I was not the victim of a bad breakup

After a breakup, don’t you think it’s always the other person’s fault? They did you wrong. You’re the victim. They hurt you. This is very true with me and one breakup I’ve been through. I would hear songs like this…

…and think, “Yeah! She should get what she deserves!” I would think to myself that I did pretty much everything right. None of this was my fault. Sometimes I even feel anger, which is sort of where this song comes in. I think it was written in anger, even if it is catchy. I’ll concede that sometimes we ARE the victims of bad breakups so if this is reality for you, that you were treated badly, then please accept my sympathy. But in this single case of a breakup I experienced, deep down I know I was not the victim. She was. All the blame I heaped on her actually belonged to me. I was a decent boyfriend, to give myself some credit. But how and why it ended had little to do with her. So it’s a reality check (and a deserved slap in the face) when I listen to “Gives You Hell” (the song above) knowing this is the song she should be dedicating to me.

There are a handful of songs that this sort of role “reversal” stops me in my tracks. The one that actually inspired this post is by U2. They’re one of my favorite bands and recently I heard a song I had never heard before. It’s called “So Cruel.”

When I heard it for the first time, I fell into the same way of thinking where it was me singing it to her, with me being the bearer of the weight of the breakup victim. I guess it’s part of human nature to deflect blame. But again, I’m just an arrogant fool if I believe this song is anything but her message to me. I was so cruel.

It hurts me to know this about myself. There are things I would change if I could go back. I’d do things differently, without a doubt. But nonetheless, here I am fully accepting the fault of a bad breakup. It’s impossible to change the past, I know that. So I guess all I can do with this burden of hurting someone I cared about a lot is to not make the same mistake again.

-Out of the Wilderness

How does God love us?

I was about to title this post “How much does God love us?” but then I thought to myself about the exact sentence that spurred today’s writing. I’ll go ahead and give it to you so if you want to stop reading after this, at least you read the most important part of this whole thing. The word “justify” in regards to Christianity…

It does not even mean that he [God] makes the sinner a good man. It means that God treats the sinner as if he had not been a sinner at all.

That’s it. That’s how God loves us. Of course there is more to unwrap from it, including how MUCH God loves us (enough to send his son to take our place in death), but as I was reading today this is the line that jumped out at me so, so, so much. I’ve posted in the past about a book I found at a local thrift store (shout out to Thriftsmart!) and you wouldn’t believe what happened the other day that totally relates to that book. It’s a story for another post but long story short, this excerpt is from The Daily Study Bible Series – The Letter to the Romans. It’s by William Barclay who delivers the thought as he is commenting on Romans 1: 16-17.

I can’t say enough about this series of books. Well, that’s actually more literal than anything, as I’ve only had two books from it (Hebrews, and now Romans). But at this point I’d say these two books have shed SO MUCH light on the background of the writings in the Bible and I don’t know if I’m just hungry for it, or what, but it’s like the perfect spiritual steak when you’re perfectly hungry.

Do you have any experiences with this study series? If so, which books and what did they mean to you? Comment below, can’t wait to hear from you!

-Out of the Wilderness

Your woman

I wanted to start off this post by saying that what I’m about to say is kind of weird, but in reality it’s not weird at all. When I’m running, there are certain songs that help me run faster. I don’t really know which song will flip the switch in my mind until it starts playing, but now I have a pretty good list of songs that would absolutely be on a 5K playlist if I ever run another 5K. I mean, we all know music motivates, right? It’s why athletes have headphones on walking into the locker room. It’s why stadiums have music queued up between plays.

So now we get to the title of this post. I never would have thought this song would be a favorite when I’m out runnning. I mean, just read some of the lyrics:

So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy, you can’t play me that way

“Your Woman” White Town

Lyrics aside, it’s the beat that makes running to this song so easy. I didn’t know back in 1997 when the song came out that 23 years later I’d have it saved on a playlist on my phone (and even a playlist on my watch!!). Heck, 23 years ago I didn’t even HAVE a cell phone. Not many people did, actually.

And just being totally honest, I had no idea the video started out with two people running a race! I don’t know if that’s ironic or spooky… since I’m talking about how I like running with this song playing. So strange. But getting back to the beat… the song has a tempo of 103 beats per minute so that will get you up to a pretty high step count, which in turn would mean you’re running pretty darn fast.

So judge me if you will for my song choice, but you can’t hold it against me that the bpm is up there, and that’s always good for running, or trying to run, fast!

-Out of the Wilderness

The one where I almost burned a house down

I bought a fire pit years ago excited to use it in the fall months here in Nashville. There’s something pacifying about sitting around a fire, with or without s’mores. It’s about being outside. Very caveman-like, really.

Me start fire. Fire warm. Me sit.

cave person

I haven’t used the square metal contraption yet this year but with the cooler temps I’ve got it in the back of my mind, and it’ll be nice! I won’t try it for another week or so once I’m sure allergy season is over. Those dang ragweeds. They get me every time!

I also randomly thought of another experience I had with fire. This was early in high school. It was the night before the first day of school and I was just a bit behind completely hopeless on the summer reading list. There I laid in my bed, book open, lamp on, ready to speed read. It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep and dream of rainbows and puppies accidentally light the mattress on fire!

Yes, that’s right. I had a lamp on the bed and after I fell asleep it tipped over, the bulb flat down against the sheets. Imagine flames up the wall. A plastic wall clock melting. What in the world had I done??? I woke up and rushed into my parents bedroom (as any kid who has no clue what to do does, right?). Due to some heroic work from my parents and brother, the fire was doused out with a trash can’s worth of water.

Now as an adult and a homeowner, I have a better grasp of the gravity of that situation. THE WHOLE HOUSE COULD’VE BURNED DOWN!

Stupid summer reading lists.

Happy fall, y’all!

-Out of the Wilderness

An unexpectedly good run

I made a few goals (I had a list and everything!) to accomplish in a 2-day span recently. Stuff like haircut, shave, walk the dogs a couple of times, and so on and so forth. Well, I also listed a goal of running four miles, even if it was split into two miles per run. It would be two miles per run, let’s be honest. Day 1 came up with a goose egg so, oh gosh, can I do four on Day 2? Well, I buckled up my Garmin Forerunner 245 Music and hit the road.

Garmin Forerunner 245

Normally I run with fast music, somewhere in the 100 to 110 bpm range to help keep up a decent pace but today I was in the mood for worship music. You heard me correctly, worship music. With a bpm of [really slow] I listened to a few favorites but was really looking forward to one in particular. It’s called “The Blessing” and it’s by Kari Job and Cody Carnes.

Question: How far would you run to make sure you’re safe from a bear chasing you? One mile? Well then I ran far enough to be safe from four bears. That’s right, I actually did all four miles! I ran a long loop which usually ends at my house but when I got there, after two miles, and listening to that song, I had to keep going. My feet wouldn’t stop. So I did the loop again.

I may pay for it later with soreness but it was a pretty nice run. There were spotty showers which was actually refreshing. My watch tracked well and my bluetooth earbuds were up for the challenge.

I finished the run with a sweaty shirt, a face dripping from rain water, but feeling good! Are there certain songs that compel you to run faster, or farther? Do you imagine a bear chasing you? What motivates you to go the “extra mile”? Comment below, I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

-Out of the Wilderness