Episode 2 (01/10/2011)
This episode was a doozy! I had no idea Monday night would be filled with so! much! drama! Between this show and the college National Championship between Auburn and Oregon, I could hardly contain myself. I should say, “We could hardly contain ourselves,” but my friend who watched both events with me wishes to remain anonymous. He’ll deny it, but he’s hooked on The Bachelor. I may quote him from time to time because of his insight into the show, the male mindset and his expertise in the… oh, who am I kidding, he just loves Emily.
I’m assuming you’re familiar with the rules of the show, so I won’t bore you with the same info Chris shared. The first date card arrived at the bachelorette mansion and it was for Ashley H. (Dentist from Philly). The clue: “The road to love is a wild ride.” Brad picked her up in a convertible Aston Martin and they eventually ended up on a dark dirt road. They parked and walked by lantern to a dark field. Ashley flipped a switch to discover carnival rides, all for her. She and Brad did all the things people do at carnivals: ate cotton candy, rode the ferris wheel, took photos together, more cotton candy, whirly doo, vomit behind the ticket booth. Oh, they also had a deep conversation about their past, and if it weren’t for Ashley saying “perfact” instead of “perfect” more than once, I would kinda like her.
Meanwhile the second date card arrived. The clue: “Let’s share something from the heart.” Awwwww, every bachelors dream. It might have well said, “Let’s just talk.” This date was for 15 of the 19 remaining girls. Michelle (Hair Stylist from Utah) was included on this date and revealed she’s got some crazy running through her veins. Even if she’s got a heart, it’s pumping crazy juuuuiiiiiice! She wanted the group date to center around her and her 30th birthday. Well, guess what Crazy Juice, there’s 14 other girls so just calm down. Thank goodness there’s the cool, calm, and collected Melissa (Waitress from Lake Worth, FL) to teach and guide young Michelle. Oh wait, Melissa is crazy too. Darn. Just because you look like the lesser-liked older twin of Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress from Los Angeles) doesn’t mean Brad is going to like you, Melissa. So! much! drama! On the date, the group recorded a few Public Service Announcements for the Red Cross. Notable moments from this date: Britt “Me Kiss You Long Time” Billmaier (Food Writer from Washington) kissed Brad… for a long time. Kimberly (Marketing Coordinator from North Carolina) said about Michelle, “It’s her birthday, she can cry if she wants to.” Kimberly, you would cry, too, if it happened to you. Yes! Great follow up by me.
After the PSA’s were finished, they all partook in a rooftop dinner. At one point, Michelle got Brad away from the other girls. She is so strange. She admitted she wanted to dissect Brad and peel his layers. I don’t know if it was because she frightened him or because she threatened to inject him with crazy, but Brad gave her a rose.
The final date card went to Jackie (Artist from NYC). The clue: “Let’s get our love on track.” The date started when Brad picked her up in a Bentley. They arrived at a swanky hotel and put robes on. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hotel robes? Here’s where I mention it, actually. This date was all about pampering Jackie. She got to choose a dress from a large selection and was allowed to wear a beautiful expensive-looking necklace. The Bentley then brought the couple to the Hollywood Bowl for a private dinner, serenaded by the band Train. Dancing. Kissing. Brad offered Jackie the rose, she accepted. Let’s be real, though. In that situation, Screech could’ve offered her a rose and she would’ve accepted. Am I right or am I right, ladies? Of course Zac would’ve swooped in and kissed her before Screech did, like in that episode where Zac swooped in and kissed a girl before Screech did. Don’t act like you don’t remember.
If you’re curious about the songs performed by Train, the first was “If It’s Love” and the second was “Marry Me.”
Just before the rose ceremony, Crazy Juice stole Brad away from the rest of the girls to ask him if he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean. She already has a rose, what was she doing??? And why did she say “stalked” when asking about Brad’s refrigerator contents? She meant “stocked” but that’s not was she saaaaiiiiiid. Girl is crazy.
Somehow Brad escaped and spent time with Emily (Hospital Event Planner from North Carolina). Clearly emerging as the fan favorite, Emily and Brad remind me a lot of Ali and Roberto. Ali was giddy from the very beginning, and Brad admitted he can’t find the right words to say when he’s with Emily. She’ll be on this show a long time. As will Ashley S. (Nanny from NYC) who showed a lot of maturity when she attempted to diffuse the cat fight between Melissa and Raichel (Manscaper from California). Niether of them could let it go and the Needy Juice flowed. Yes, yes… they cried. Melissa confided in Madison (Model from Brooklyn). One thing I’ve learned, never trust a vampire (Model from Brooklyn). I’ve also learned more about what an energy suck is.
Quote of the episode
Melissa: “She’s just like, such an energy suck. I’m sorry, I had onions in my pizza… and I had four slices.”
Brad: “Sounds good.”
In the end, roses went to (Ashley H., Michelle, Jackie, Emily) Shantal O., Sarah P., Alli, Kimberly, Shawntel N., Stacey, Ashley S., Madison, Lisa, Marissa, Meghan, Lindsay and Britt.
Melissa, Raichel and Keltie were sent home without a rose.