Sports, and Why Guys Like Them

Football. Baseball. Hockey. Basketball. Tennis. Soccer. Nascar. What do these sports have in common? There must be a winner. Of all the rules in all of sports (and let’s face it, in some sports there are way too many rules (yes I’m talking to you NFL)), requiring a winner is the single most attractive thing about sports. If you then connect this all-important rule to the male mind, it’s very easy to see why guys like sports. Because in a guy’s mind, there is order. There is a #1. There is a #2. There is a #3 and so on.Open up the passion for sports in a more broad fashion, and you’ll discover it’s more about competing than it is about the actual sport, though. My favorites to play are football and basketball. My favorite to watch is football. But my ultra favorite thing to do? Win. It can be pick-up basketball at the Y, it can be a 5K race or a race up the stairs. It can also be something as absurd as the Nashville Fantasy Bachelor League. Guys want to be #1. And when we can’t be, we cheer for a team we think can.

Lance Armstrong, Tour De France winner

A friend of mine is a self-proclaimed sports agnostic. He’s not against athletics, he’s not against athletes. But he is against those fanatics. If you’re interested, his thoughts on the subject are posted here. What I submit to him is the idea that sports should be viewed on a broader scale (like I mentioned, it’s more about competing).If my friend were to watch a football game the way he writes blogs, I think he may begin to understand. Yes, my friend is a writer. And before you say, “Well, no wonder the flower child doesn’t like sports! He’s one of those weirdo creative types,” you should know that he is an Alabama Crimson Tide fan as well (Now you have my permission to say it). His allegiance to Alabama is more for the sake of picking a side (Alabama or Auburn) than it is about actually liking the team, but hey, at least he’s aware that there are sides in that fight.When my friend writes, he spends time and energy making the delivery and presentation a top notch product. Why? It’s not so the reader will like it. It’s so the reader will like it more than anything else they read. When the Seattle Seahawks take the field against the New Orleans Saints they want to run the right plays and score points, but not just to play well. They want to win the game and be the best in the league. My friend writing to be the best and the Seahawks playing to be the best are the same thing.

Why guys likes sports can be summed up in four points.
Challenge. It’s exciting to push skills to the limit, and watch other people do the same.
Competition. An exciting way to measure talents, passions and skills.
Hitting. Guys like to hit things, or watch people hit things.
Hierarchy. There must be a #1. This idea is built into the male DNA. If you’re a guy, you are born with the desire to be king of the mountain, and have songs written about your halls. 

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The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 2: Energy Suck.

Episode 2 (01/10/2011)

This episode was a doozy! I had no idea Monday night would be filled with so! much! drama! Between this show and the college National Championship between Auburn and Oregon, I could hardly contain myself. I should say, “We could hardly contain ourselves,” but my friend who watched both events with me wishes to remain anonymous. He’ll deny it, but he’s hooked on The Bachelor. I may quote him from time to time because of his insight into the show, the male mindset and his expertise in the… oh, who am I kidding, he just loves Emily.

I’m assuming you’re familiar with the rules of the show, so I won’t bore you with the same info Chris shared. The first date card arrived at the bachelorette mansion and it was for Ashley H. (Dentist from Philly). The clue: “The road to love is a wild ride.” Brad picked her up in a convertible Aston Martin and they eventually ended up on a dark dirt road. They parked and walked by lantern to a dark field. Ashley flipped a switch to discover carnival rides, all for her. She and Brad did all the things people do at carnivals: ate cotton candy, rode the ferris wheel, took photos together, more cotton candy, whirly doo, vomit behind the ticket booth. Oh, they also had a deep conversation about their past, and if it weren’t for Ashley saying “perfact” instead of “perfect” more than once, I would kinda like her.

Meanwhile the second date card arrived. The clue: “Let’s share something from the heart.” Awwwww, every bachelors dream. It might have well said, “Let’s just talk.” This date was for 15 of the 19 remaining girls. Michelle (Hair Stylist from Utah) was included on this date and revealed she’s got some crazy running through her veins. Even if she’s got a heart, it’s pumping crazy juuuuiiiiiice! She wanted the group date to center around her and her 30th birthday. Well, guess what Crazy Juice, there’s 14 other girls so just calm down. Thank goodness there’s the cool, calm, and collected Melissa (Waitress from Lake Worth, FL) to teach and guide young Michelle. Oh wait, Melissa is crazy too. Darn. Just because you look like the lesser-liked older twin of Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress from Los Angeles) doesn’t mean Brad is going to like you, Melissa. So! much! drama! On the date, the group recorded a few Public Service Announcements for the Red Cross. Notable moments from this date: Britt “Me Kiss You Long Time” Billmaier (Food Writer from Washington) kissed Brad… for a long time. Kimberly (Marketing Coordinator from North Carolina) said about Michelle, “It’s her birthday, she can cry if she wants to.” Kimberly, you would cry, too, if it happened to you. Yes! Great follow up by me.

After the PSA’s were finished, they all partook in a rooftop dinner. At one point, Michelle got Brad away from the other girls. She is so strange. She admitted she wanted to dissect Brad and peel his layers. I don’t know if it was because she frightened him or because she threatened to inject him with crazy, but Brad gave her a rose.

