The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 4: You Better Accept the Damn Rose.

Bachelor Brad Womack episode 4. 01/24/2011.

I defy you to tell me Michelle isn’t more likable after this episode. Just a leeeeeeetle more likable. It’s ok to admit it. I admitted it to myself and a couple of guys who, by request will remain nameless, watched the show with me. Strange? Perhaps. Embarrassing? Maybe. But we don’t care. Every Monday we three men get together and watch The Bachelor. It’s fine. We’re fine. We’re straight. We’re confident. We’re fine. We weed out the girls Brad should and shouldn’t give a rose to, who we like the most, and sort of all know we’re secretly hoping Emily leaves without a rose so one of us have a chance with her. Nameless guy #1 thinks they’re setting her up to be next season’s Bachelorette. I have my doubts. So let’s move on to episode four…

The first one-on-one date was with Chantal O. They did a poor man’s version of scuba diving. They wore these helmet things that were connected to an oxygen source up in the boat they came from. Why she and Brad tried to have a glass-to-glass kiss is beyond me, but hey, who am I to assume it’s not possible? If Spiderman is allowed to kiss upside down, then Braddy Mack is allowed to try a glass kiss. Anyway, after the underwater walk, they move to phase two- a romantic date on the beach. They obviously open up here about their past and the conversation gets deep and dull (for us the viewers). Chantal finally apologized for slapping him when they first met, but come on, she’s not really sorry. Hitting is the most flirty way to say “I like you.” Brad said that this day felt like a normal day, one he’d have in real life and with no glass to separate them, they kiss. He offered her the first rose of the evening and she accepted it.

Next was the group date. They rattled off the names way too fast for me to write them all down, so let’s just say he took a bunch of girls that’ll be eliminated later this season. I suppose I could run the DVR back and check each name. Sigh. It’s decision time. Is it worth it to turn the tv back on, rewind it, oh and I have to get up to get the tv controller, my dog’ll get up assuming I want to play, she’ll bite my hand, I’ll have to scold her, then give her a treat for sitting and shaking, wash my hands, wonder where the controller went, oh man my dog took it, why is she hiding under the table, give me the controller Piper!, she thinks it’s a game, darn she chewed a button off, I demand her to “come here” (she’s been learning this), she doesn’t, I wait for her because I can’t let her win, she eventually answers the call with the controller in her mouth, I have to wipe it off, I accidently hit a random button that fires up “input #4” and I can’t figure out what is on the tv screen now, check the clock, what!! it’s already 10:45, I can’t watch the episode now, “Piper get in bed,” so I brush my teeth and climb in bed without even posting this post, soooo no, I’m not gonna look up their names.

On the group date, they all went to the radio studio where the live show “Loveline” airs. Dr. Drew and Mike ask Mack Braddy questions and then ask the girls questions. If you recall, Britt actually shined the most here, showing a vulnerable cute side that Brad fell for. Unfortunately, an early favorite got bit by the jealous monster. He’s been biting some of these girls lately, that rascal. Who was the victim? Ashley H. I don’t normally use course language, but let’s be honest, she was acting like an Ash-hole. During the radio show, Stacey opted to take the “I hope my honesty makes me look good even though what I’m being honest about makes me look worse than the Ash-hole over there” route, and it’ll come back to haunt her later when the no-rose monster pays her a visit.

What’s up with this season of girls looking way different without makeup on? I mean, Ashley S., yowzers. Can I get an “Amen!” Call me superficial but I know I’m not the only one who also noticed how much different Chantal O. looks with glasses on. The camera adds ten pounds, but where did the other 20 come from? Those glasses shall be removed from YOUR FACE if thee wishes to win Brad’s heart. Ding ding, I included a “YOUR FACE” joke. Nameless guy #3 who blogs about the bachelor will like that I did this joke.

Later at the group date dinner, Ashley S. steals Braddy away from Alli. Jackie steals Braddy away from Ashley S. The girls begin to grumble about Ashley H. Britt admits to Brad she has a crush on him. They kiss passionately. Then Monster Mashley showed up and Brad wondered what the heck she’s doing being so caddy. Evenso, Brad later joined the girls in the hot tub with a rose to give. He was going to give it to Ashley H. till she made another under-her-breath comment, and he gave the rose to Britt instead.

