Ben Wilder vs. Nick Shell: A Facebook Battle of Backhanded Compliments and Popular Recipes

Ok, forget about the recipes. If you know me, you know I don’t cook, and if you know Nick, sorry. This is a Facebook wall-to-wall conversation with Nick Shell of Scenic Route Snapshots. For chronological order, start at the bottom and read upwards. PS. it’s all in good fun, and proof that even though we are busy people, we do have a little too much free time.

 

 Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I read your Tweet. Twice in the same day? That’s too bad you had to learn the hard way, as an adult. From now on, just remember to do a little research first by asking around and looking for context clues before asking when the baby’s due. Too bad it was your boss at work and also the preacher’s wife that you said that to. Good luck on that.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Nick, I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear from right now. I didn’t know the cops were going to take action immediately after I called you in as a stalker. Honestly, I thought you and I could’ve worked it out privately, but last night when I caught you staring in my window–again–I had to call the authorities. I hope you understand (given the circumstances) that lunch on Wednesday is off.
Britney Grayson likes this.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: You know, I have to admit, I’ve never heard of a guy selling Mary Kay, but if anyone could pull it off, it’s you. Just think, you do enough Mary Kay parties and you can have that pink Hummer in about 7 years. But I know that’s cool with you anyway since pink is your favorite color- because you constantly write about it on your website. I’m like, “I get it, I get it”, you like pink.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: No, don’t stop writing him letters! Just because he’s going to get the final rose tonight doesn’t mean you have to discontinue writing to Roberto. He’d probably appreciate maintaining your friendship. Just my two cents.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: That is a pretty good deal- that you bought a year’s worth of tanning bed visits and got a month’s worth of visits for a friend as a bonus. What a generous offer, but I think I’m gonna have to pass on the free month of tanning, this time around.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: So how much have you made from your “nashville just got flooded and I’m going to sell shirts about it” t-shirts?
View Feedback (1)
Nick Shell: Just $20 from the shirt you bought from me.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I must admit, you’re the first person I’ve ever known to buy a sidecar for your motorcycle. I’m just surprised you bought it so you could ride in it while I drive the bike. And yes, I saw the pictures you tweeted of the t-shirts you had made for us when we go driving tomorrow. The one for me that says “The Boss” and the one for you that says “Santa’s Little Helper”. And you said your t-shirt is Bedazzled?

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: I didn’t know it mattered. Sorry. Next time I’ll walk with you to the men’s room. Usually girls go to the bathroom in groups, sorry.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: Thanks for the tip! I did what you said. Good news: I was able to get your Taylor Swift lunch box autographed for you. Bad news: I sold it on Ebay for profit. Good news: I used some of the money to buy you a plane ticket to “crash” at The Bachelor Pad. And yes, I made sure, both Wes and The Weatherman are going to be there.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Hey sorry I missed your call last night. And no I couldn’t get her autgraph for you. Try commenting on her myspace page, I think its myspace.com/taylorswift.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: What can I say? Of course I feel honored that you so highly live by the teachings of my writings- in particular: “How to Wear Pink, If You’re a Guy”. I just think for your own safety, though, it’s not the best idea to go around ripping off the shirts of guys you see wearing pink with khaki pants, declaring, “You’ve been Nicked!”
View Feedback (4)
Pam Price Williams: You boys are funny, and I’m glad I know you…both of you!
David Stanley: I think we have a new saying…how many people have you “Nicked” today?
Nick Shell: I think we should incorporate “Bunny Bucks” into the system somehow.
David Stanley: for every 2 people you “Nick”, you earn 1 bunny buck.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Nick, I can’t make it to your instructional seminar tonight. Actually I didn’t even know you had a “Crochete Certificate for Instructors.” Makes sense though, because your crocheted scarf patterns last year were the talk of the retirement community. Glad your sharing your skills now. I’ll be at the Hard Rock tonight.
Flood Benefit feat. Creed | Hard Rock Cafe | Rock | Nashville Scene
www.nashvillescene.com

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: That’s a good question. I’m not really sure what all it takes to get licensed to drive an ice cream truck. I mean, officially, at least. I know you’ve been practicing the last couple of weeks just for fun, but, yeah, I don’t know. Good question. Good luck with that, though.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Did you win your eBay bid? If you end up winning, congrats! I know much you’ve always wanted Bob Saget’s autograph. Now once you get Uncle Jesse’s you’ll finally have autographs for the whole cast of Full House. Awesome.
View Feedback (1)
Nick Shell: Hey… Cut, it, out!.. How rude!

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I would never have said “it’s as easy as taking candy from a baby” if I would have known you would make it a game to see how much candy you could literally take from babies (mainly in grocery stores and church picnics) then brag about it in your blog. Wait… do you have any Three Musketeers in your stash?

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Nick, I know. You don’t have to explain it in detail, and actually I’d prefer it if you didn’t. But use the cream the doctor gave you. That’ll dry up the rash.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: Well, I know, but just because it’s something you do in the “Internet world and not the real world”, you can still actually be arrested for it. I agree, acting like you were from England to get people to send you money through their hotmail accounts may have been an easy way to make a few easy bucks, but it’s still actually illegal. Don’t worry though, I won’t say anything about it to anyone.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: you’re kidding me right? If you’re telling the truth, I think it’s kinda cool you used to be a choreographer. Do a lot of people know this video is a dance you choreographed? 00:58-1:00 the dancers in the background definitely look like your work.
Arsenio Hall Show – Color Me Badd – All For Love (1992 Live)
www.youtube.com
View Feedback (2)
Nick Shell: Yes, it’s true. I’m that talented. The most impressive part of this: I turned eleven years old in 1992.
Ben Wilder: You were Justin Bieber before Justin Bieber was cool.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I’m really interested to learn more about how you ended up teaching yourself to spay and neuter animals while you were in college. You kinda left things vague where you mentioned it under “info” on your facebook profile. Like was it part of an elective course or just a hobby?

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: I am a Droid.
I find Nick Shell’s pocket and hide there.
Every time he hears “droooiiiiiid” he says, “what? where!?”
Because the noise was either me in the front pocket,
or in his underwear, a droid droplet.
Droid.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: No, not really. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily “wrong” or even illegal to marry your 2nd cousin. You might even be able to keep that part a secret since you both have different last names. But like you said, maybe it’s just a crush.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: That’s hilarious! I thought you would’ve got Slater, but the quiz said you have a Screech personality? Wow. Do you think they’re right?

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: Hey thanks for returning my hair clippers so quickly- you know, the ones you borrowed last week… Though I’m a little confused why they’re all jammed up and smell funny now. That never happened before when I used them to cut my hair…

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Did you ever catch the train? Ohh, did you mean you were buying a training bra? I thought you said you were buying a train ticket. Sorry.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I’m no specialist, but I would say that eventually your 8 year-old nephew will grow out of his bedwetting stage. But it may help if you… oh, I mean… if he doesn’t drink as much soda pop while playing Dungeons and Dragons after dinner. That’s really the best advice I can give you. Oh… I mean him.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: you WOULD join “Team Jacob”. Come on, Nick. This whole time you had me believing you were siding with Edward.
View Feedback (2)
Rhonda Walsh Hendricks: I knew it. Traitor.
Ben Wilder: You had us all fooled, didn’t you, Nick? If that’s even your real name.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: So look, I appreciate you dropping off the box of Amway cleaning products at my house. They were indeed successful in getting out the stains in my carpet which you made in your demonstration, though I’m still not quite sure what that brown stuff was in that jar your poured out. Nonetheless, I’m gonna pass on becoming an Amway sales rep with you. Sorry, but good luck on that. Maybe you should use your facebook status update to try and recruit more Amway salespeople. No?

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Hey Nick!! Dude, I can’t believe I found you on Facebook. Last February I randomly saw your name scribbled in a bathroom stall at the Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama so I wrote a note to myself to try to find you on here. Four months later, I found the square of toilet paper in my jeans pocket and remembered to look for you! Gosh, man, what have you been up to all these years???

