Episode 3 could be nicknamed the “Throwback Episode.” If you saw Ali’s outfit at the top of the show, you know what I mean. Hello 1984. Coincidentally, the same year Roberto was born. He got the first one-on-one date (he also got the very first rose in episode 1). It worries me that the producers are pushing him hard this early. No matter what the producers have in mind for us, though, the chemistry between he and Ali is undeniable! Right now Roberto has no faults. Could this be a setup for a devastating revelation later in the season? On their date they cuddle on the helipad. A couple of notable moments: she tustled her hair and, folks, that’s a huge signal. That and she’s as giddy as a Care Bear. She also said she wasn’t scared on the tightrope with Roberto. Flashback to one of her promises from the first episode (The Bachelorette, Episode 1.). I’ll admit I like Roberto. I felt some tears well up as their date ended and he asked her to remember him. He got a rose at the end of this date.
Next up, the group date with Kirk, John, Chris N., Frank, Jonathan, Craig R., Justin, Jesse, and Chris L. They drive out to a remote industrial area and join in a not so surprise concert by Canadian-band Barenaked Ladies. Hello 1998. They shoot scenes made for daytime soaps. Ali slaps Frank nine times. Skip to hot tub scene, poor John C. gets no touchy touchy with Ali Ali. Jonathan was nervous when going in for the kiss with Ali. He should pretend he’s upper level atmosphere and she’s an approaching storm. Then he could say stuff like, “If I said you had a warm front, would you hold it against me?” Bam. Chris N. makes Frank the Smotherer jealous because he gets a bed scene with Ali. Kirk also has a bed scene. I’m beginning to wonder what kind of “music” video this is. Do I need to pay a subscription fee to keep watching? Also, note that Frank the Smotherer has reached security level orange. Meltdown approaching! Pack your canned goods and notify the relatives.
After the shoot is over, Chris L. gets some alone time and reveals the story behind his tattoo (click to see his mom’s signature largely inked across his upper body). Jonathan pulls Ali aside and discusses the tear-filled music video kiss. Awkward levels rise above regulation. Is it safe to say Jonathan is going home this episode? Kirk gets a barely not naked Ali alone in the hot tub. A continuation of the soap opera scene earlier. Guys are shocked that, what! Ali’s kissing another guy? No! Frank the Smotherer and the rest of the guys cannonball into the hot tub. Justin has one leg in and one leg out of the pool. They watch the debut of the music video. Everyone loves it. And Kirk gets the second rose of the night.
Later, Justin lives out The Proclaimers “I Would Walk 500 Miles” to be with Ali. Ok, maybe only a few miles, but I bet he’d pass almost every penny on to her. Justin 1, the rest of the guys 0. Justin shows her his family pictures and discusses his parents divorce, as well as his intentions with kids (when he has his own). One-legged Justin scores a goooooooaaaaaaal. Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!
Hunter prepares for his one-on-one date. Ali drops Justin off back at the house. He’s worried the guys will turn on him when they find out what he did. As of now, no one knows. After a commercial break, Justin lies to the guys. This will certainly not bode well with them when they find out. He should have kept it cool and been honest. Hunter’s excited about his date and Justin’s laughing on the inside. Again, not good for him. Ali takes Hunter back to her place. They eat dinner at the start of a low-key date. This is a good casual environment for Hunter (and most guys) to open up and be comfortable. They chat and then get in the hot tub. Is the romance there? Not looking like it, especially when Hunter has to tell Ali the rose is sitting close by. Ali drops the no-rose bomb.
Best scene of episode 3: In the hot tub, Hunter makes bubbles with his mouth, then kisses her shoulder.
The guys are back at their house, Justin keeps lying. Where’s Craig M. when you need a bad guy? Probably back in Canada looking for some bare naked ladies. The guys and Justin’s right leg have a heart to heart in the hot tub. Before the rose ceremony Chris L. scores some wicked one-on-one time with Ali, insurance that he’ll get a rose this time around. The guys find out Justin walked to Ali’s house and lied about it, cue the confrontation. Drama ensues. Clearly Justin is the new Craig M. Or is he the new Vienna? Hmmmmm? Either way, this episode just got an R rating for all the “I normally don’t cuss” cussing.
At the rose ceremony, Ali gives roses to Roberto, Kirk, Chris L., Jesse, Chris N., Ty, Kasey, Craig R., Frank, Jonathan, and Justin.
Eliminated this round: Hunter, Steve, and John C.
Check back in next week for a recap of episode 4!