Live Commentary on The Bachelor: The Women Tell All (Ben Flajnik)

These updates are in Central standard time. Enjoy!

8:43 my guess is that in the finale next week, Courtney wins and Ben loses.

8:42 the soup was so good. Now I’m thinking about a grilled cheese.

7:45 saved by the chicken noodle soup. Dinner time, I’ll update if/when I’m bored enough to.

7:43 I woke up with a fever and headache this morning. This show is making both worse!

7:42 Emily shares the secret of men. Chris says the show is over.

7:41 am I wasting my time watching this show?

7:39 Emily on the hot seat. I wonder if my chicken noodle soup is ready yet.

7:38 highlights of Emily’s run on The Bachelor.

7:32 Emily tells Shawntel she’s gorgeous.

7:31 why do over half of these returning women look more orange than ever?

7:30 oh, no… he didn’t. Nevermind.

7:29 I think Chris Harrison just said “thong.”

7:29 I don’t know why she keeps coming back to The Bachelor. It’s not like the show has a track record for success.

7:27 plenty of people in Nashville die, she could find work here, right?

7:26 Shawntel N. crashes the party, yet again. Alls I know is that this Ben, would drop the other 25 to date her.

7:23 during the commercial break I explained to my dogs why daddy has to watch this show. “Life isn’t black and white,” I said. “To us, it is,” they replied.

7:21 Brittney calls Samantha a chihuahua.

7:19 Sigh.

7:17 Jaclyn interrupts Blakeley while she’s talking.

7:16 my chicken noodle soup is heating up. This show is the worst.

7:15 Blakeley is in the crosshairs as we hear some of the women trash talk about her behind her back.

7:14 Chris tosses to highlights of the season, with voiceovers by the women.

7:12 Amber T., Monica, Jamie, Samantha, Jaclyn, Erika, Brittney, Elyse, Jenna, Jennifer, Rachel, Casey S., Blakeley, Emily, Nicki, Kacie B. are introduced.

7:09 wondering if I should heat up some chicken noodle soup. I’m kinda hungry, but kinda not.

7:07 Ali recaps what happened between her and Roberto.

7:06 Ryan P. chats more about water heaters, but again, they cut away before he gives the advice I really really want to hear! Are tankless water heaters the wave of the future? I need to know.

7:05 Highlights of some kind of Bachelor reunion in Vegas. I’m having flashbacks of frat parties I was never invited to in college.

7:04 Chris tells the audience that Courtney will make an appearance in the show. Pan the audience of women and a few boyfriends clapping.

7:03 Chris Harrison introduces himself. He says this has been the most controversial season in the show’s history.

7pm. Highlights of the upcoming show.

The Bachelor Ben Flajnik, Episode 3: The San Francisco Treat

Ben Flajnik

The remaining 16 girls were in for a San Francisco treat as Uncle Ben’s rice went on two one-on-one dates and a group date. There was a surprise guest on the episode, Ben’s sister 😉 She and Ben met together and discussed what Ben’s looking for, most notably a girl their mother would notice right away. He mentioned Lindzi C., Kacie B., Courtney, Emily and Jennifer, a “but-she’s-super-attractive” accountant. Chris Harrison, the host of the show, came out and explained the rules again. He also delivered the first date card. The happy recipient was Emily. “Loves Lifts Us Up” was the clue on the date card. Courtney reacts with harsh words for girls that are book smart.

Date 1: Ben met Emily and told her their date was climing the bridge over San Francisco Bay. She said a number of times she hates heights. What I like about this daring act is that it wasn’t supervised by some adventure group that does this climb a thousand times a day. To me, there’s no real risk in a climb like that. This climb was unique, so I give credit to whoever came up with it. As they climbed, Emily stopped because she got so nervous. Truly, that would be a long fall. On the way down, she’d scream, “But I was here for the right reeeaaaaa—-” Bam! Water. She got tough and finished the climb with Ben. They high five, kiss and hug. Obvious metaphors of how the climb applied to real life. Later in the evening, they had a formal dinner. Emily proceeded to explain her most recent dating experience was of the online sort. She got matched with a guy she already knew, her brother! They decided to just be siblings, so here she is making a go for Ben. Later, he offered her the rose then followed up with some tongue-twisters and fireworks, both literal.

Next up, the group date with Blakeley, Jaclyn, Kacie B., Erika, Samantha, Jamie, Monica, Rachel, Nicki, Elyse and Casey S. They’re doing something called a “leap list.” Someone somewhere is trying to make “leap list” catch on like “bucket list” did. Quite frankly, I’m off-board. So instead of “leap list” I will instead say “Michael Bolton.”

Michael Bolton... then

This date started with snow skiing down a street in San Francisco. As the group drove from the hotel to the “ski slope,” we were treated to an in-show advertisement for the new Honda CR-V, something we evidently need to add to our Michael Boltons. Every single girl stripped down to a bikini and Ben to his cargo shorts. The group date finished as they dined at a fancy Hawaiian-style restaurant. Kacie B. once again came through with flying colors, however, the group date rose went to Rachel.

