The Man Behind ‘The Dadabase’

If you log onto the internet and search for things like Jewish actors, the height of famous people, pickles, or marijuana, you’re sure to come across a website of blogs called Scenic Route Snapshots.

With little to no knowledge of any specific subject, the author of this site writes and encourages people to click on his pages, all for his silly enjoyment. Quite frankly, it’s disturbing. Who knew that this youngster had such a bright and successful future ahead? Somewhere along the way, though, things took a turn for the worse. The first sign of a decline surfaced from this theft security camera in a mall store. Forever 21.  Some suspect his life began the downward spiral when he started dating his first girlfriend… … while others doubt that theory because he was often seen at bingo night with his brother. Do either of these guys look like criminals? No. Just brothers. Most likely, his dark side flourished when his parents grounded him for a full year after discovering he joined the dangerous underground bingo gang “F.S.B.” Alone in his room with no access to other “Fourth Street Bingers” gang members, he inked his first tattoo. There were many more tattoos to come, mostly of small reptiles and one of a dolphin on his lower back. He embraced the bad boy lifestyle for the next few years, then an opportunity to escape and rebuild a life of happiness came in the form of male modeling. His signature look “Magnum” was a huge hit, and even spawned a hit movie starring Ben Stiller. His popularity, however, dropped sharply when his obssession admiration of Scott Stapp, lead singer of Creed, came to light.  He was forced to move out of the United States. Facts of his life overseas are fuzzy here, but this picture lends to the theory that he was involved in some kind of fight club. Supporting that theory is the fact that he recently was allowed back in the country, but under a new alias… Richard Shell, P.I.M.P. (and Richard was not what people called him, if you know what I mean).

Then he moved to the outskirts of a large city, fell in love, got married, and here’s the video to prove it. It’s possible he’s experienced enough to give him some sort of niche in the online world of writing, but the fella’s in F.S.B. disagree. They think his writing is elementary, only slightly enlightening, and his use of interesting details is grossly overestimated. 

Congrats, Dick! You’ve overcome so many obstacles.

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Mustache Friday

Tom Selleck.   Hulk Hogan.   White Goodman.   Ben Wilder.

What do these four men have in common? A fairly common case of Awesomeupper Lipness. For seven days I wore a mustache with as much commitment as I could muster. Consider it an experiment in social acceptance. Here are a few reactions I got from people:

Nice ‘stache.

Are you trying to get on the government’s watch list? Because you’re creeping out Amber.

*applause*  I’m applauding the mustache… manly.

Oh, damn… that’s deisel!

Magnum.

Are you trying out for the Police Academy?

I think I saw you on “How To Catch A Predator” last night.

Have you been watching “Three Men and A Baby”? What inspired this?

Honey, come over here. (mother commanding young daughter near me at a yard sale)

Ben, you have some dirt— *points finger to upper lip*

You kinda look like Tom Selleck. *followed by ‘not-a-compliment’ laughter*

What are you doing? (me to myself in the mirror)

*A nod and a wave from another guy with a mustache*

I’ll still hang out with you, it doesn’t matter.

You should grow it out.

Slow down, ‘stache.

Ben Selleck.

I like your mustache.

Birth control.

The Dude abides.

This is not the first time I’ve grown a mustache, however I was more commited this time, and spent more time making it look the best it could. Suprisingly, I never heard these comments:

That mustache is hot.

Hey manly man, take me out on a date and make my whole life worthwhile.

If I said your mustache was awesome, would you hold it against my lips?

If your mustache was money, it would be a thousand dollar bill!

Wow, Tom Selleck looks like you.

Did Chuck Norris scare the rest of your beard away?

*after seeing me, girl to current boyfriend*   We’re done.

*after seeing me, girl to current boyfriend*   See? Now that’s a man.

*after seeing me, girl thinks about current boyfriend*   Am I settling?

His upper lip is partying like it’s 1989.

Does that policeman know he’s awesome?

Is he punching through glass because he can or because he can?