Also check out 10 signs your date was once a contestant on The Bachelor.
Also check out 10 signs your date was once a contestant on The Bachelor.
Bachelor Brad Womack episode 4. 01/24/2011.
I defy you to tell me Michelle isn’t more likable after this episode. Just a leeeeeeetle more likable. It’s ok to admit it. I admitted it to myself and a couple of guys who, by request will remain nameless, watched the show with me. Strange? Perhaps. Embarrassing? Maybe. But we don’t care. Every Monday we three men get together and watch The Bachelor. It’s fine. We’re fine. We’re straight. We’re confident. We’re fine. We weed out the girls Brad should and shouldn’t give a rose to, who we like the most, and sort of all know we’re secretly hoping Emily leaves without a rose so one of us have a chance with her. Nameless guy #1 thinks they’re setting her up to be next season’s Bachelorette. I have my doubts. So let’s move on to episode four…
The first one-on-one date was with Chantal O. They did a poor man’s version of scuba diving. They wore these helmet things that were connected to an oxygen source up in the boat they came from. Why she and Brad tried to have a glass-to-glass kiss is beyond me, but hey, who am I to assume it’s not possible? If Spiderman is allowed to kiss upside down, then Braddy Mack is allowed to try a glass kiss. Anyway, after the underwater walk, they move to phase two- a romantic date on the beach. They obviously open up here about their past and the conversation gets deep and dull (for us the viewers). Chantal finally apologized for slapping him when they first met, but come on, she’s not really sorry. Hitting is the most flirty way to say “I like you.” Brad said that this day felt like a normal day, one he’d have in real life and with no glass to separate them, they kiss. He offered her the first rose of the evening and she accepted it.
Next was the group date. They rattled off the names way too fast for me to write them all down, so let’s just say he took a bunch of girls that’ll be eliminated later this season. I suppose I could run the DVR back and check each name. Sigh. It’s decision time. Is it worth it to turn the tv back on, rewind it, oh and I have to get up to get the tv controller, my dog’ll get up assuming I want to play, she’ll bite my hand, I’ll have to scold her, then give her a treat for sitting and shaking, wash my hands, wonder where the controller went, oh man my dog took it, why is she hiding under the table, give me the controller Piper!, she thinks it’s a game, darn she chewed a button off, I demand her to “come here” (she’s been learning this), she doesn’t, I wait for her because I can’t let her win, she eventually answers the call with the controller in her mouth, I have to wipe it off, I accidently hit a random button that fires up “input #4” and I can’t figure out what is on the tv screen now, check the clock, what!! it’s already 10:45, I can’t watch the episode now, “Piper get in bed,” so I brush my teeth and climb in bed without even posting this post, soooo no, I’m not gonna look up their names.
On the group date, they all went to the radio studio where the live show “Loveline” airs. Dr. Drew and Mike ask Mack Braddy questions and then ask the girls questions. If you recall, Britt actually shined the most here, showing a vulnerable cute side that Brad fell for. Unfortunately, an early favorite got bit by the jealous monster. He’s been biting some of these girls lately, that rascal. Who was the victim? Ashley H. I don’t normally use course language, but let’s be honest, she was acting like an Ash-hole. During the radio show, Stacey opted to take the “I hope my honesty makes me look good even though what I’m being honest about makes me look worse than the Ash-hole over there” route, and it’ll come back to haunt her later when the no-rose monster pays her a visit.
What’s up with this season of girls looking way different without makeup on? I mean, Ashley S., yowzers. Can I get an “Amen!” Call me superficial but I know I’m not the only one who also noticed how much different Chantal O. looks with glasses on. The camera adds ten pounds, but where did the other 20 come from? Those glasses shall be removed from YOUR FACE if thee wishes to win Brad’s heart. Ding ding, I included a “YOUR FACE” joke. Nameless guy #3 who blogs about the bachelor will like that I did this joke.
Later at the group date dinner, Ashley S. steals Braddy away from Alli. Jackie steals Braddy away from Ashley S. The girls begin to grumble about Ashley H. Britt admits to Brad she has a crush on him. They kiss passionately. Then Monster Mashley showed up and Brad wondered what the heck she’s doing being so caddy. Evenso, Brad later joined the girls in the hot tub with a rose to give. He was going to give it to Ashley H. till she made another under-her-breath comment, and he gave the rose to Britt instead.
The second one-on-one date went to Michelle. Why do the girls dislike her so much? What has she done different than any of the other girls? I think it’s because she barks and threatens to bite, but check this out: how many times has she talked behind a girls back? How many times has she said one thing and done another? One or less for either of those questions. She’s pretty darn genuine even if it’s not the way the other girls prefer her to act. That’s what they don’t like about her, she’s not like them. She’s the anti-hero to Emily’s hero. And yet, they both have Brad’s full attention.