The final one-on-one went to Brittney, who reacted with an “uuggghh, didn’t see that coming.” She went on to say something didn’t feel right, so she found Ben and told him being his wife was not on her Michael Bolton. She hit the road, with tears, but she still hit the road. So the final single date actually went to Lindzi C., which I was very happy with because I picked her for my Bachelor Fantasy team this week, and I can use the points, literally! They took a trolly ride where Ben pointed out all the hot spots in San Francisco. What a treat. They got some Swensen’s ice cream then drove through China town on their way to the San Francisco City Hall. As soon as they enter, the lights turned on and Matt Nathanson’s there waiting to play some music for them. In the back of Lindzi C.’s mind, “I’m so glad he thinks I’m Brittney.” Dinner is served at a password-protected speak-easy called Bourbon and Branch. They had a decent conversation, Lindzi C. even admitted after dating a guy for over a year she was dumped via text message, “Babe, welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.” Ouch. Ben doesn’t want to dump her yet, so he offered her the rose. Perhaps she knows the secrets to his password-protected heart. Later they sit at a piano and play the melody of David Gray’s “This Year’s Love.” Can I be serious here for a second? I love that song. Purchasing it tonight from iTunes is definitely on my Michael Bolton.

Time for the cocktail party. All the girls were in fantastic moods, toasting to a drama-free night. Ben took a few girls off to the side to have little chats with them. Jennifer and Ben kissed. Courtney snowed Ben for yet another episode. Now we all know times are tough. People are living longer. So with some free time on her hands, funeral director Shawntel Newton bursted through with life in her steps. You can find out more about her season with Brad Womack by clicking here. Shawntel showing up obviously displeased every one of the girls, even Kacie B. A few of them threaten to leave if Shawntel gets a rose at the rose ceremony. Ben’s reaction on seeing Shawntel at the cocktail party, “Holy ——!” This is my favorite scene from all the seasons of the Bachelor because he genuinely seemed unaware of what was happening. On a show that has so much producing, and so much set-up, this seemed like a true real-life reaction. Be honest, how many times have you gone to a party and knew without a doubt a certain someone would not be there. Then you turn around and holy ——-! there they are. Lots of drama as the girls harassed the heck out of Shawntel. She did her best to assimilate into the group, but they literally would not let her in. She confessed she was there to date Ben. Will he keep her around? Will he tell her to put a nail in the coffin of her feelings for him? It all came down to the rose ceremony. Roses went to Emily, Rachel, Lindzi C., Courtney, Kacie B., Elyse, Jamie, Jennifer, Casey S., Blakeley, Monica, Nicki and Samantha.

So Jaclyn, Erika and Shawntel can cross marrying Ben off their Michael Bolton.

Michael Bolton... now

The Bachelor Ben Flajnik Episode 2: Let’s Go To Sonoma

Bachelor Ben

This episode was telling as far as who Ben values. I don’t want to give anything away before you watch the show, so I will sum it all up with the notes I took as commissioner of the Nashville Fantasy Bachelor League.

Used bleeped curse words: Samantha (7), Lindzi C., Blakeley, Jaclyn

Said his full first name: None

Beats Ben in any sort of competition: None

Wears a 1-piece bathing suit: None

Group date: Brittney, Rachel, Jennifer, Blakeley, Emily, Jenna, Shawn, Monica, Samantha, Jamie, Nicki, Jaclyn

Kisses Ben: Courtney (5), Kacie B. (3), Jennifer (2), Nicki (2), Blakeley (2), Jaclyn, Rachel, Emily, Jamie

One-on-one dates: Kacie B., Courtney

Gets a rose: Kacie B., Blakeley, Courtney, Jennifer, Emily, Elyse, Jaclyn, Erika, Rachel, Lindzi C., Nicki, Casey S., Samantha, Monica, Jamie, Brittney

Says “I’m falling in love with you/him” or something similar: None

Does not get any dates with Ben: Lindzi C., Casey S., Elyse, Erika

Steals Ben from another girl: Blakeley (2), Jennifer, Jaclyn

Cries: Jenna (3), Kacie B., Jennifer, Blakeley

Mentions Ashley from last season: None

Date includes helicopter, boat, or expensive car: None

Says “here for the right reasons” or similar: None

Does not get rose: Shawn, Jenna

The Bachelor Season Premiere: Ben Flajnik, Limousines and Blakeley’s Tattoos

Ben Flajnik

Welcome to the 2012 version of the Bachelor! This season features last year’s runner-up, Ben Flajnik (rhymes with ‘panic’). The show opens with a recap of Ben’s proposal to Ashley H. from last season. They quickly move to his life since then which evidently includes sailboats, pick-up trucks and carrying a piece of wood. Ben sets the mood by tickling the keys, the first time we’ve ever seen him on the piano. David Gray’s “This Year’s Love” plays as Ben prepares for what he predicts will “be a hell of a story.” The story that begins now.

