Call Me Maybe: Wilder Family Version

This is the 3rd year I’ve convinced my family to dance on video for the world to see. I told them only about 10 people will watch it, so that seemed to work. Check us out dancing to the ultra smash hit “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen! Enjoy and feel free to comment below!

The Bachelor Ben Flajnik Episode 4: An Acronym in Park City, Utah

After last week’s episode, there’s no way this one can ever match up. However, there were a few developments worth noting, so I’ll do recap… in the form of acronym.

Delightful sights.
No, not the revealing string bikinis. This episode was in Park City, Utah in the fall of 2011. Beautiful landscapes. And yes, the string bikinis.

Excellent editing.
What you thought you were going to see from the previews was just a fancy trick.
Editors: 1, Viewers: 0.

Smoochy time.
Ben kissed 7 girls in this episode. Mono spreading faster than you can say, “I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.”

As in, “Relating to or being the study of cause and effect in historical or political events with emphasis on the practical lessons to be learned from them.” Lesson to be learned from The Bachelor, don’t date 25 people at one time. It never works.

The animosity between Courtney and Emily was the best part of episode 4. Fast forward to the second hour, you’ll thank me later.

Reality: Girls can be emotional.
Not reality: Courtney getting the group date rose. Are you serious, Ben???? Come on!

Almost halfway.
Hang in there, the season is nearing the midpoint. Grin and bear it.

The Bachelor is like a pimple.
It’s only hanging around because we keep watching it and touching it and talking about it and thinking about it.

Let me get this straight, 4 episodes in California and Utah? At this point last season, the group had already been to Vegas and Phuket, Thailand. Evidently the show budget is part of the 99%; “Occupy The Bachelor.” Roses went to: Rachel, Courtney, Jennifer, Lindzi C., Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B., Elyse, Blakeley, Casey S. and Emily. Sent home were Samantha and Monica.

Single White Male Seeks Single Female with Benefits

This is what the headline would say if my parents believed in arranged marriages and for the most part, I agree with it. I’m single. I’m white. I’m a male. I’m looking for a single female. Whether she has benefits or not, well, this is where the story begins.

I was a bright-eyed college graduate heading into the world not unlike a newborn foal wobbling into a field for the first time; in my mind a majestic and powerful force, in reality a newbie with toothpicks for legs. What this foal needed was some stability, and fast! But it wouldn’t be found in a job. I worked at a summer camp, for a temp agency, in tour marketing, for a non-profit organization, and doing maintenance at a church. None of those jobs screamed “security!” Common questions my parents asked were, “Do you go to the doctor? Have you found a dentist? Do you have insurance? Have you met anyone special?” Common answers, “Of course. Not yet. Of course. Not yet.” Around this time my dad started a joke with single girls he met. He’d ask them if they had a job with benefits. He was looking to get me a wife, a task parents often volunteer for whether their children approve or not. I think secretly he was just looking for a laugh, and in that regard, it worked. But as I got older, I found steady work. I went to the doctor. I started flossing. Unfortunately, though, I never outgrew the joke. That is, until this weekend.

Family and friends from all over the eastern United States gathered in Florida to mourn the loss and celebrate the life of Helen Walters Davis, a 100-year-old sister, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother (you can check out her 100th birthday bash by clicking here). The funeral of this fine lady was especially tough because only a few months earlier we gathered to bury Foster Davis, her husband and my grandfather. I wrote up something about that rascally war veteran here. Given the circumstances, the family was smiling as much as possible, even in the midst of tears and hugs. There was also laughter because when my family gets together, it’s just plain funny. Think “Meet the Parents,” “Father of the Bride,” and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” all rolled into a perfect little Hallmark Channel original. But the romantic comedy that is my life had a dramatic scene just after the funeral ended.