The final date card went to Jackie (Artist from NYC). The clue: “Let’s get our love on track.” The date started when Brad picked her up in a Bentley. They arrived at a swanky hotel and put robes on. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hotel robes? Here’s where I mention it, actually. This date was all about pampering Jackie. She got to choose a dress from a large selection and was allowed to wear a beautiful expensive-looking necklace. The Bentley then brought the couple to the Hollywood Bowl for a private dinner, serenaded by the band Train. Dancing. Kissing. Brad offered Jackie the rose, she accepted. Let’s be real, though. In that situation, Screech could’ve offered her a rose and she would’ve accepted. Am I right or am I right, ladies? Of course Zac would’ve swooped in and kissed her before Screech did, like in that episode where Zac swooped in and kissed a girl before Screech did. Don’t act like you don’t remember.

If you’re curious about the songs performed by Train, the first was “If It’s Love” and the second was “Marry Me.”

Just before the rose ceremony, Crazy Juice stole Brad away from the rest of the girls to ask him if he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean. She already has a rose, what was she doing??? And why did she say “stalked” when asking about Brad’s refrigerator contents? She meant “stocked” but that’s not was she saaaaiiiiiid. Girl is crazy.

Somehow Brad escaped and spent time with Emily (Hospital Event Planner from North Carolina). Clearly emerging as the fan favorite, Emily and Brad remind me a lot of Ali and Roberto. Ali was giddy from the very beginning, and Brad admitted he can’t find the right words to say when he’s with Emily. She’ll be on this show a long time. As will Ashley S. (Nanny from NYC) who showed a lot of maturity when she attempted to diffuse the cat fight between Melissa and Raichel (Manscaper from California). Niether of them could let it go and the Needy Juice flowed. Yes, yes… they cried. Melissa confided in Madison (Model from Brooklyn). One thing I’ve learned, never trust a vampire (Model from Brooklyn). I’ve also learned more about what an energy suck is.

Quote of the episode
Melissa: “She’s just like, such an energy suck. I’m sorry, I had onions in my pizza… and I had four slices.”
Brad: “Sounds good.”

In the end, roses went to (Ashley H., Michelle, Jackie, Emily) Shantal O., Sarah P., Alli, Kimberly, Shawntel N., Stacey, Ashley S., Madison, Lisa, Marissa, Meghan, Lindsay and Britt.

Melissa, Raichel and Keltie were sent home without a rose.

They Call Him Flipper

In California, St. Teresa, or the East coast of Viet Nam, it really doesn’t matter, I love the beach! There’s an exciting and mysterious attraction to the ocean, the sand and all the creatures in the deep. Here in middle Tennessee, many folks will offer up a lake as an acceptable alternative, but to that I’ll shout, “Exhibit A!” Here’s the Exhibit A: when’s the last time there was breaking news about a lake creature found thousands of feet deep? Exhibit B: when have you seen photos of exotic locations on the coast of Tennessee? Never! Exhibit B Attachment 1: Tennessee doesn’t have a coast. Exhibit B Attachment 2: even if Tennessee had a coast, you’d have to drive through legions of University of Tennessee fans, with their car flags and door magnets just to get there. Slam #1: I can think of fifteen things I rather do than talk about the University of Tennessee. And ten more rather than the SEC! (that was Slam #2)

The beach is a much happier thought, and much more mysterious, thus Exhibit C: ocean explorers are finding new species every few months. Side Note 1: the funny thing is the species have been there all along, we just haven’t been able to get to where they are. As technology advances, so does discovery. Segue 1: Personal discovery.

I go fishing in the Gulf of Mexico a couple of times a year with my dad. Honestly, I only enjoy the actual fishing part of it when I catch fish. Most of what I enjoy is the unknown. Boating two hours away from the shore will put you right in the middle of the wild. I’ve seen sea turtles, sharks, manta rays, man-o-wars, manatees, crocodiles, and my all-time favorite… porpoises. Side note 2: Growing up in the states united in the East compelled me to fall in love with three things: seafood, the sun, and the Miami Dolphins.

Segue 2: the Miami Dolphins were named after the mammal in which I intend to elaborate on. Dolphins are very similar to porpoises and I’m not going to school you on the differences. In North Florida, we called them porpoises. Proposal 1: In all I’ve seen of ocean life, these creatures are the only ones that choose fun. On a large ocean liner, they’ll swim speedily at the bow. Behind a large troller they’ll dart in and out of the wake. Or off in the distance, they’ll jump high into a flip. Years ago I had the rare privilege of watching a porpoise swim upside down underneath a small watercraft I was on. It was amazing, amazing! I still remember the color of the belly and how excited I was to witness this.

 

Look at a porpoise in the face and you’ll swear they’re smiling.

Proposal 2: It’s as if all the other creatures of the sea act out of survival instinct, while the porpoise looks for ways to be happy. Analogy 1: Sea creatures are like the cart rides at Disney World. They turn a little to the left and right, but they’re locked on a track to go one direction. Instinct is the big honkin’ metal bar underneath the cart that keeps it on track. The carts, or fish, are slave to it. The porpoise? The porpoise is a Volkswagon Beatle named Herbie. They are free to go anywhere and do anything, and sometimes, they even go bananas! That was Corny Reference 1. But it’s true. Porpoises have instinct, but no metal bar. I like to think that they’re aware of our happiness with them and that’s why they jump out of the water, swim upside down underneath our boats, and help Sandy and Bud catch a group of criminals… because we like them and they like us.