The song recently released is called “Accidental Racist,” and it features LL Cool J rapping on a Brad Paisley song. The best way I can think to describe it is imagine a junior high kid in the basement recording songs off the radio with his dual cassette deck stereo he got for Christmas. On a rainy day when he had nothing better to do, he thought, “I wonder what it would sound like to combine two songs?” So he found an old tape of a rapper from the early 90s and the most opposite song he could find on another tape. Working through the night, he spliced the rap into a slow country song and this will be the moment he’ll look back on years from now and know he’s better at selling insurance than making music. He’ll go on to have a successful career, he’ll marry a girl he met in college, have a couple of kids, and take them to soccer games on Saturday morning. No house in the neighborhood holds a candle to the Christmas decorations he sets up every year. Not only that, he’s a monster when it comes to fine washables, which his wife appreciates. Every now and then he wonders what could have been if he’d spent more time in the basement that summer. “Who knows,” he thinks, “I could’ve been like the white version of Eminem.” Then one Saturday after his oldest daughter lost 3-1 to the soccer team from one county over, the Taney Tornadoes, he stopped by Publix to pick up some tea.
“The dress goes great with her blue hair.” -from the E! red carpet show.
“Whitney, we will always love YOU.” -LL Cool J, after a clip of Whitney Houston singing “I Will Always Love You” at a previous Grammy Awards show.
“Tonight we’re celebrating music. Tonight we celebrate the beautiful Ms. Whitney Houston. So get off your rich asses and let’s have some fun, come on, y’all.” -Bruno Mars (mid-performance).
“Seeing as it’s a vocal I need to find my doctors I suppose, who brought my voice back.” -Adele after winning Best Pop Solo Performance for “Someone Like You.”
“Don’t you wanna stay?” -Jason Aldean
“Oh yeah.” -Kelly Clarkson in response to Jason Aldean.
Randomly in the commercial break after Coldplay’s performance, a fantastic 2-minute and 15-second long commercial from Chipotle Mexican Grill. Check it out here: (more quotes if you scroll down past the video)
“…and the Grammy goes to… ‘Walk’ Foo Fighters.” -Mario Manningham presenting Best Rock Performance. Foo Fighters?? Really? Are they still around?
“We made this one in my garage with some microphones and a tape machine.” -Foo Fighters. Ok, that makes more sense.
“She’s giving me good vibrations.” -performance by The Beach Boys. Love it. How many new songs performed tonight will be performed again on the Grammy stage in 40 years? None.
“We’d like to thank all of our opening acts tonight. Especially that very promising kid from Liverpool.” -The Civil Wars (about halfway through the show, referring to all the performances done so far).
“Someday I’ll be singing this at the Grammys, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.” -Taylor Swift with a lyric alteration during her “Mean” song performance.
“The nominees in this category are six of our finest in country music, but Miranda only married one of them.” -Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert presenting Best Country Album.
“It’s really hard to accept this award. There’s so much talent up here, like, on this stage. There’s a lot of talent not here.” -Bon Iver accepting the Best New Artist award. Well said!
“Bittersweet man, Maurice. That is all I’m taking with me.” -Jennifer Hudson singing “I Will Always Love You.” I never understood those lyrics… until tonight. We’re gonna miss you Maurice.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce—– [News Channel 5 at 10 Theme Music]” -Drake introducing Nicki Minaj, then interrupted by the start of the News at 10. Somewhere in Nashville a Channel 5 employee is getting fired.
“That was two and a half hours? How many awards did they give out, like, one per hour??” -me