Hannah B and her thir(s)ty men – episode 1

The show starts with Chris Harrison talking to Hannah on the phone, asking her if she wants to be the Bachelorette. I have so many questions.

Why was a camera crew recording her? Would ABC pay a crew to record a FaceTime chat between the two if she WASN’T going to be the Bachelorette?

Here’s how I think it ACTUALLY went down. Chris and Hannah were together, like maybe during last season’s After the Final Rose or whatever, and Chris says “go in a different room and take a camera guy with you. We’ll be done in 5 minutes.”

Enough of all this trickery! 

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Ok, Hannah is a former Miss Alabama. Chris “asks” if she “wants” to be the next Bachelorette. She cautiously says yes and acts like she was just crowned Miss Bachelorette 2019. Roll Tide. 

Here are some notes from the show and the 30 men who showed up to meet Hannah.

First out of each limousine: Garrett, Devin, Peter the Pilot. I think I must’ve missed a few, but 53 other guys showed up on tractors or in boxes or over fences.

Guys with a gimmick: Connor S. jumps fence. Cam raps. Scott has floor plans for a dream home. 

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Goofy gifts: Joe in a huge carboard box. Joey with wine in a baby carrier. Ryan wears skates. Hunter with a tie so they can “tie the knot.” Grant has a hot dog and tons of condiments. Jonathan pizza. Kevin footballs. Matt Donald tractor. Chasen the Pilot made a paper airplane. Peter the Pilot brought a wings pin. 

How many times someone said…

Find my person: 1 (Hannah)

Dude mentions Colton: 1 (Dylan)

Here for the right reasons: 3 (all by Hannah)

How many times I threw up someone said “Roll Tide”: 9

First impression rose: Luke Timberlake (is he not Justin Timberlake??)

Kisses Hannah: Cam the Rapper, Connor S, Luke Timberlake

Steals Hannah from someone else: Chris Harrison, who drops the bomb that Scott may have a girlfriend back home. 

Going home without a rose: Scott…obviously. Matt Donald. Ryan. Other guy. Joe the Box King. Chasen the Pilot. A few other guys.

Gets a rose: Mike. Connor S. Matthew. Connor J. Tennessee Jed. Dustin. Joey. Devin. Peter the Pilot. Dylan. Matteo. Jonathan. Tyler C. Tyler G. Darren. Luke S. Garrett. Grant. Kevin. John Paul Jones Ledger (this might be Heath Ledger, not sure yet). (Cam and Luke already had roses from previous moments).

Featured in the final credits: Chris Harrison sweeping up shipping peanuts after Joe busted out of the huge cardboard box…. which leads me to these final thoughts. 

Final thoughts #1: Joe with the box full of peanuts is a great example of what has me fit to be tied. Connor is too. He throws her a Bachelorette party. Can I be the one who asks this…. does the crew hate any dude who “comes up with an idea” because you know those guys aren’t the ones actually setting up these elaborate things. It’s the crew! Some poor PA has to get a p-card, find a car (probably their own), fight traffic, buy the props, put the receipt in their secret garden lest they lose it and have to pay for all that stuff themselves, get back to the set, set up the date or stunt, then watch some moron swoop in and take all the credit. Always a bridesmaid, I guess. Oh yeah, and who’s gonna clean up these messes (looking at you Joe with the shipping peanuts!), it’s the PAs!!!!!!

Coming from a TV background, this really gets my knickers in a twist!

Final thoughts #2: Then there’s Jed. Did you have to be from Tennessee? Did you have to be named Jed? People already think we’re backwoods dum dums. Now with that said, I’ll admit the song he sang was granny-slapping’ good. Dern tootin’.

-Out of the Wilderness

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Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 1.

Meet the Bachelors!

Cue music, cue last season’s highlights, cue Ali Fedotowsky! Coming off a tough breakup with Jake Pavelka where Ali was “forced” to choose between her job and her man, she chose her job and lost her chance at love, until now— the sixth edition of The Bachelorette! Before 25-year-old Ali met the twenty-five guys, she rattled off a list of promises for this season:

1. not going to let fear hold her back.
2. find “that guy”.
3. not going to let go of love this time.
4. going to be strong.
5. grow and become a better person.
6. leave with no regrets.
7. determined to get that great man and move forward with an open mind and heart.
8. hoping she’s standing in some amazing place with tears in her eyes looking at a man down on one knee asking her to be his wife.

Also, if you didn’t hear the first 10 times it was mentioned, she quit her job and “left everything” to come do this show which, according to Chris, will be a party like we’ve never seen before! We’ll be the judge of that, won’t we? Time to meet the guys. The first limousine arrives with five men inside: Chris H., Jesse, Chris L., Ty and Frank. All five later get a rose. The second limousine arrives with Justin, Jay, Chris N., Kasey, and Kyle. Three of these men get a rose. Roberto, Craig M., John N., Tyler V. and John C. all arrive in limousine three. All but one later get a rose. The next limousine has four guys that will receive a rose: Jonathan, Craig R., Steve and Kirk. The fifth guy, Tyler M., made a fatal error in wearing boots just like Ali did when she first arrived to meet Jake. Only Ali didn’t wear boots. Goodbye Tyler. Limousine five might as well been decked out in camouflage because Hunter the outdoorsman is the only one who gets a rose. The other four include Derek, Phil, Shooter and Jason.

All the guys have arrived and Ali steps inside to begin the mingling. At one point Ali is asked what she’s looking for in a mate. She gives the formulaic answer of a guy who’s smart, funny, and wants to treat her right. Wow, that narrows it down.

For a closer look on each bachelor, click here.

After watching the two-hour season premiere, I’ve chosen who will make it to the top three. Ali Fedotowsky will pick either Roberto, Justin, or Kirk. But will she keep her list of promises? Will the man she chooses propose to her in some amazing place? We shall see! Thanks for reading, check out my recap for episode 2 here.