World Series umpire reviews new Kanye West album during game 6

Houston, TX — A controversial play in the top of the 7th inning of World Series game 6 halted play between the Houston Astros and Washington Nationals for a quite a bit of time. With the score 3-2 in favor of the Nationals, Trea Turner (Nationals) hit a dinker towards third base. Fielded by the pitcher and rocketed to first baseman Yuli Gurriel, the ball arrived at the same time Turner did, causing some contact between Gurriel and Turner. As the ball went rolling into the outfield, Turner is called safe at first, and scurried to second base.

Protests from the Washington dugout was immediate. Umpires then gathered to review the play, as there was a lot at stake on this call. Confused yet passionate fans became restless awaiting the final decision from umpire Sam Holbrook.

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“The babysitter’s off at 11 tonight so if this guy doesn’t hurry it up, it’s gonna cost me,” said Marcus Franks, a Nationals supporter excited to watch his team possibly win game 6 in Houston.

“I’ve spent less time at the DMV,” said one Houston fan.

47 minutes later, Holbrook upheld the call of runner interference and the game went on. However, in a stunning turn of events, news leaked after the game concerning the lengthy review taken by the umpires. This controversial play was a judgement call, something umpires knew all along. So why the official review? A source within the league, who wishes to remain anonymous, revealed what exactly was going on during the extended delay.

“Kanye West. That’s it. He was listening to Kanye West’s new gospel album.”

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MLB umpire Sam Holbrook, with a look of conviction and repentance 

Though this was a peculiar time to break away from the rising stakes of the 2019 World Series, umpire Sam Holbrook has not yet been fined. According to Major League Baseball rules, when there is a pause in the game to make an official review, there are no instructions on what exactly needs to be reviewed.

A statement from MLB this morning says in part, “…while we don’t condone Mr. Holbrook’s actions or timing, we do think Kanye’s new album is fire.”

-Out of the Wilderness News

Little League dads tussle over pop fly hit to shallow outfield

Hoover, AL — This past weekend Little League athletes took the field for a cross county rivalry showcasing the talents of Allen’s Furniture Ferrets vs. Sew What Badgers. The Ferrets came into the game with 3 wins on the season, and only 1 loss. The Badgers haven’t faired as well, boasting only a single win, and 2 losses.

“It’s great to see a community come together supporting sportsmanship, encouragement, and sports… under gorgeous weather, too,” Hoover councilman Rich Stocker gleamed.

The first pitch was thrown around 9:03am, with the sun hanging just above the tree line about 50 yards behind the outfield fence, a cool breeze brushing past the excited dugouts on either side of the field.

Both teams are coached well, and it was clear all the players were in good spirits. That is, until the 3rd inning when 2nd baseman for the Badgers approached the plate for his second at bat opportunity. After a strike and a ball, Johnson Miller made contact, sending the ball into the air with the force of an unknown former actor on “Dancing With the Stars.” That is to say, it was a blooper with the possibility of landing just behind the Ferrets shortstop.

The ball was called out after the centerfielder hustled in to make the catch. Across the diamond, some shouting.

A Badger dad: “Nice try on the fly ball, Miller,” loud enough for all to hear.

Another Badger dad: “Well, actually it was more of a pop fly, but you’ll get ’em next time,” also loud enough for the entire gathering to notice.

“You think so, Bill???”

“I do, Doug. Did you see where the ball went?”

“I did. It was a FLY BALL. Clearly.”

“Fly ball. Ha! If you ever played the sport, you’d know that was an easy pop fly.”

“If I ever played the sport? So now you’re the expert in all things Little League?”

“I have 3 trophies in the attic from 1982. How many do you have?”

“Why not 4? Did you hit a pop fly to lose a championship??”

This went on for 2 more innings until players from both teams made their way to the bleachers to separate the feuding men. Bill was sent to his car while Doug was moved to the stands of a different game to think about what he’d done. In 5 minutes, the players would come back to check on them.

Meanwhile, discussion in both dugouts arose on what a pop fly is and what a fly ball is. The Badgers Googled it, messaged it over to their friends on the Ferret side of the field, and the game carried on without incident. After the game, both teams met at Dave & Buster’s for pizza and bowling.

At the time of this report, Bill and Doug have not resolved their differences… and were not seen at Dave & Buster’s.

-Out of the Wilderness News

Start spreading the news

Well, in as much humbleness as I can muster, I need to tell you something fun that happened last week! My neighbors and I have been working to improve our neighborhood through traffic-calming measures… and Metro Public Works agreed we had a need. Here’s a previous post about this. Speed humps in my neighborhood

Last week the construction was finished on 6 speed humps and 2 roundabouts. That’s the good news. And then on top of that, I turned into an overnight sensation when News 2 came out to interview a few of us. Here’s the clip…

I don’t want to say I’m headed to west coast to unveil my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but I have a flight at 3pm today. Fame is calling. Oh wait, no it’s not, that’s a spam call on my cell phone. :/

The real stars were my dogs, don’t you think? They were so well-behaved!

Thanks for stopping by!

-Out of the Wilderness

Should you get a dash cam?

In a word. YES! They aren’t expensive and while they’re still not very common in the U.S., they could save the day. Just today I had a friend post a dash cam video where he was turning left at a green light and another driver ran a red light through the intersection, nearly clipping my friend’s car. If this was an accident, it would still be his word vs. the other driver, unless witnesses stuck around to make a statement to police.

Get a dash cam!

I’ve had 2 dashboard cameras over the course of a few years and wish I’d got on board a lot sooner than I did. This is not a paid endorsement (I wish it was!), but here’s a link to the one I have now, purchased through Amazon a year or so ago (and yes I get a small commission from any purchase made through that link, at no extra cost to you).  They’re even cheaper and higher quality now than they were then. I can’t even list all the things I’ve recorded on my camera, but I’ll tell you this… it’s a lot!


That’s just one thing my dash cam has recorded, but one of the most notable is the time I had a gun pulled on me by a road rage driver. None of that is seen on the dash cam, but because at one point he was driving in front of me, I was able to get his license plate number and make a police report.

Seriously, get a dash cam!

You won’t regret it, and in the case where it’s your word vs. someone else’s, videos don’t lie. Having video evidence of whatever happened is indisputable. Aside from the legal reasons to get one, you’ll most likely capture a lot of wildlife, weather like lightning, and who knows what else. They’re easy to operate and a sinch to download to your computer.

If you have any questions or comments, chime in below!

-Out of the Wilderness

Married Man Loses Touch with Single Guy Friends

Louisville, KY — A Kentucky man recently admitted since his wedding last year, he hasn’t talked with any of his single guy friends. The now husband and father of a toddler said, “I’m not sure exactly what happened. Some of us had plans to play basketball in a league that summer.”

We were able to track down a few of his groomsmen. One had no comment while another was willing to talk under conditions of anonymity.

“Yeah, we did have plans to play ball that summer. He and I had been playing together for years… until she showed up.” He went on to say his friend dating and eventually marrying changed everything. Then once the couple started having babies, he gave up on ever hearing from his buddy again.

The third groomsman we contacted was relieved to hear his married friend admitted to losing touch with him and the rest of the guys. As it turns out, he started dating someone around the time of his pal’s wedding, and just remembered he hasn’t texted any of his guy friends “in a few weeks… or months.”

“I thought it was my fault he and I lost touch,” he says, “I’m glad to know [married guy] feels responsible. Let’s keep that story going.”

Upon checking with the Kentucky man’s wife on how relationships with her single lady friends are going, she had this to say: “Well, it’s been disappointing. We can only meet at Panera three times a week.”

-Out of the Wilderness News