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: Well I must say again it was really wonderful having your parents visit church this past Sunday. And no matter what funny looks your mom thinks she may have received, we are very accepting, no matter how a person comes dressed. Though I will say, it may be the first time a woman has ever worn combat boots to our church.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: Nick, I need to send you a private message about something. I’m pretty upset about it. Remember that poem you submitted a few years ago to the “Nashville Has Poets and Knows Its!” competition? Did they ever find out you plagerized? I had no idea till this morning when I read the lyrics to Red, Red Wine (by UB40) and low and behold, the verses are the same as your poem. Not cool, man. You shouldn’t have submitted a poem anyway, it was for elementary-age kids. But I’ll send you a private message about all this.
View Feedback (1)
Nick Shell: No, they never found out it was “plagerized”. But they did find out it was plagiarized.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I feel kinda awkward about bringing this up, but my niece is starting to ask me where her DVD is. You know the one- Hannah Montana: The Movie. Are you finished burning it to your collection yet? If not, I might be able to delay, but just for a few more days. Also, I hate to be a nag, but… do the words “Justin Bieber” mean anything to you? Yeah, you’ve had that CD for a while now. I need to return that to the public library. Overdue fees are adding up…

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: well, that’s why she called the book Pride AND Prejudice, because Elizabeth struggled with prejudice and Darcy struggled with pride. So they both had to work through their issues before a relationship could work. It’s funny what you said about Mr. Collins though, how if you were a girl, you would have been a cougar on the hunt for him.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: I kinda feel bad about my initial reaction. The truth is, I’m really happy for you. It’s just that I’ve never known anyone that has done the whole mail order bride thing from Russia. Really though, it’s cool. Have you and Henka set a date for the wedding? P.S. Does she speak any English?
View Feedback (2)
Britney Grayson: ummm I am a hysterically laughing member of your studio audience! These things crack me up!!!
Jennifer Moore: I agree with Britney! …totally just laughed out loud!!

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: got your message. Can’t make it out to the “Lecture On Skid Marks: On The Road and On Your Undies” today but have fun. I hope there’s no scratch & sniff exhibits there.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: So I read Chris N.’s Twitter about your trip to Orlando last week. You two were college roommates? Why didn’t you say something sooner?! Anyway, that’s cool that you finally got to check out his favorite “guilty pleasure” Mexican restaurant that he mentioned on the show. And… Congrats on getting to try out for the next season of The Bachelorette. I hope they pick you! Maybe you can be “Rated G”?

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: I can’t believe you went through with it! When you said,”I want to be a man, I want to be a man for that woman,” I didn’t know that meant you were getting a tattoo on your lower back! Can’t wait to see it!
Joe Hendricks likes this.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: So listen, I won’t be able to make it to the Captain Planet party you’re hosting tomorrow night at your house. I wish I could see you dressed up in costume. If anyone can pull off a blue mullet, red underwear, and an exposed midriff, it’s definitely you. I’m really impressed how you take “going green” to a whole other level!

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: hey, I have an answer for your question. Turns out IBS medicine is supposed to be taken orally, not rubbing it into your skin. Hopefully this problem clears up for you soon, though.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: So look, the pink My Lil Pony bedspread you ordered is actually only available in purple right now. Is that okay? Or is that too masculine? Anyway, just me me know…
View Feedback (3)
Joe Hendricks likes this.
Ben Wilder: I’m more upset at Joe than Nick. How could you like this Joe, how could you?
Joe Hendricks: It brought back memories of me beating up My lil pony’s with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But, I know how you feel…. My sister wanted the pink…. purple sucks.

 

Ben Wilder > Nick Shell: I saw you filling up your “green” car with gas at BP. Not cool, Nick, not cool.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: Oh man, I heard what happened. That must have been so embarrassing. I’m of course referring to when you showed up to host the dinner theatre show “The Merlot Murders” and you learned halfway through from an audience member that you had dog droid all over your pants. Ouch.

 

Nick Shell > Ben Wilder: Your face is a Droid.
View Feedback (1)
Ben Wilder: I’m gonna droid in a bag, light it on fire, and put it by your front door around 7pm. Cool?

Advertisements

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 3.