The second one-on-one date went to Michelle. Why do the girls dislike her so much? What has she done different than any of the other girls? I think it’s because she barks and threatens to bite, but check this out: how many times has she talked behind a girls back? How many times has she said one thing and done another? One or less for either of those questions. She’s pretty darn genuine even if it’s not the way the other girls prefer her to act. That’s what they don’t like about her, she’s not like them. She’s the anti-hero to Emily’s hero. And yet, they both have Brad’s full attention.

Towards the end of the episode, Shawntel got some alone time. Meghan also got some time with him, but they sat far apart on the couch. Nothing says “I want you” like distance. She’s like that guy in that movie that no one remembers, you know who I’m talking about… that one guy, he does the thing. Oh forget it, she won’t make it much longer.

Just before the rose ceremony, Brad took Emily out to the stony entrance of the mansion for a picnic. He, like us, is trying hard to find something wrong with her. Good luck with that. He’s totally comfortable, as shown just after he laid the picnic blanket down. When he stood back up, he did a little hop step. I’m telling you, he’s giddy. Ali Roberto giddy.

Finally, Chantal cried a little but was reassured when Brad reassured her to rest assured that she’s safe. They kissed. Got to admit, they have a good real-life connection. We’ll have to see how that plays out, but for this episode she got a rose, as did Chantal, Britt, Michelle (all three from the dates earlier), Ashley S., Alli, Emily, Shawntel N., Lisa, Jackie, Marissa and Ashley H. Sent home were Meghan, Stacey and Lindsay.

Quotes of the episode:
Braddy to Chantal O. on their date: You better accept the damn rose.

Braddy: I like you Britt.
Britt: Me, too.

The Art of Being Funny

“Women of New York… frost yourselves!”

In the movie, “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days,” Matthew McConaughey’s character Benjamin Barry is pitching a slogan for a new advertising campaign when he yells this memorable message out a New York high rise window. The response is a guy on the street below yelling back, “Frost this!”

There are a simple factors in humor. Below you’ll find pointers in how you, too, can be funny. Let’s start with example 1:

Your friend: Dude, can you pass me the ketchup?
You: Sure, here it is.

Your friend asked for ketchup. Because you’re not funny, you passed it their way with little thought. Now check this out:

Your friend: Dude, can you pass me the ketchup?
You: No, but I’ll pass you YOUR FACE.

There you go, much better. Note that it’s important to raise your voice a tad when you get to the “YOUR FACE” part. Now you’ve learned one way to be funny, ludicrous comments that are over-the-top, borderline offensive and typically unexpected. A few other ingredients for being funny are the same things that make a baby born. Timing and delivery. An excellent example of this is Heathcliff Huxtable on The Cosby Show. Time and time again the most funny scenes aren’t even what he said. It was the way he said it. Other times it was the look he gave as he parented his children. Without even speaking a word, he could have the live studio audience ROTFLing. So if you’re taking notes, I’ve covered two ways you can be a funnier you:
1. add “your face” into a conversation
2. practice timing and delivery

Another thing that can help you be funny is remembering that comedy comes in three’s: setup, setup, punch. Take note the next time you’re watching television. You’ll be surprised how much the setup/setup/punch delivery method is used. In comedy, two is not enough and four is overkill. Three is the sweet spot. A recent example of this from Spongebob Squarepants:

This ties in nicely with the next pointer I have for you: repetition. Take a mildly funny comment or thought, repeat it enough and someone will start laughing. It’s true, try it. If you’re still having trouble making people laugh, here’s pointer five: make clever observations of common events. I’ve seen this on the Late Show with David Letterman. The President is giving a speech and Dave will point out the kid picking his nose in the background.

Something else you can do to be more funny is what most people are embarrassed and/or afraid to do. Belly flops for example. Or this:

So to sum up, anyone can be funny. Even you. The idea, though, is to make sure it’s on purpose, unlike “text and walk” lady above. Practice timing and delivery with clever observations, repetition, and a willingness to laugh at yourself instead of being embarrassed. However, if none of these work and you still aren’t that funny, try this:

Not funny:
Your friend hits a tennis ball towards you.
You jump out of the way.

Funny:
Your friend hits a tennis ball towards you.
Ball hits you in the crotch.

