Welcome to another fantastic recap of The Bachelorette featuring Ashley and her wrist tattoo (click here for pictures)! Please file Episode 3 in drawer labeled “How To Make A Compost Pile” because it started breaking down as soon as Chris uttered the words, “Tonight on the Bachelorette.”
What does a good compost pile need? Green debris, duh! Let’s brush off the green grass from Ben C.’s shoes after his date with Ashley. He got the first date of the episode and it began with dance lessons from Ashley herself. Ben C. thought lessons were the long and short of it until, as they were enjoying a picnic in a large grassy field, Ashley asked him to dance a rehearsed routine with her. Soon after, a flash mob joined them and they all danced happily ever after. Actually ever after was cut short by a short performance from the Far East Movement but Ashley and BC did kiss happily. So we have our green debris, next we need some brown debris. It won’t be from Jeff. He finally took his mask off to which Ashley said, “He’s a lot older than I thought he was.” We need brown, not gray. Let’s check the group date which included Ames, Ben F., Blake, Chris D, Jeff, Lucas, Nick Ryan, William and Bentley. They went to The Comedy Store, a well-known comedy club in Los Angeles. Jeffrey Ross is a master roaster, so he hosted an evening where the guys attempted to roast Ashley. Most of the content was fine, that is until William turned the heat up too high, leaving Ashley burned like yesterday morning’s toast, black and crunchy. That won’t work. Bentley later consoled her as she cried, so he was as refreshing as the brown leaves in the Fall, perfect for our compost. Unfortunately, Bentley continued to pile on the brown debris, but of a different kind. Ashley confronted him about his intentions because she was warned by the ultra-trustworthy Michelle Money from Brad Womack’s season of The Bachelor.
He denied everything Ashley asked about. Don’t you know too much brown is a no-no, Bentley? He decides to leave the show altogether but not before stopping by Ashley’s mansion to say goodbye. Ashley is devastated. He blames his daughter for his departure, more [cuss word that starts with s] piling on all of his other [cuss word that starts with s]. We really gotta balance out all this brown with more green. Enter J.P. He arrives at Ashley’s mansion for a cozy night in, thus conserving gas consumption and protecting the atmosphere. That’s green enough for me. The compost pile is ready. Ashley and J.P. change into pajamas and chat by the fire. This is the cutest Ashley’s looked all season, I just wish the Bachelorette was her sister, Chrystie Hebert-Corns. Boom, roasted. Let this mixed debris sit for a few months and that’s how to make a compost pile.
The interesting thing about compost piles is that they start as a pile of waste, but end up making the world’s best soil. This episode was full of waste, but in the end Ashley will be better because of it. The episode wrapped up with roses going to (Ben C., Ryan P., J.P. got roses earlier) Constantine, West, Mickey, Ben F., Blake, Nick, Ames, Lucas and William. Sent home was Bentley (earlier), Chris D., Jeff (who threw his mask into the fire on his way out).
Quote of the episode:
“Dude, there’s a trailer for sale. It’s a thousand bucks, it’s missing the hitch, though.” -Jeff, The Bachelorette
: If you already have a rose, you shall not steal the girl away from a fellow bro who does not already have a rose. He chats with her and they kiss.
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Out of the Wilderness 