Tom Selleck. Hulk Hogan. White Goodman. Ben Wilder.
What do these four men have in common? A fairly common case of Awesomeupper Lipness. For seven days I wore a mustache with as much commitment as I could muster. Consider it an experiment in social acceptance. Here are a few reactions I got from people:
Are you trying to get on the government’s watch list? Because you’re creeping out Amber.
*applause* I’m applauding the mustache… manly.
Oh, damn… that’s deisel!
Are you trying out for the Police Academy?
I think I saw you on “How To Catch A Predator” last night.
Have you been watching “Three Men and A Baby”? What inspired this?
Honey, come over here. (mother commanding young daughter near me at a yard sale)
Ben, you have some dirt— *points finger to upper lip*
You kinda look like Tom Selleck. *followed by ‘not-a-compliment’ laughter*
What are you doing? (me to myself in the mirror)
*A nod and a wave from another guy with a mustache*
You should grow it out.
I like your mustache.
This is not the first time I’ve grown a mustache, however I was more commited this time, and spent more time making it look the best it could. Suprisingly, I never heard these comments:
That mustache is hot.
Hey manly man, take me out on a date and make my whole life worthwhile.
If I said your mustache was awesome, would you hold it against my lips?
If your mustache was money, it would be a thousand dollar bill!
Wow, Tom Selleck looks like you.
Did Chuck Norris scare the rest of your beard away?
*after seeing me, girl to current boyfriend* We’re done.
*after seeing me, girl to current boyfriend* See? Now that’s a man.
*after seeing me, girl thinks about current boyfriend* Am I settling?
His upper lip is partying like it’s 1989.
Does that policeman know he’s awesome?
Is he punching through glass because he can or because he can?