Towards the end of the episode, Shawntel got some alone time. Meghan also got some time with him, but they sat far apart on the couch. Nothing says “I want you” like distance. She’s like that guy in that movie that no one remembers, you know who I’m talking about… that one guy, he does the thing. Oh forget it, she won’t make it much longer.
Just before the rose ceremony, Brad took Emily out to the stony entrance of the mansion for a picnic. He, like us, is trying hard to find something wrong with her. Good luck with that. He’s totally comfortable, as shown just after he laid the picnic blanket down. When he stood back up, he did a little hop step. I’m telling you, he’s giddy. Ali Roberto giddy.
Finally, Chantal cried a little but was reassured when Brad reassured her to rest assured that she’s safe. They kissed. Got to admit, they have a good real-life connection. We’ll have to see how that plays out, but for this episode she got a rose, as did Chantal, Britt, Michelle (all three from the dates earlier), Ashley S., Alli, Emily, Shawntel N., Lisa, Jackie, Marissa and Ashley H. Sent home were Meghan, Stacey and Lindsay.
Quotes of the episode:
Braddy to Chantal O. on their date: You better accept the damn rose.
Braddy: I like you Britt.
Britt: Me, too.
Episode 2 (01/10/2011)
This episode was a doozy! I had no idea Monday night would be filled with so! much! drama! Between this show and the college National Championship between Auburn and Oregon, I could hardly contain myself. I should say, “We could hardly contain ourselves,” but my friend who watched both events with me wishes to remain anonymous. He’ll deny it, but he’s hooked on The Bachelor. I may quote him from time to time because of his insight into the show, the male mindset and his expertise in the… oh, who am I kidding, he just loves Emily.
I’m assuming you’re familiar with the rules of the show, so I won’t bore you with the same info Chris shared. The first date card arrived at the bachelorette mansion and it was for Ashley H. (Dentist from Philly). The clue: “The road to love is a wild ride.” Brad picked her up in a convertible Aston Martin and they eventually ended up on a dark dirt road. They parked and walked by lantern to a dark field. Ashley flipped a switch to discover carnival rides, all for her. She and Brad did all the things people do at carnivals: ate cotton candy, rode the ferris wheel, took photos together, more cotton candy, whirly doo, vomit behind the ticket booth. Oh, they also had a deep conversation about their past, and if it weren’t for Ashley saying “perfact” instead of “perfect” more than once, I would kinda like her.
Meanwhile the second date card arrived. The clue: “Let’s share something from the heart.” Awwwww, every bachelors dream. It might have well said, “Let’s just talk.” This date was for 15 of the 19 remaining girls. Michelle (Hair Stylist from Utah) was included on this date and revealed she’s got some crazy running through her veins. Even if she’s got a heart, it’s pumping crazy juuuuiiiiiice! She wanted the group date to center around her and her 30th birthday. Well, guess what Crazy Juice, there’s 14 other girls so just calm down. Thank goodness there’s the cool, calm, and collected Melissa (Waitress from Lake Worth, FL) to teach and guide young Michelle. Oh wait, Melissa is crazy too. Darn. Just because you look like the lesser-liked older twin of Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress from Los Angeles) doesn’t mean Brad is going to like you, Melissa. So! much! drama! On the date, the group recorded a few Public Service Announcements for the Red Cross. Notable moments from this date: Britt “Me Kiss You Long Time” Billmaier (Food Writer from Washington) kissed Brad… for a long time. Kimberly (Marketing Coordinator from North Carolina) said about Michelle, “It’s her birthday, she can cry if she wants to.” Kimberly, you would cry, too, if it happened to you. Yes! Great follow up by me.
After the PSA’s were finished, they all partook in a rooftop dinner. At one point, Michelle got Brad away from the other girls. She is so strange. She admitted she wanted to dissect Brad and peel his layers. I don’t know if it was because she frightened him or because she threatened to inject him with crazy, but Brad gave her a rose.
The final date card went to Jackie (Artist from NYC). The clue: “Let’s get our love on track.” The date started when Brad picked her up in a Bentley. They arrived at a swanky hotel and put robes on. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hotel robes? Here’s where I mention it, actually. This date was all about pampering Jackie. She got to choose a dress from a large selection and was allowed to wear a beautiful expensive-looking necklace. The Bentley then brought the couple to the Hollywood Bowl for a private dinner, serenaded by the band Train. Dancing. Kissing. Brad offered Jackie the rose, she accepted. Let’s be real, though. In that situation, Screech could’ve offered her a rose and she would’ve accepted. Am I right or am I right, ladies? Of course Zac would’ve swooped in and kissed her before Screech did, like in that episode where Zac swooped in and kissed a girl before Screech did. Don’t act like you don’t remember.
