Being single at 38 years old

NOTE: This was originally written last spring but I recently decided to go ahead and share it. Life in and out of the dating world can be a roller coaster emotionally. Count the following as a moment of bare honesty on my roller coastery journey.

I’m not exactly sure where this post will go, but I wanted to write down thoughts I’ve been having as a single guy at my old age. Old! That’s how I feel some days. Usually that sensation comes over me the night of, or the morning after, playing basketball or volleyball. I move a little slower, I groan a little more, I tighten my bathrobe a little more snugly around me. I’m pretty happy with where my life is, with what I’m doing, and the friends I spend time with. Is this where I thought I’d be at 38? The truth is, I don’t ever remember thinking about where I’d be at 30 or 40. And even though I feel old sometimes, I feel really good other times.

I also think I’m past the question, “Why aren’t you married yet?” …because I haven’t been asked it in ages. The answer is always the same: haven’t found the right one yet. That’s partly true. I’ve dated on and off for the past few years and I’ve been in the company of greatness. But for whatever reason the relationships fizzled and died, or never even really started. There have been a handful of dates that would have never happened, if I knew how they’d go. I’m thinking of one at Buffalo Wild Wings, or another attending a Ben Rector concert.


But truthfully, those, and other less memorable one-hit wonders, as in “I wonder why we are here, now, together,” have helped me get to where I am. A little more mature. A little more focused. A little less hopeful. Yes, I said less hopeful. It’s hard to keep hope alive all day every day.

In fact, I’d say it’s impossible.

In fact, stay away from people who are positive all the time, they’re hiding something!

In fact, you don’t want to be there when they explode.

I’ve gone through periods of great hope, great excitement. I want to be there again but I’m in a season of doubt right now. Doubt about marriage, doubt about even wanting to date. Because dating might lead to marriage, and I’m not even sure I want that. We’re taught through many ways that finding a partner will make life worthwhile, that you can be on top of the world like Jack and Rose if you find the other half of you. I don’t really believe that’s true. Life is worthwhile even without marriage. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Do you want to know the thought on the forefront of my mind the past week or so? It’s this…

Who’s going to take care of me when I’m old?

My mind drifts to 50 years from now when one of my nieces is stuck with checking in on their cenile uncle. You know, the one who never got married and had all the goats? He keeps mumbling about wanting more tattoos but his whole body is covered.

OK, OK, sometimes I think I’ll get a few more tattoos, not all over my whole body, though! But that would be me: the crazy, single, never-married uncle who didn’t reach his potential as a husband or maybe even a dad.

People get married later in life. People get divorced later in life. People stay single their entire lives. So many different stories. I’m in the middle of mine, just wondering if a co-writer might come along who can help me, and let me help them, through the next few dozen chapters.

My Thoughts On A Ben Rector Show

Recently caught a Ben Rector show in Nashville and was looking forward to it, moreso than I have looked forward to any show lately. I first came to know Ben through a friend’s video post on Facebook.

So the more I discovered, the more I liked. I even had the opportunity to use one of his songs in a wedding video.

This was one of my favorite videos to make because the song lent itself to nice editing and imagery. I love how it turned out, but anyway, back to the concert.

The opener started about 830pm and Ben came on stage around 930pm. Very good show. He’s good at milking the audience’s enthusiasm. I noticed every 15 minutes or so, he’d simply say, “Nashville,” and the crowd went wild. I’m assuming bands do this at every city, and every city goes wild. He was funny, too. His lyrics have some depth but at the same time, they’re playful and catchy. So imagine my surprise when my thoughts wandered to what I would have done had I found myself in either World Trade Center building on September 11th, 2001. More specifically, would I have jumped like some people did? Was it really so bad that the better choice was to fall a hundred stories to certain death? If I reached the point where I accepted that life was over, I would hope to say, “To heck with it, I’m going up!” and try climbing stairs to the roof. Anything that gives me better odds than jumping. Ben was still playing and then I thought, “Everyone should have wings at their desk.” That way, if you were in a situation where you had to jump from a building, you could glide safely to the ground. Portable wings. Fold-out wings. Blow-up wings. Wings for the American people. Could be the next big thing, right? My mind wandered.

I’m also a loud clapper so I practiced clapping less loud.

So in summary, it was a good concert. I was hoping to be more connected to the music, to really feel it. But part of my disappointment was a guy standing 6’6” tall directly in front of me who was unwilling to move a little bit, and a date that was less than spectacular. Ah well, life is still good!

-Out of the Wilderness

Wedding Highlights – “So Are You To Me” Peter Bradley Adams

The first time I heard this song by Peter Bradley Adams I knew I had to make a wedding highlight video to go along with it. The idea’s been simmering in my mind for over a year. I recently shot a wedding and knew it would be the perfect one to use. I’m also working on another one featuring this same couple with the song “White Dress” by Ben Rector, so if you come back to this site in a few weeks, you should check that one out, too. If you have a second, let me know what you think about this one in the comments below. Thanks for watching!