When all else fails, crotch shots.

Other thoughts on funny:
Shiny Mess
Scenic Route Snapshots

The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 3: Brad Gets A Date With Emily and They Roast Marshmallows So Why Doesn’t Brad Just Propose Right Now To Emily and Run Away Together to the Happy Hills of Marriage Because She’s Awesome.

Episode 3 (01/17/2011)

Ashley S. is cute. Shawntel is pretty darn cool. Madison is not a vampire. Who is Kimberly? Michelle’s the one we love to hate. Emily, ohhhh Emily, when Brad gives you the final rose a sigh will be heard across America. From all the men watching this show.

Shawntel N.
Emily

The main characters this week were Shawntel and Emily. But the episode started with a one-on-one date with Ashley S. The date began at Capitol Records where Brad and Ashley recorded their take on Seal’s “Kissed By A Rose”… which was appalling but cute. Later, a private concert by Seal where he sang the same song and another tender ballad, “Secret.” More later, they kiss.

Group date time! This included Lindsay, Chantal O., Alli, Britt, Kimberly, Sarah, Shawntel, Ashley H., Lisa, Stacey, Marissa and Michelle. They go to a Hollywood studio and film scenes for an Action/Adventure movie. Of course here is where Michelle is upset she has to share Brad with the other girls.

Enter main character #1, Shawntel. She impressed Brad with her acting ability and in a moment they had alone, she was able to tell him about her back story. She cried and they seal it with a kiss. Brad gives her a rose before all is said and done.

End of group date, enter main character #2, Emily. She scores a one-on-one date with Brad and eventually opened up about her past. Brad adores her story and tells her so. At the end of their date, Brad offered her a rose and she accepted.

Here is where Michelle is upset she has to share Brad with the other girls.

A couple of surprise shockers, Brad’s therapist in LA shows up to help him. Madison wants to leave the show. Michelle steals Brad away from someone. Here is where Michelle is upset she has to share Brad with the other girls.

In the end, roses went to: Shawntel, Ashley S., Emily, Michelle, Chantal O, Lisa M., Jackie, Ashley H., Marissa, Britt, Alli, Lindsay, Meghan and Stacey.

Sent home: Kimberly, Sarah P. and Madison.

Martin Luther King, Jr. On the Edge

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday. I don’t have work today because of Mr. King. Also, I’m white. Can a white person truly grasp what he did for the civil rights movement in the United States? Probably not fully. But I sure as heck do appreciate it. He left a legacy that’s inspiring, dramatic, honorable, Godly and worthy of recognition. I’m most impressed by his ability to lead on a platform that preached service.

“Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve.”

He was fearless in his speaking. He was inspired in his preaching. He was humble in his leading. What I can learn from him may not be so much about race, but more about how to be a great human being. I can serve. I can do the right thing when I have the opportunity. Most of what he spoke about were those two things, serving and doing the right thing. It’s a shame the way his life ended. I’m sure if he were still alive today, he’d still be forging ahead making this country better. Perhaps in his death, though, the message became that much more powerful.

“If a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”

So on this day, celebrate the equality we have in the United States. I don’t care if you’re black, white, brown, yellow, red or blue (you’re welcome Na’vi people), we live in a the greatest country in the world. Part of that is due to the accomplishments of Martin Luther King, Jr.

“All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.”

“If you are called to be a street sweeper, sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.'”

The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 2: Energy Suck.

Episode 2 (01/10/2011)

This episode was a doozy! I had no idea Monday night would be filled with so! much! drama! Between this show and the college National Championship between Auburn and Oregon, I could hardly contain myself. I should say, “We could hardly contain ourselves,” but my friend who watched both events with me wishes to remain anonymous. He’ll deny it, but he’s hooked on The Bachelor. I may quote him from time to time because of his insight into the show, the male mindset and his expertise in the… oh, who am I kidding, he just loves Emily.

I’m assuming you’re familiar with the rules of the show, so I won’t bore you with the same info Chris shared. The first date card arrived at the bachelorette mansion and it was for Ashley H. (Dentist from Philly). The clue: “The road to love is a wild ride.” Brad picked her up in a convertible Aston Martin and they eventually ended up on a dark dirt road. They parked and walked by lantern to a dark field. Ashley flipped a switch to discover carnival rides, all for her. She and Brad did all the things people do at carnivals: ate cotton candy, rode the ferris wheel, took photos together, more cotton candy, whirly doo, vomit behind the ticket booth. Oh, they also had a deep conversation about their past, and if it weren’t for Ashley saying “perfact” instead of “perfect” more than once, I would kinda like her.

