Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Ali Update.

In episode 1, Ali Fedotowsky rattled off a list of promises she’s hoping to fulfill this season. After numurous accusations of who’s “here for the right reasons” and a plethora of eliminations, let’s see how things are shaping up for her.

Promise #1: Ali will not going to let fear hold her back.
Early on she claimed to be afraid of flying, so with all the flying she’s done and the highwire act with Roberto on their date, she’s doing pretty well with this promise.

Promise #2: to find that guy.
If “find that guy” means “make out session with ten plus guys,” mission accomplished. Boots may have been made for walking, but Ali’s lips weren’t made for talking, if you know what I mean. This promise will end up unfulfilled. Ali may indeed get married at some point, but she will not find lifelong love via “The Bachelorette.”

Promise #3: she’s not going to let go of love this time.
Until she does.

Promise #4: she’s going to be strong.
She never clarified this promise. Did she mean physically strong? I haven’t seen her doing any push-ups or sit-ups. I see little to no definition in her arms, although there are signs of exercise in her abdomenal region. Maybe she meant emotionally strong? In the end, I hope she’s able to stand strong, stand proud, because voices that care are crying out loud.

Promise #5: not let everything that scared her in the past hold her back.
Only she knows what scared her in the past. Evidently she’s never been body slammed or watched Single White Female. Otherwise she would’ve eliminated Justin and Kasey much sooner.

Promise #6: to grow and become a better person.
The only thing growing is the risk of herpes of the mouth. That, and ringworm. I’m just saying ringworm spreads quickly, especially among wrestlers. I may or may not know that first hand, I’m just saying.

Promise #7: leave with no regrets.
There will be experiences she regrets from this season of the show. Not getting rid of Kasey sooner, for one.

Promise #8: move forward with an open mind and heart.
Seeing as how it’s impossible to move backwards, she’ll do fine here. I can’t say whether her mind and heart are open, but her mouth certainly is, if you know what I mean, heyyyoooo!

Promise #9: hoping she’s standing in some amazing place with tears in her eyes looking at a man down on one knee asking her to be his wife.
Hard to tell on this one. In episode 4 as she got her makeover, the makeup artist asked if the man she’d “end up with is here”? She responded with, “I do. I really, really do.” Sounds like she’s trying to convince herself. Too bad she let Craig M. go.

Check back soon for an update of episode 5!

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 3.

Episode 3 could be nicknamed the “Throwback Episode.” If you saw Ali’s outfit at the top of the show, you know what I mean. Hello 1984. Coincidentally, the same year Roberto was born. He got the first one-on-one date (he also got the very first rose in episode 1). It worries me that the producers are pushing him hard this early. No matter what the producers have in mind for us, though, the chemistry between he and Ali is undeniable! Right now Roberto has no faults. Could this be a setup for a devastating revelation later in the season? On their date they cuddle on the helipad. A couple of notable moments: she tustled her hair and, folks, that’s a huge signal. That and she’s as giddy as a Care Bear. She also said she wasn’t scared on the tightrope with Roberto. Flashback to one of her promises from the first episode (The Bachelorette, Episode 1.). I’ll admit I like Roberto. I felt some tears well up as their date ended and he asked her to remember him. He got a rose at the end of this date.

Next up, the group date with Kirk, John, Chris N., Frank, Jonathan, Craig R., Justin, Jesse, and Chris L. They drive out to a remote industrial area and join in a not so surprise concert by Canadian-band Barenaked Ladies. Hello 1998. They shoot scenes made for daytime soaps. Ali slaps Frank nine times. Skip to hot tub scene, poor John C. gets no touchy touchy with Ali Ali. Jonathan was nervous when going in for the kiss with Ali. He should pretend he’s upper level atmosphere and she’s an approaching storm. Then he could say stuff like, “If I said you had a warm front, would you hold it against me?” Bam. Chris N. makes Frank the Smotherer jealous because he gets a bed scene with Ali. Kirk also has a bed scene. I’m beginning to wonder what kind of “music” video this is. Do I need to pay a subscription fee to keep watching? Also, note that Frank the Smotherer has reached security level orange. Meltdown approaching! Pack your canned goods and notify the relatives.

After the shoot is over, Chris L. gets some alone time and reveals the story behind his tattoo (click to see his mom’s signature largely inked across his upper body). Jonathan pulls Ali aside and discusses the tear-filled music video kiss. Awkward levels rise above regulation. Is it safe to say Jonathan is going home this episode? Kirk gets a barely not naked Ali alone in the hot tub. A continuation of the soap opera scene earlier. Guys are shocked that, what! Ali’s kissing another guy? No! Frank the Smotherer and the rest of the guys cannonball into the hot tub. Justin has one leg in and one leg out of the pool. They watch the debut of the music video. Everyone loves it. And Kirk gets the second rose of the night.

Later, Justin lives out The Proclaimers “I Would Walk 500 Miles” to be with Ali. Ok, maybe only a few miles, but I bet he’d pass almost every penny on to her. Justin 1, the rest of the guys 0. Justin shows her his family pictures and discusses his parents divorce, as well as his intentions with kids (when he has his own). One-legged Justin scores a goooooooaaaaaaal. Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!

Hunter prepares for his one-on-one date. Ali drops Justin off back at the house. He’s worried the guys will turn on him when they find out what he did. As of now, no one knows. After a commercial break, Justin lies to the guys. This will certainly not bode well with them when they find out. He should have kept it cool and been honest. Hunter’s excited about his date and Justin’s laughing on the inside. Again, not good for him. Ali takes Hunter back to her place. They eat dinner at the start of a low-key date. This is a good casual environment for Hunter (and most guys) to open up and be comfortable. They chat and then get in the hot tub. Is the romance there? Not looking like it, especially when Hunter has to tell Ali the rose is sitting close by. Ali drops the no-rose bomb.

Best scene of episode 3: In the hot tub, Hunter makes bubbles with his mouth, then kisses her shoulder.

The guys are back at their house, Justin keeps lying. Where’s Craig M. when you need a bad guy? Probably back in Canada looking for some bare naked ladies. The guys and Justin’s right leg have a heart to heart in the hot tub. Before the rose ceremony Chris L. scores some wicked one-on-one time with Ali, insurance that he’ll get a rose this time around. The guys find out Justin walked to Ali’s house and lied about it, cue the confrontation. Drama ensues. Clearly Justin is the new Craig M. Or is he the new Vienna? Hmmmmm? Either way, this episode just got an R rating for all the “I normally don’t cuss” cussing.

At the rose ceremony, Ali gives roses to Roberto, Kirk, Chris L., Jesse, Chris N., Ty, Kasey, Craig R., Frank, Jonathan, and Justin.

Eliminated this round: Hunter, Steve, and John C.

Check back in next week for a recap of episode 4!

Click here for a review of each bachelor.