Her favorite number is 13… but not because of Dan Marino!?

Taylor Swift is celebrating her 34th birthday today. With a worldwide tour, a new boyfriend, and covering Time Magazine as “person of the year,” not much is going wrong for the artist formerly known as a country artist. She was born on December 13, 1989, henceforth why her favorite number is 13. I still secretly hope it’s because she loves Dan Marino. I can’t fathom any other reason better than the iconic 13 on that Dolphins jersey.

Dan Marino, if you’re reading this, I love you.

Sharing the Christmas season with a birthday season is something I can relate to. The lights, decorations, giving presents, time with family, all add up to a special part of the year and having a birthday, too, makes it even more special. Did I mention this is my birthday month?

I don’t share December with Taylor, she shares it with me! *In my best Joe Keery Taco Bell delivery* But seriously, there are people who love Taylor, as we all know. There are also people that don’t understand her popularity. But no matter how you feel about her, remember this about Taylor Swift: it’s my birthday month, too. Have I said that yet? Plus, unlike SOMEONE we know, I won’t ruin football by dating a cheerleader from your favorite team! I’m not saying there’s a Taylor Swift curse on the Kansas City Chiefs but I’m also NOT saying they’re ISN’T a Taylor Swift curse. Since Taylor started dating Travis Kelce, the team is kinda falling apart. Come to your own conclusion.

Is the team distracted? Maybe Mahomes is jealous of Kelce being in more commercials than Shaquille O’Neal, who’s in 8 out of every 5 commercials on prime time TV? If the Chiefs are eyeing the playoffs, Kelce may want to think about tanking his relationship… and soon. The silver lining is that it’ll give Taylor something to write about. Also…

I was born in December.

-Out of the Wilderness

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Why am I turning movies on at 5pm? It’s dark out, what else am I supposed to do!? I wouldn’t call “darkness” my friend. Maybe more like a necessary acquaintance. I get that there’s a cycle nature has and winter is an important part of it. But this whole getting dark at 4pm is for the birds. Not to mention… it’s cold out there. And I’m in Florida!

Just the other day I had to prove my manhood so I went swimming in a cold pool. That’s part of winter, too. Water = cold! The point isn’t that no one was even there and I was only trying to impress myself like an idiot ❄️💦🏊🏻‍♀️ but I had to also show that you don’t need to shave your chest for a polar plunge. That goes for you too, women. 🤔

Don’t believe everything you see in Amazon commercials.

When it’s dark so early in the evening and all I hear is the sound of silence, my body thinks it’s 9pm and what do I do at 9pm? I spend 30 minutes looking for a movie and then go to sleep because I’m too tired to start a movie at 930. Even if it’s only actually 630. I recently watched Leo on Netflix. It’s really funny. Are Adam Sandler movies getting better and better lately, or is that just my opinion? I also loved You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah with Adam Sandler and his family in that one, too.

What do you do in winter when it’s dark in the afternoon? Any other suggestions besides movies and swimming to prove my tender-sided manliness?

-Out of the Wilderness

Instacart Football Game Grocery Store Commercial – Most Annoying Commercial Ever?

Every once in a while a commercial comes along that makes you want to stuff cotton in your ears, tape your eyelids closed, and curl up in fetal position. In Burger King terms (because they also have terrible ads now, too), seeing Instacart’s “football game grocery store” commercial makes me wish I had never been broiled. That’s a callback to one of my favorite BK commercials. If you know, you know. I was hoping Burger King’s BKKKKK have it your way ads would be the worst I’d see (or hear) this year, but then Instacart said, “Wait, hold my carrots…” and gave us this gem. Also, what’s up with the puffy coats?

@djscrilla

Check me out in this instacart commercial. #instacart #football #groccerystore

♬ original sound – djscrilla

Love Is A Long Road. So is hate, and if I never see this ad again, it will be too soon. No offense DJ Scrilla. As pointed out in the comments of the TikTok video, this is a remix of another song I also wish I’d never heard.

And The Award Goes To. Congratulations Instacart… You now have a top 5 commercial! As in, one of the top 5 most annoying commercials in the last decade. It’s right up there with 1-800-KARS-FOR-KIDS, Burger King, the Peloton platitudes, and the Sprite Christmas commercial from 2022.

But… no offense.

-Out of the Wilderness

The Frito Lay Santa Commercial – The Crispy Treats, the Music, and More!

The final holiday before the year ends is only weeks away and it happens to be the biggest! it’s every child’s favorite season (because of all the presents) and maybe it’s every parent’s least favorite (because of all the presents). Dollar bills flying out of wallets, credit cards wearing out from all the swiping, online stores on backorder from all the late night and last minute purchases. But what about Santa? For 364 days he sits on his rump waiting for December 25th, we can call Christmas his Super Bowl. All the cookies and milk left out for him are his mid-game snack. But I guess too much of a good thing is a bad thing? How about some variety courtesy of Frito Lay! Check out their commercial offering Santa something a little less traditional this season…

The Music. The commercial uses two familiar songs as the backbone of the story. The first is called “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Edvard Grieg in the late 1800s.

The next song is very familiar to anyone who has ears. It’s Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

For holiday ads, this one is right up there with the more enjoyable ones! My top favorite is the Chevrolet “A Holiday To Remember” commercial. A real tear-jerker! The ad on Santa’s naughty list is the Bud Light Peyton Manning ad. Is it a Christmas ad? Maybe, maybe not. But some don’t think Die Hard is a Christmas movie and Bud Light is dying real hard… with a vengeance.

-Out of the Wilderness

The Amazon Prime Christmas Commercial – The Good Time Song and More!

Amazon has an upbeat commercial airing this holiday season. And no, I’m not talking about the dancing llamas. I love a good song remix and this one somehow reminds me of the graduation ad from Walgreens a few years ago. Maybe it’s the modern twist on an old melody? Either way, check out the catchy Amazon commercial then scroll down for more info…

The Music. The song is “A Good Time Coming (March of the Nutcracker)” by Yez Yez & Black Prez, released a little over a year ago. Here’s the full track…

If you’re feeling super festive, you can save the song on your Spotify Christmas playlist, too. If you’re feeling super, super festive, check out my list of new additions for your holiday playlist here.

-Out of the Wilderness