Out of the Wilderness

Why do elephants have such long noses?

Have you every wondered why elephants have such a long nose?

It moves and wiggles like a garden hose.

They could use it to swing a baseball bat.

Or to hold their rolled up yoga mat.

What if they want to give you a high five?

They could reach out their nose to give it a try!

Does it take longer to sneeze, like a water slide at the park?

Down and around and loops in the dark!

What would you do if… (for the rest of this poem, click here benjaminwilder.com)

Why I’d suck at war

In the cold days of fall and winter, I typically keep my A/C low. Think 65° as a high indoors. It gets quite chilly. I have ways to combat the frigid temperatures; a space heater, blankets, dogs. They all work together to make it more bearable. Here’s one of my dogs with our space heater.
Piper and I love being warm by that little heater.

But then the time comes to take a shower. In the 30 seconds the water is warming up (before I set foot in it), I wonder what a soldier would do right now? I think of myself as weak because I’m waiting for the freezing cold water to warm up to hot tub temp. I ask myself,

If I were in the military and didn’t have a choice, like I’m in a war zone or something, where there wasn’t any hot water, could I wake up and take a cold shower?

I usually don’t come up with an answer before the water is steamy and I hop in for a relaxing shower. I’m so weak.

-Out of the Wilderness

Breaking wind

I might be the only one who does this, and it’s why I sometimes think I have an odd personality. Don’t get me wrong, I love my personality, but is anyone else concerned about walking through someone else’s breeze?

Let’s say you’re at the gym. You walk towards the water fountain and someone passes you going the other direction. Do you hold your breath? What are you thinking in that moment you feel their wind breeze past you? Most of the time it grosses me out. But not just at the gym. It can be walking down a sidewalk. Crossing paths with someone at church. Moving through crowds at Disney World.

There’s a moment when you know you’re about to feel a gust of wind and you have to decide, do I stop breathing for a second, breathe through my nose, or breathe through my mouth? So many decisions need to be made in a short amount of time. It can be overwhelming. As can the scent. Sometimes it smells like an unwashed towel. Other times, if you’re lucky, it’s perfume or cologne. Then you’re like…
Please tell me it’s not just me!

-Out of the Wilderness

Is Luke Bryan’s “Strip It Down” a subtle nod to swingers and chop shops?

It’s Luke Bryan, so pretty much no matter what the video looks like, fans are going to be gushing over it. And it’s true for his latest video featuring the song, “Strip It Down.” Although from some fan comments online, they seem to be gushing over the Chevy truck just as much as the singer.

The 2015 Chevy Silverado Crew Cab retails around $60,000. The model in the video might be a 2014, but based on the headlights, let’s go with 2015.
The Bentley? It’s a model called The Mulsanne Speed (guessing it’s a 2015 based on the rims), and it’ll set you back approximately $300,000.
The gap in retail value between the two begs the question, “Why would a guy risk lending out his Bentley for a Chevy?” Well, this is where it gets juicy. What appears like a simple switch-a-too for cute dates with their wives, is actually a carefully planned out swinger swap! The first piece of evidence is right there in the video when the guys have this short exchange.

City guy: “Go easy on her, alright?”

Country guy: “Don’t scratch her!” with a smirk.

Hello!!!!!! Obviously a subtle nod to swingers everywhere. But we still don’t know why city guy would agree to let his Bentley go for a night. Duh! Country wife is hotter. But city guy is about to pay dearly. What he didn’t know is country guy has a cousin who runs an illegal chop shop over by the Piggly Wiggly. Country guy and country wife planned this out for months while they were out riding their John Deere’s for hours and hours. Think about it, why do you think the song is called “strip it down”? They’re selling the Bentley for parts. How else will they pay for their FanDuel addiction?

It’s so obvious!

-Out of the Wilderness

Adam Levine’s haircut in “Locked Away”

The video for the hit song “Locked Away,” features haircuts, hugs, and happy endings. First up, Adam Levine has a shaved head, a look I haven’t seen before.
Then there’s half of the duo R. City (short for Rock City), Timothy Thomas with designs in his haircut.
Moving right along to the hugs. Lots of those to go around…
And the hugs are part of the happy endings, although not all are smiling about it.
Take a look for yourself in the video of the chart-topping hit: