Personalities: The Database

Extremely helpful a few years ago during tapings of “Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire?,” The Database would top the phone-a-friend list. Anything from car maintenance, to Presidential history, to the latest celebrity divorce, this person is a Captain of IMDb on steriods. If they had a slogan, it would be this: “The Database: They Know Much About Much.” Having the ability to retain large quantities of information in a way that’s easily accessible is a rare asset. Much like athletes with some talent can be coached and trained to be better athletes, people can learn skills to make them better at memorization, therefore becoming a better “Database.” But just like the best athletes are born that way, Databases were born with a nack for knowledge. Take this girl I know… she’s in her early thirties and seems to know about everything that crosses her path. Either because it’s crossed her path before or she’s learned from other peoples paths that were crossed. She is very good at her job because of this. People of all ages come to her because they’re confident she’ll know the answer to whatever inquiry they have. To earn this reputation can be invaluable in a career, that’s for sure. Socially, The Database’s ability to retain information could come in handy (ie. phone-a-friend), but plays a relatively low factor in the ability to make friends and/or keep them. It’s possible for The Database to take on qualities of other personality types (listed below), however, sharing traits of The Dark Horse or The Satellite could spell disaster and/or doom.

Where you’ll see this person in American society? On Jeopardy. Not on Wheel of Fortune (where you’ll find the Indiana Jones’ and The Party’s).

Here is a list of personalities. The next time you’re hanging out with your friends, sit back and observe. I bet there are a few of these in your group!

“The Weird Guy”

“Indiana Jones of the South(west Airlines)”

“The Party”

“The Thinker”

“The Satellite”

“The Dark Horse”

“The Database”

“Captains of IMDb”

“Justin Texterlake”


Personalities: Captains of IMDb

The person that quotes well-known movie lines and some abstract quotes only other “Captains” would know.

The description pretty much says it all. But first an explanation, IMDb stands for the Internet Movie Database. Any movie you can think of is listed there along with credits, gaffs, memorable quotes, and more. It really is a database of movie information. On the Internet. So this Captain, you know you know who I’m talking about. They have an unoriginal thought for every conversation. He (because this person is most likely a guy, we’ll get to that in a second) will extract a line from a movie and toss it into a conversation for the sake of humor or self-inclusion, both of which return unsuccessful, most of the time. Except for a courtesy laugh or if there’s another Captain involved who can validate the quote. This characteristic is a little different from the rest because at it’s foundation is not how they interact with other people, or why, but what they use to facilitate interaction. You see, other characteristics in “An Unschooled Look Into Personalities” are mostly based on a person’s inner self, they’re motivation for behaving a certain way, not their actual behavior. Therefore, Captains can also take on characteristics of any of the others listed. Let’s be honest though, a person who quotes lines from “Dumb & Dumber” isn’t exactly going to be the Indiana Jones of the South, if you know what I mean. Earlier I mentioned this person is usually a guy. Why? Well, it’s simple. Girls don’t think it’s cool to quote movie lines. Secondly, girls tend to think before they speak and guys rather pull lines from what someone else has already said, (requiring less thought). But mostly, girls don’t think it’s cool to quote movie lines.

Personalities: Indiana Jones of the South(west Airlines)

The friend that’s in town one weekend and out the next. This guy/girl is a bit mysterious, and is attractive to the opposite sex because of their adventurous nature and limited availability.

I live in a city with a higher percentage of IJSs (Indiana Jones of the Souths) than most cities in America. Other cities with higher than average numbers are Los Angeles, New York City, and possibly Chicago and Austin. These high rates are due in most part to the cities being a hub for the entertainment industry. I’d make an educated guess that cities with professional sports teams also have higher rates of IJSs if research includes professional athletes during their active seasons. If you know someone who is involved in music, television, or sports, you know what I mean when I say these characters can be both frustrating and attractive at the same time. The reason I don’t include the sales industry in this description is because often times those people travel because the have to, IJSs travel because they want to. That’s a gigantic difference, and Southwest Airlines thanks them. The meaning of the “Indiana Jones” label is simply because of the adventurous side of these people. Anyone who is willing to, and enjoys, being on the road more than being at home craves adventure at some level. The wild side of the IJSs is part of what makes them attractive. It was the adventurous, mystery of Indiana Jones in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” that solidified Harrison Ford as a star around the world and made that franchise one of the most successful.

Another key characteristic of an IJS is “limited availability.” Like the Nintendo Wii in 2006. When demand outpaced supply, it created a stronger desire to have one. People want what they can’t have. Like the single girl that lands a boyfriend and all of the sudden, other guys want her, too.

These people thrive on adventure. Words that are not in an IJSs vocabulary: suit, tie, desk job, routine, lazy, boring.

Personalities: Justin Texterlake

The cool guy that texts all the time. He’ll text you when he’s with other people, and text other people when he’s with you.

