father and son are the only people wearing these abnormally thick jackets. Everyone sitting around them has normal, socially acceptable jackets and warm-weather outerwear. So why are they wearing these extra puffy puffer coats?
I haven’t found an answer except that they must be “Seinfeld” fans.
Lots of people are cursing the College Football Playoff Committee, ESPN, Kirk Herbstreet, and whoever else has any responsibility for how the playoffs were fumbled, pardon the pun, this year. The top 4 teams, actually I should say it this way– the 4 teams invited to the playoffs are Michigan, Washington, Texas, and Alabama. I won’t ask how a team ranked 8th somehow propelled up to #4 and the #4 team which won their conference championship and is 1 of 3 undefeated teams in the top 10 dropped to #5 because the answer is undefinable.
There is plenty of unfairness in football. Even on a play by play basis, referees miss calls or make bad calls, players get away with skirting the rules, coaches too (*ahem* Michigan), but it’s just a real shame when the dollar holds more power than fairness. Some call snubbing FSU and UGA a mistake but that word– mistake– implies it was almost accidental. This exclusion was a conscious choice and makes it something way beyond a mistake… it’s practically sinister.
The anger felt by a lot of people is the same way, almost exactly, that I felt when FSU blindsided loyal fans with a venture co-managed by Nike, changing the decades-old logo because that’s what Nike wanted. Was it coincidence that this happened at the height of FSU’s relevance and popularity in the mid-2010s, right after winning the national championship? A new logo meant fans spending oodles and oodles of money but why didn’t they change the logo when FSU’s football team only had 7 wins and 4 losses? What a weird coincidence that the team was coming off a national championship and this huge change happened. The university’s and Nike’s greed was exposed and I haven’t forgiven them for it. Is it another weird coincidence that FSU is having a historic season and now the stadium is about to get an overhaul with the seating, and prices have gone up thousands for season ticket holders?
Obviously I’m still hurt and ticked off. But it has nothing to the guys on the football team this year. I hate that their season is ending in controversy because in the simplest terms: it’s not fair. Maybe it’s a great life lesson but they have the rest of their lives to learn lessons like that. For this moment, what they earned and deserved was stolen and given to a team that didn’t deserve or earn it.
They did everything they could do to make it to the college football playoffs but came up a bit short… by… winning all their games and winning their conference championship. If only they could’ve… won all their games and won their conference champ– wait, this is bizarre. Controversy aside, going 13-0 is so much better than where they were just a few years ago. Remember the “turnover backpack”?
For new FSU fans or anyone just getting into college sports, this backpack was a real thing. If it’s possible to somehow make it less embarrassing, many teams had some sort of gimmick that (I think) started with the University of Miami having a “turnover chain.”
The turnover backpack is one of the worst things FSU has contributed to college football. But now the committee has done something even more embarrassing which will hurt college football for years, possibly decades. But the silver lining is that at least there hasn’t been a turnover backpack seen on the FSU sideline in years.
Taylor Swift is celebrating her 34th birthday today. With a worldwide tour, a new boyfriend, and covering Time Magazine as “person of the year,” not much is going wrong for the artist formerly known as a country artist. She was born on December 13, 1989, henceforth why her favorite number is 13. I still secretly hope it’s because she loves Dan Marino. I can’t fathom any other reason better than the iconic 13 on that Dolphins jersey.
Dan Marino, if you’re reading this, I love you.
Sharing the Christmas season with a birthday season is something I can relate to. The lights, decorations, giving presents, time with family, all add up to a special part of the year and having a birthday, too, makes it even more special. Did I mention this is my birthday month?
I don’t share December with Taylor, she shares it with me! *In my best Joe Keery Taco Bell delivery* But seriously, there are people who love Taylor, as we all know. There are also people that don’t understand her popularity. But no matter how you feel about her, remember this about Taylor Swift: it’s my birthday month, too. Have I said that yet? Plus, unlike SOMEONE we know, I won’t ruin football by dating a cheerleader from your favorite team! I’m not saying there’s a Taylor Swift curse on the Kansas City Chiefs but I’m also NOT saying they’re ISN’T a Taylor Swift curse. Since Taylor started dating Travis Kelce, the team is kinda falling apart. Come to your own conclusion.
Is the team distracted? Maybe Mahomes is jealous of Kelce being in more commercials than Shaquille O’Neal, who’s in 8 out of every 5 commercials on prime time TV? If the Chiefs are eyeing the playoffs, Kelce may want to think about tanking his relationship… and soon. The silver lining is that it’ll give Taylor something to write about. Also…
Why am I turning movies on at 5pm? It’s dark out, what else am I supposed to do!? I wouldn’t call “darkness” my friend. Maybe more like a necessary acquaintance. I get that there’s a cycle nature has and winter is an important part of it. But this whole getting dark at 4pm is for the birds. Not to mention… it’s cold out there. And I’m in Florida!
Just the other day I had to prove my manhood so I went swimming in a cold pool. That’s part of winter, too. Water = cold! The point isn’t that no one was even there and I was only trying to impress myself like an idiot ❄️💦🏊🏻♀️ but I had to also show that you don’t need to shave your chest for a polar plunge. That goes for you too, women. 🤔
When it’s dark so early in the evening and all I hear is the sound of silence, my body thinks it’s 9pm and what do I do at 9pm? I spend 30 minutes looking for a movie and then go to sleep because I’m too tired to start a movie at 930. Even if it’s only actually 630. I recently watched Leo on Netflix. It’s really funny. Are Adam Sandler movies getting better and better lately, or is that just my opinion? I also loved You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah with Adam Sandler and his family in that one, too.
What do you do in winter when it’s dark in the afternoon? Any other suggestions besides movies and swimming to prove my tender-sided manliness?
Every once in a while a commercial comes along that makes you want to stuff cotton in your ears, tape your eyelids closed, and curl up in fetal position. In Burger King terms (because they also have terrible ads now, too), seeing Instacart’s “football game grocery store” commercial makes me wish I had never been broiled. That’s a callback to one of my favorite BK commercials. If you know, you know. I was hoping Burger King’s BKKKKK have it your way ads would be the worst I’d see (or hear) this year, but then Instacart said, “Wait, hold my carrots…” and gave us this gem. Also, what’s up with the puffy coats?
Love Is A Long Road. So is hate, and if I never see this ad again, it will be too soon. No offense DJ Scrilla. As pointed out in the comments of the TikTok video, this is a remix of another song I also wish I’d never heard.
And The Award Goes To. Congratulations Instacart… You now have a top 5 commercial! As in, one of the top 5 most annoying commercials in the last decade. It’s right up there with 1-800-KARS-FOR-KIDS, Burger King, the Peloton platitudes, and the Sprite Christmas commercial from 2022.
Out of the Wilderness 