Chuck Norris Deployed to Southeast as Storms Approach U.S.

PENSACOLA, FL — In an unprecedented move, FEMA has authorized the use of Chuck Norris in an effort to neutralize the double dose of tropical storms heading towards the United States. As noted in a statement from FEMA Administrator, Pete Gaynor, there hasn’t yet been an effective way to lessen the power of tropical storms… until now.

Greg Gallman, who serves on the National Advisory Council, messaged Gaynor with the idea to call on Mr. Norris for help combatting the threat of Marco and Laura, two tropical storms expected to make landfall as hurricanes this week along the Gulf coast of the United States. A source with knowledge of the conversation says the idea was met with confusion initially, but after Gallman explained how Mr. Norris “kicks everyone’s [butts] wherever he goes,” Gaynor was more open to the unconventional idea.

Historically, Brazilian jiu jitsu has not been used as a way to overpower weather phenomena but in 2020, as many people will admit, nothing is off the table. As a black belt in BJJ, Chuck Norris graciously accepted the invitation to combat the storms, as he has yet to find an opponent he cannot defeat.

Mr. Norris will setup camp in Pensacola, Florida Monday afternoon but at the time of this posting it is unclear when he will call on his martial arts skills to chokehold the storms into submission, or if he will need to do so at all. Meteorologists in the area noticed something quite peculiar; once FEMA announced the inclusion of Chuck Norris in their plan to battle the two tropical storms, both Marco and Laura weakened and began spinning back towards where they came from.

Details will be updated as needed.

-OTW News

flowers, flyers, and a ferocious beagle

Breaking news: I have new guests in my backyard. The first picture here is a flower that I had no idea was even part of the makeup of my yard! A tiny bit of the backstory is that this area actually had a tree in it not too long ago till a storm blew it down. Now, I guess there’s room for things like this to show up? It looks like some kind of hibiscus… with a few visitors of its own.

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Next up is a moth/butterfly creature that is beautiful. The problem with these guys is that they rarely stay anywhere long enough to get a good photograph but I’m very thankful to get this shot.

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So far these things have been pretty, right? Then we get to this guy.

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While I wouldn’t call a cicada “pretty” by the standard definition, they’re very fascinating to look at (when they aren’t haphazardly flying towards your face!). Kind of like this insect… pretty in it’s own freaky way. I would’ve had more pictures of the cicada, certainly the blurry photo isn’t the best, or wouldn’t have been the one I chose… but…. I only got one photo before… how do I say this delicately…. well…. let’s just say I’m the only vegan in my house and I’ll let you decide what that means.

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Good day to ya!

-Out of the Wilderness

Convenient design for hanging your mask in the car

Based on a need of my own, I came up with a simple design to store my sunglasses in the car when I wasn’t wearing them and I called it the Shades Hanger. So not only am I the designer, I’m also a client. Then a few days ago it dawned on me, this little thing would be great for masks, too. It’s perfectly designed with two hooks that will keep your cute little mask off the car floorboards where it would get dirty and/or lost.

Let’s be honest, hanging your mask on the rear-view mirror is so April.

Be hip for the remainder of 2020, not to mention you’ll also keep your mask clean and easy to find with this great little product! Check out the images below and click here to order a few for yourself and loved ones.

Click here to take a look and purchase

-Out of the Wilderness

Celebrating my parents’ 50th Anniversary!

This was back in December 2019 and I don’t know what took me so long to put this to music but nonetheless, here are the world’s best parents (they read this blog, you know :)) along with the rest of the family celebrating in St. Augustine, Florida, where my parents went on their honeymoon 50 years earlier. Look closely and you’ll notice a picture where they are standing in the parking lot of the very hotel they went to on their honeymoon! This was such a special weekend full of laughs, stories, music, beachyness, and making great memories.

-Out of the Wilderness

Notes on the DNC Convention…

I was going to take notes about the goings-on of the Democratic National Convention. Something I enjoy is keeping statistics like how many times a certain word, name, or phrase is spoken, who appears in the show/presentation, etc– for instance, I’ve done it in the past for the State of the Union— and that was my plan all the way up until the DNCC started on that first night, Monday. There was only one word I could keep track of during the 2 hour virtual convention on that first night and that word was: boredom. So I knew right away I wasn’t going to be taking notes as I originally intended.

I’m sure you can check out plenty of other sites if you want a recap of what went on, anyway. As I went to sleep, all I could come up with is somewhat of a joke, but also very serious and concerning for this country. To set it up a bit, Kamala Harris (the Democrats nominee for Vice President) said in her first appearance after being nominated:

I’ve had a lot of titles over my career, and certainly vice president will be great, but Mamala will always be the one that means the most.

She’s referencing the name her stepkids call her, a combination of Mama and Kamala.
So my serious yet playful joke is this:

If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are elected in November, we will have fallen for the biggest “Joe Mama” joke in American History.

Get it? Because Joe… and Mama…. and the well-known “Yo Mama” or “Joe Mama” jokes?? OK, if I have to explain it then maybe my clever thought isn’t so good! 🙂

Hope you (and your Mama) are having a great week!

-Out of the Wilderness