“Justin Texterlake” is a flirt. Let’s just get that right out there in the open. If there’s a way to communicate with a girl, whether it be texting, Facebook chatting, or face to face, he’s got little fear of putting himself out there. For the most part, JT is friendly with everyone and, therefore, has a lot of friends, both guys and girls. He’s a likable character and definitely has qualities shared by “The Party” and possibly “The Indiana Jones of the South.” What sets him apart, though, is the constant flirtation and the oblivious disregard for conversational etiquette. This is glaringly obvious when you’re with Mr. Texterlake. In trying to have a conversation with him, you’ll notice him checking his phone. He’ll ask you a question and during your answer, he’s typing into his device. You want to believe he’s taking notes on your informational answer, but deep down you know he’s trying to score a date for the weekend. Then you ask him a question, and he answers with a question, “What?” You begin to wish of a simpler time, like ten years ago when the only device “Justin Texterlake” had was a Startac phone which he, of course, upgraded to include a long-life battery. Or fifteen years ago when all he had was a beeper and a 143 charm on his necklace.

This label is based on a popular entertainer for good reason because “Justin Texterlake” is popular, even with his faults, ie. lack of attention, ADD, short attention span, whatever you want to call it. The strengths of a Texterlake is his ability to network. Whether it’s for a weekend grill-out, or a Habitat For Humanity house build, he can be the go to guy for rallying a large group.

Now these characteristics I’ve attributed to a guy, but I’m curious if there’s a girl version of “Justin Texterlake.” In my circle of friends as they are now, I don’t know that there is one. What are her characteristics? Does she text a lot? How does she flirt? What sets her apart from other girls? All these questions will remain unanswered on this posting, because, quite frankly, I don’t know the answers.

I’d like to write more, but I just got a text from a Texterlake, so I need to go.

Personalities: The Satellite

Whether you know it or not, and whether you like it or not, they’re always hovering around.

Often mistaken for “The Weird Guy,” T-Sat’s well-known for social awkwardness, especially around the opposite sex. The major difference in these two, however, creates a gigantic chasm. Satellites rarely communicate for fear of rejection. This is quite the opposite of “weird” people, who are known more by their excessive communication (sometimes in spite of rejections). Even with the low dose of communication, Satellites deliver a high dose of presence. A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend of mine (who may or may not live in Tennessee). This person was telling me of a dinner planned with a few friends. The event was announced through a private invite on Facebook (so of course, even if I was invited, I didn’t know it). My friend put much emphasis on the secrecy of the invite, how it was meant for a select group so the party remained small and comfortable for those attending. Made sense to me so far. At the conclusion of the event, my friend noticed someone sitting close by, but not a part of the original group invite. It was a Satellite. My friend was shocked and bewildered on how this person knew where to be and when. Perhaps Facebook’s privacy settings dropped the ball and the event leaked out? Did someone accidently mention the party when they weren’t supposed to? Questions like these often arise when Satellites are visible. It’s as if they’re receiving data from an an unknown signal source, data that keeps them up-to-date in real time about social events around town. For their ability to stay informed, I have to applaud these social orbiters. They are resourceful, mysteriously mobile, and operate with little to no noise. While they’re presence isn’t always desired, they must be admired for their commitment to the game. Satellites are consistent, a strength and quality with plenty of room for improvement for friends we call “The Indiana Jones of the South(west Airlines).”


An Unschooled Look Into Personalities

I stumbled across an email I sent to a friend of mine in 2005 (Yahoo! saves sent messages). When I saw his name again, I was reminded of a social phenomenon. In each group of friends I’ve been in, there’s always “the weird guy.” In 2005 I was living in Tallahassee, FL after graduating college. The friends I spent the majority of time with were the inner circle. Then the outer circle. Then the sattelites. The “weird guy” could infiltrate any of these levels. I began to think about who else was in these groups. I came up with some labels.

“The Weird Guy”: Girls are uncomfortable around him because he’s either asked three or more of them out on a date, or one of them more than three times. That or he uses his eyes when he should be using his words, ie. he’s staring.

“Indiana Jones of the South(west Airlines)”: The friend that’s in town one weekend and out the next. This guy/girl is a bit mysterious, and is attractive to the opposite sex because of their adventurous nature and limited availability.

“The Party”: In a make or break scenario, this person always makes. When they arrive, the party starts.

“The Thinker”: Who you go to when you need someone wiser than yourself.

“The Satellite”: Whether you know it or not, and whether you like it or not, they’re always hovering around.

“The Dark Horse”: Quietly munching on carrots in the back of the super bowl party, he/she is mysterious, but funny when it counts, and lends a hand when needed.

“The Database”: Full of knowledge on many subjects.

“Captains of IMDb”: The person that quotes well-known movie lines and some abstract quotes only other “Captains” would know.

“Justin Texterlake”: The cool guy that texts all the time. He’ll text you when he’s with other people, and text other people when he’s with you.