If you’re curious about the songs performed by Train, the first was “If It’s Love” and the second was “Marry Me.”
Just before the rose ceremony, Crazy Juice stole Brad away from the rest of the girls to ask him if he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean. She already has a rose, what was she doing??? And why did she say “stalked” when asking about Brad’s refrigerator contents? She meant “stocked” but that’s not was she saaaaiiiiiid. Girl is crazy.
Somehow Brad escaped and spent time with Emily (Hospital Event Planner from North Carolina). Clearly emerging as the fan favorite, Emily and Brad remind me a lot of Ali and Roberto. Ali was giddy from the very beginning, and Brad admitted he can’t find the right words to say when he’s with Emily. She’ll be on this show a long time. As will Ashley S. (Nanny from NYC) who showed a lot of maturity when she attempted to diffuse the cat fight between Melissa and Raichel (Manscaper from California). Niether of them could let it go and the Needy Juice flowed. Yes, yes… they cried. Melissa confided in Madison (Model from Brooklyn). One thing I’ve learned, never trust a vampire (Model from Brooklyn). I’ve also learned more about what an energy suck is.
Quote of the episode
Melissa: “She’s just like, such an energy suck. I’m sorry, I had onions in my pizza… and I had four slices.”
Brad: “Sounds good.”
In the end, roses went to (Ashley H., Michelle, Jackie, Emily) Shantal O., Sarah P., Alli, Kimberly, Shawntel N., Stacey, Ashley S., Madison, Lisa, Marissa, Meghan, Lindsay and Britt.
Melissa, Raichel and Keltie were sent home without a rose.
Season 15 kicked off with a remorseful Brad Womack who lead us down Lonesome Road, which is a left off Sad Boulevard and a right on Solitaire Street (if you hit Rejection Lane you’ve gone too far). Brad’s life was at a dead end. In 2007, he finished season 11 of the Bachelor and had no marriage proposal to show for it. That’s because, with the two girls left on that season, he gave neither a rose. They took the off ramp down to Dejection Depot while Brad signed up for three years of therapy. Here is where we see a montage of Brad sitting in the rain. Then walking in the sun.
Therapy. Analyzation. Trust issues. Blame father. Standing by lake with no shirt.
Green v-neck shirt.
Not to be outdone, purple v-neck shirt.
Fast forward to 2011 and Brad’s back in business, claiming to be a changed man. Global warming? War? Rising gas prices? No, no. Tell me who killed Michael Jackson then tell me Brad’s a changed man. We’ll courier that news to Bin Laden and bing bang, problem solved. In my best George W. Bush voice: America, you’re a beacon of freedom and change and giving people second chances at… freedom and change… and being on The Bachelor. End quote.
Par for the course next when Chris Harrison brings Brad to the front of the mansion where each girl steps out of a limousine to introduce themselves. This season there are 30 potential Womackettes (instead of the standard 25) so that’ll make for more drama and a few extra episodes of awesomeness.
Each girl has their own ideas of making good first impressions, some standouts include the girl who got him to propose, the vampire teeth girl, the hand mysteriously appearing out of the limousine window girl, and the slap heard round the world. Between promo packages and commericals, it was tough to squeeze in any real documention of relationships being formed (hey, they only had two hours to do this) so without much storyline, Brad narrowed it down to 20 girls (listed below). I’ll be honest, I had a couple guy friends over to my house to watch the premiere. We’re totally secure men so we never had a problem watching the show together, though they weren’t happy about my idea to light a fire, but I thought it would be warm.
Amongst the topics we talked about during the episode: why all the girls are white, the average bachelorette age this season is 27 years old (Brad is 38), Emily and who of us three should get to marry her when Brad lets her go, are fangs hot, Ashley S. grabbing Brad’s butt, Alli talking to Brad about her butt when he was probably thinking about something else of hers (more specifically her two something else’s that she made very obvious), Raichel’s wrist waxing, and how we can set up a bracket challenge for this season. I’ll work on setting up a bracket tomorrow, but that’s ok, at my job I have Microsoft Word and they encourage us to be creative. So I’ll design a sweet bracket, save it as a pdf and email to the guys. Copies available upon request.
Ashley S. gets the first impression rose. The next 19 went to Michelle, Kimberly, Madison Vampire, Emily, Raichel Wax, Keltie, Ashley H., Meghan, Lisa M., Lindsay, Alli, Sarah P. (your name rhymes with therapy), Marissa, Britt, Stacey, Shawntel, Jackie, Melissa, Chantal O.
No rose: Britnee, Cristy, J, Jill, Lacey, Lauren, Lisa P., Rebecca, Renee, and Sarah L.
My predictions for the final 3 are: Emily, Chantal O., Michelle. My two favorites after the first episode are Emily and Shawntel.