My guilty pleasure: The Bachelor shows

I’m a 40-year old man and I’m an addict. Hi, my name is Ben.

This relationship I have with the Bachelor family of shows started over a decade ago and I’ve always said I can quit whenever I want. It’s not a problem.

But it IS a problem when I wake up Monday morning and think, “Ok, I need to plan my day around the goal of being home by 7pm to watch Bachelor in Paradise.” Or when I become the very proud commissioner of a Bachelor fantasy league at work. And it’s not even the fantasy game ABC created.

We created our own league with our own points and categories and a giant excel sheet. 

To be honest, it was awesome. I loved keeping stats on kisses, who cussed or said “here for the right reasons,” who shows up with a gimmick on episode 1, who gets the first impression rose, and on and on we would go with the circus.

But it’s not like there’s ever been a lot of real romance on the show, even dating back to the very first Bachelor couple, Adam and Eve. There is some romance, for sure. However, the romance we witness rarely leads to marriage. In fact, if I were a divorce lawyer, well, I’d be poor (because of that whole not getting married part) BUT I’d be waiting right behind Neil Lane with a packet of papers and a couple of pens.

Producers pressure you into a premature proposal? Fantasy suite got you all confused about stuff? Pump the brakes and put your trust in me. Hi, my name is Ben. I’ll be your lawyer friend.

…would be my way-too-long slogan. If there were a way to make money off engagement breakups, THEN I’d be more than a poor divorce lawyer. Because this is dating in real life. So why do I, and we, keep coming back? I guess it’s for entertainment value because there sure is a heck of a lot of that. And the drama. With the current cast of Jordan and Blake and Hannah G among others, my heart rate is equal to a brisk jog on a Planet Fitness treadmill.

I guess we could call this post “Confessions of a 40 year old man: Why I admit to watching The Bachelor.” My confession: I just do. I can’t really explain why. With the windmills and the Stagecoach and Jordan being the best cast member ever, we just can’t get enough, can we? 🙂

What are your thoughts about the show and if you’re willing to share, why do you watch? Comment below!

-Out of the Wilderness

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The first Bachelor contestant, Adam

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Does anyone else’s mind wander during church sometimes? Only me? OK then! That’ll give me something to confess the next time I’m in prayer.

“God, I’m sorry for thinking about ABC’s The Bachelor and what if Adam was the contestant picking from 25 women. I know it’s weird. Thank you for loving me anyway.”

…is pretty much how that prayer would go.

Today in church there was a brief mention of Adam and Eve, and my mind ran with it. Somehow Adam became the star of The Bachelor and Eve was just one of the 25 women competing to guard and protect his heart, which leads to a flurry of questions:

Where would the other 24 women come from?

Would they all be vegetarians?

They’re already in a beautiful garden, so where’re the “exotic” dates?

Who is “there for the right reasons”?

I can see the first caravan of camels pulling up now. Adam, here are the first five women… Mary, Esther, Sarah, Ruth, and Jezebel, who simply winks and says, “Let’s do the d*mn thing.” Adam looks off to the side, “Boy, am I in trouble.” The next five arrive: Rahab, Zilpah, Ashleigh R., Ashley K., and Ashlee M. He whispers under his breath, “So many Ashley’s.” On and on it goes and maybe Eve doesn’t arrive till the final five, since the host (God) wants to save the best for last.

Adam notices Eve right off the bat so she gets the first impression rose. He feels like somehow she’s already a part of him. Get it? Ok, anyway. The first date card arrives…

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So that date will end badly. A combination of fruit, a snake, and all the contestants are banished from the paradise mansion in Eden…FOREVER!!!!! No Bachelor Pad, no Bachelor in Paradise, and dare I say not even an episode of The Women Tell All. But there is a wedding. Adam eventually picks Eve and they get married.

Years go by and many more seasons of The Bachelor, then along comes the star of the first Bachelorette season ever, Ruth! You can read her story in the Bible but I’ll say this, it includes a sizzling overnight encounter!

-Out of the Wilderness