Episode 3 could be nicknamed the “Throwback Episode.” If you saw Ali’s outfit at the top of the show, you know what I mean. Hello 1984. Coincidentally, the same year Roberto was born. He got the first one-on-one date (he also got the very first rose in episode 1). It worries me that the producers are pushing him hard this early. No matter what the producers have in mind for us, though, the chemistry between he and Ali is undeniable! Right now Roberto has no faults. Could this be a setup for a devastating revelation later in the season? On their date they cuddle on the helipad. A couple of notable moments: she tustled her hair and, folks, that’s a huge signal. That and she’s as giddy as a Care Bear. She also said she wasn’t scared on the tightrope with Roberto. Flashback to one of her promises from the first episode (The Bachelorette, Episode 1.). I’ll admit I like Roberto. I felt some tears well up as their date ended and he asked her to remember him. He got a rose at the end of this date.

Next up, the group date with Kirk, John, Chris N., Frank, Jonathan, Craig R., Justin, Jesse, and Chris L. They drive out to a remote industrial area and join in a not so surprise concert by Canadian-band Barenaked Ladies. Hello 1998. They shoot scenes made for daytime soaps. Ali slaps Frank nine times. Skip to hot tub scene, poor John C. gets no touchy touchy with Ali Ali. Jonathan was nervous when going in for the kiss with Ali. He should pretend he’s upper level atmosphere and she’s an approaching storm. Then he could say stuff like, “If I said you had a warm front, would you hold it against me?” Bam. Chris N. makes Frank the Smotherer jealous because he gets a bed scene with Ali. Kirk also has a bed scene. I’m beginning to wonder what kind of “music” video this is. Do I need to pay a subscription fee to keep watching? Also, note that Frank the Smotherer has reached security level orange. Meltdown approaching! Pack your canned goods and notify the relatives.

After the shoot is over, Chris L. gets some alone time and reveals the story behind his tattoo (click to see his mom’s signature largely inked across his upper body). Jonathan pulls Ali aside and discusses the tear-filled music video kiss. Awkward levels rise above regulation. Is it safe to say Jonathan is going home this episode? Kirk gets a barely not naked Ali alone in the hot tub. A continuation of the soap opera scene earlier. Guys are shocked that, what! Ali’s kissing another guy? No! Frank the Smotherer and the rest of the guys cannonball into the hot tub. Justin has one leg in and one leg out of the pool. They watch the debut of the music video. Everyone loves it. And Kirk gets the second rose of the night.

Later, Justin lives out The Proclaimers “I Would Walk 500 Miles” to be with Ali. Ok, maybe only a few miles, but I bet he’d pass almost every penny on to her. Justin 1, the rest of the guys 0. Justin shows her his family pictures and discusses his parents divorce, as well as his intentions with kids (when he has his own). One-legged Justin scores a goooooooaaaaaaal. Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!

Hunter prepares for his one-on-one date. Ali drops Justin off back at the house. He’s worried the guys will turn on him when they find out what he did. As of now, no one knows. After a commercial break, Justin lies to the guys. This will certainly not bode well with them when they find out. He should have kept it cool and been honest. Hunter’s excited about his date and Justin’s laughing on the inside. Again, not good for him. Ali takes Hunter back to her place. They eat dinner at the start of a low-key date. This is a good casual environment for Hunter (and most guys) to open up and be comfortable. They chat and then get in the hot tub. Is the romance there? Not looking like it, especially when Hunter has to tell Ali the rose is sitting close by. Ali drops the no-rose bomb.

Best scene of episode 3: In the hot tub, Hunter makes bubbles with his mouth, then kisses her shoulder.

The guys are back at their house, Justin keeps lying. Where’s Craig M. when you need a bad guy? Probably back in Canada looking for some bare naked ladies. The guys and Justin’s right leg have a heart to heart in the hot tub. Before the rose ceremony Chris L. scores some wicked one-on-one time with Ali, insurance that he’ll get a rose this time around. The guys find out Justin walked to Ali’s house and lied about it, cue the confrontation. Drama ensues. Clearly Justin is the new Craig M. Or is he the new Vienna? Hmmmmm? Either way, this episode just got an R rating for all the “I normally don’t cuss” cussing.

At the rose ceremony, Ali gives roses to Roberto, Kirk, Chris L., Jesse, Chris N., Ty, Kasey, Craig R., Frank, Jonathan, and Justin.

Eliminated this round: Hunter, Steve, and John C.

Check back in next week for a recap of episode 4!

Click here for a review of each bachelor.