Chapter 1: The Tease.
Host Chris Harrison calls the 25 girls Ben will choose from America’s most eligible bachelorettes. How they are more eligible than other single girls will be discussed in the documentary: “You Were Most Eligible. I Was Mostly Desperate. The Story of Ben Flajnik. Preface by Demi Moore.” Honestly, I bet all the girls do a few of these things: 10 Signs Your Date Was a Contestant on the Bachelor.

Chapter 2: Cream of the Crop.
Meet nine of the girls Ben may fall in love with. Lindzi C. rides horses and was once broken up with via text message. Btw, I love horses. Just saw War Horse and cried like a grown man watching his daughter take her first steps, then goes to war and gets tangled up in barbed wire. Hope that doesn’t spoil the movie, but you gotta see it. Amber T. is a tomboy who shoots guns and has a bad girl / princess quality to her. Kacie B. is from Clarksville, TN and is already a fan favorite. I predict top 3 for her. She’s got southern charm and a smile you can trust. I sorta hope she loses, returns to Tennessee and looks for Nashville’s most eligible bachelor:

"War Horse"

Courtney, a model from California, said she deserves a 2-carat engagement ring. Jamie is a nurse who raised her siblings. London Lyndsie has been all over the world and now finds herself at rock bottom in the bachelorette mansion. Jenna, a blogger from New York, is looking to analyze less and date more. Shawn from Phoenix is the only girl we know of that has a son. Nicki from Texas has been married and divorced but promises the next marriage is forever.

Chapter 3. The Limousines.
The girls arrive prom style and all 25 introduce themselves to Ben, except for Anna who said not a word, walking right by as to pique Ben’s interest. Other standouts were Amber who explained her Bacon last name. She’s the Canadian. Emily is working on her phD. Samantha arrives wearing a sash. Holly from Kentucky is wearing a hat the size of a clydesdale while Lindzi C. rides up on a clydesdale. Amber T. says goodbye then walks around again to give Ben a chance for love at second sight. Shira says she knows everything about wine, then can’t answer Ben’s only question about wine. Sheryl from the great generation introduces her granddaughter Brittney. Jennifer spouts out numbers to impress Ben. Kacie B. wins Ben over in only three syllables, calling him by his full name, Benjamin. But I may or may not be talking about Bachelor Ben.

Chapter 4. The Party Begins.
Ben joins the group inside the mansion and first chats with Rachel and her nose ring. Rachel was a good conversation, however the nose ring didn’t say a word. Rude. Nicki the divorced girl chats with Ben as well. Then Lindzi C. chats with Ben about horses. She did enough to earn the first impression rose. Nice one Lindzi and Levi the Horse. Later Shawn takes Ben to play soccer and Blakeley shows her tattoos.

Blakeley's tattoo, pic 1

Blakeley's tattoo, pic 2

Dianna blindfolds Ben and feeds him candy from a crumpled paper bag. Emily the nurse flexes her rap skills by dishing out sick lyrics. Or is it phat lyrics?

Chapter 5: Dramatic Interpretations.
Jenna the blogger confronts Monica for not being in love at first sight. Monica gets her goat so much so that they need an amatuer mediator. Rachel officiates the session. Afterwards, Monica spoons with Blakeley which turns me on and off at the very same time. Kacie B. consoles Jenna.

Chapter 6. A Rose By Any Other Name.
Roses went to Lindzi C. earlier, Jamie, Rachel, Blakeley, Emily, Kacie B., Casey S., Brittney, Erika, Shawn, Nicki (good hugger), Jennifer, Elyse, Samantha, Courtney, Jaclyn, Monica and Jenna. Sent home with no rose to call their own were Amber B., Lyndsie J., Amber T., Dianna, Holly, Shira and Anna.

Chapter 7. The Cliffhanger.
Next week there’s more drama, more crying, and a surprise guest! Based on the clip they showed, it looks like Shawntel N. from Brad Womack’s season of the Bachelor. See this picture then go see… War Horse.

Shawntel N.

The Bachelor: The 25 Women Ben Flajnik Will Choose From (and how to say his name)

Ben Flajnik (pronounced flannick) is about the live the dream as the 25 eligible women were announced for The Bachelor 2012. If you’re anything like me (and the women who sit near me at work), you’re greatly disappointed by the choices. There are a few standouts, but for a show that gave us the crazies (Michelle Money) and the mentally disturbed (Allie “My Eggs Are Rotting” Garcia-Sierra), this group of single ladies looks quite average. The ladies who sit next to me even snickered that they are better looking than all the girls picked for this season of the Bachelor. Poor Ben, right? Wrong! In this group of mediocrity, he’ll discover the gems that are Anna, Dianna, Elyse and Nicki. Unfortunately, he’ll also discover the lead balloons that are Amber T., Courtney and Holly. So ABC has already began the season on my naughty list (gimmicks are not necessary, ie. 70 year old contestant Cheryl), which is nothing new given that last season they had a guy wearing a mask for almost the entire duration of his time on the show. No matter, when Ben Ben gets wind that she goes to bed at 5:30pm every day in the bachelorette mansion, wisdom will prevail and he’ll send her to her oldest son’s home to rest quietly and watch the grandkids play.

That’s all for now, check back for Bachelor updates as the next season premiere approaches!