Meanwhile the second date card arrived. The clue: “Let’s share something from the heart.” Awwwww, every bachelors dream. It might have well said, “Let’s just talk.” This date was for 15 of the 19 remaining girls. Michelle (Hair Stylist from Utah) was included on this date and revealed she’s got some crazy running through her veins. Even if she’s got a heart, it’s pumping crazy juuuuiiiiiice! She wanted the group date to center around her and her 30th birthday. Well, guess what Crazy Juice, there’s 14 other girls so just calm down. Thank goodness there’s the cool, calm, and collected Melissa (Waitress from Lake Worth, FL) to teach and guide young Michelle. Oh wait, Melissa is crazy too. Darn. Just because you look like the lesser-liked older twin of Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress from Los Angeles) doesn’t mean Brad is going to like you, Melissa. So! much! drama! On the date, the group recorded a few Public Service Announcements for the Red Cross. Notable moments from this date: Britt “Me Kiss You Long Time” Billmaier (Food Writer from Washington) kissed Brad… for a long time. Kimberly (Marketing Coordinator from North Carolina) said about Michelle, “It’s her birthday, she can cry if she wants to.” Kimberly, you would cry, too, if it happened to you. Yes! Great follow up by me.

After the PSA’s were finished, they all partook in a rooftop dinner. At one point, Michelle got Brad away from the other girls. She is so strange. She admitted she wanted to dissect Brad and peel his layers. I don’t know if it was because she frightened him or because she threatened to inject him with crazy, but Brad gave her a rose.

The final date card went to Jackie (Artist from NYC). The clue: “Let’s get our love on track.” The date started when Brad picked her up in a Bentley. They arrived at a swanky hotel and put robes on. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hotel robes? Here’s where I mention it, actually. This date was all about pampering Jackie. She got to choose a dress from a large selection and was allowed to wear a beautiful expensive-looking necklace. The Bentley then brought the couple to the Hollywood Bowl for a private dinner, serenaded by the band Train. Dancing. Kissing. Brad offered Jackie the rose, she accepted. Let’s be real, though. In that situation, Screech could’ve offered her a rose and she would’ve accepted. Am I right or am I right, ladies? Of course Zac would’ve swooped in and kissed her before Screech did, like in that episode where Zac swooped in and kissed a girl before Screech did. Don’t act like you don’t remember.

If you’re curious about the songs performed by Train, the first was “If It’s Love” and the second was “Marry Me.”

Just before the rose ceremony, Crazy Juice stole Brad away from the rest of the girls to ask him if he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean. She already has a rose, what was she doing??? And why did she say “stalked” when asking about Brad’s refrigerator contents? She meant “stocked” but that’s not was she saaaaiiiiiid. Girl is crazy.

Somehow Brad escaped and spent time with Emily (Hospital Event Planner from North Carolina). Clearly emerging as the fan favorite, Emily and Brad remind me a lot of Ali and Roberto. Ali was giddy from the very beginning, and Brad admitted he can’t find the right words to say when he’s with Emily. She’ll be on this show a long time. As will Ashley S. (Nanny from NYC) who showed a lot of maturity when she attempted to diffuse the cat fight between Melissa and Raichel (Manscaper from California). Niether of them could let it go and the Needy Juice flowed. Yes, yes… they cried. Melissa confided in Madison (Model from Brooklyn). One thing I’ve learned, never trust a vampire (Model from Brooklyn). I’ve also learned more about what an energy suck is.

Quote of the episode
Melissa: “She’s just like, such an energy suck. I’m sorry, I had onions in my pizza… and I had four slices.”
Brad: “Sounds good.”

In the end, roses went to (Ashley H., Michelle, Jackie, Emily) Shantal O., Sarah P., Alli, Kimberly, Shawntel N., Stacey, Ashley S., Madison, Lisa, Marissa, Meghan, Lindsay and Britt.

Melissa, Raichel and Keltie were sent home without a rose.