The two limousines were waiting at the church entrance to drive us back to my grandparents house. Only something was different. One of the original drivers had to leave for another funeral so there to take his place was an attractive brunette in her mid-twenties. The family network lit up with excitement. Evidently the perfect way to recover from a funeral is to plan a wedding because save the date’s were practically printing themselves. I quickly became the man of the hour. Even the other limo driver was offering ideas on how to make it happen. I stalled long enough to dodge having to propose to her right there on the church steps so we were now on our way to the house. The likelihood this new opportunity would turn into anything significant was so small, yet, there was a chance. So my brother and I bounced around a few ideas of how I could strike up a conversation when she arrived in the second limo. How could I introduce myself? Was there a clever and appropriate way to hit on a girl… at my grandmother’s funeral? When did I become Will Ferrell in “Wedding Crashers”? Anyway, the plan was coming together. Until my dad showed up. In a flurry of flowers, hugs, finding keys, and making plans, I looked up to see him chatting with the pretty driver. My world came crashing down in bricks of holidays off, health coverage, and decent company 401k-matching. Yep, he asked her if she had benefits. My strategy then became damage control so the first thing I said to her was, “I’m sorry.” She was a good sport about it all but I knew having an adult conversation at this point was pointless.

If there was anything good that came from this experience, it certainly wasn’t a blossoming relationship with that girl. It was the conversation I had with my parents later that afternoon. I confronted my dad about the on-going joke and how his version of encouragement was actually discouraging. I also brought up the Christmas newsletter my mom wrote in which she talked about everything happening with the family, but pointed out what’s not happening with me (finding a wife). I love my parents for being involved. I would never want to experience the alternative but sometimes their concern is a little too tangible. It’s a little too hands-on. I expressed to them that as a single guy in my early thirties, I’m in a great place they’ve never experienced. When my dad was in his early thirties, he already had four kids. That’s not the way my story’s going but I’m happy and they’re on-board with encouraging me where I am, not just where they want me to be. Soon enough there will be a love interest in this epic romantic comedy I’m living in. But for now, I’m single. I’m white. I’m wondering if that limo driver is on Facebook.

Just kidding.

The Bachelor Season Premiere: Ben Flajnik, Limousines and Blakeley’s Tattoos

Ben Flajnik

Welcome to the 2012 version of the Bachelor! This season features last year’s runner-up, Ben Flajnik (rhymes with ‘panic’). The show opens with a recap of Ben’s proposal to Ashley H. from last season. They quickly move to his life since then which evidently includes sailboats, pick-up trucks and carrying a piece of wood. Ben sets the mood by tickling the keys, the first time we’ve ever seen him on the piano. David Gray’s “This Year’s Love” plays as Ben prepares for what he predicts will “be a hell of a story.” The story that begins now.

Chapter 1: The Tease.
Host Chris Harrison calls the 25 girls Ben will choose from America’s most eligible bachelorettes. How they are more eligible than other single girls will be discussed in the documentary: “You Were Most Eligible. I Was Mostly Desperate. The Story of Ben Flajnik. Preface by Demi Moore.” Honestly, I bet all the girls do a few of these things: 10 Signs Your Date Was a Contestant on the Bachelor.

Chapter 2: Cream of the Crop.
Meet nine of the girls Ben may fall in love with. Lindzi C. rides horses and was once broken up with via text message. Btw, I love horses. Just saw War Horse and cried like a grown man watching his daughter take her first steps, then goes to war and gets tangled up in barbed wire. Hope that doesn’t spoil the movie, but you gotta see it. Amber T. is a tomboy who shoots guns and has a bad girl / princess quality to her. Kacie B. is from Clarksville, TN and is already a fan favorite. I predict top 3 for her. She’s got southern charm and a smile you can trust. I sorta hope she loses, returns to Tennessee and looks for Nashville’s most eligible bachelor:

"War Horse"

Courtney, a model from California, said she deserves a 2-carat engagement ring. Jamie is a nurse who raised her siblings. London Lyndsie has been all over the world and now finds herself at rock bottom in the bachelorette mansion. Jenna, a blogger from New York, is looking to analyze less and date more. Shawn from Phoenix is the only girl we know of that has a son. Nicki from Texas has been married and divorced but promises the next marriage is forever.

Chapter 3. The Limousines.
The girls arrive prom style and all 25 introduce themselves to Ben, except for Anna who said not a word, walking right by as to pique Ben’s interest. Other standouts were Amber who explained her Bacon last name. She’s the Canadian. Emily is working on her phD. Samantha arrives wearing a sash. Holly from Kentucky is wearing a hat the size of a clydesdale while Lindzi C. rides up on a clydesdale. Amber T. says goodbye then walks around again to give Ben a chance for love at second sight. Shira says she knows everything about wine, then can’t answer Ben’s only question about wine. Sheryl from the great generation introduces her granddaughter Brittney. Jennifer spouts out numbers to impress Ben. Kacie B. wins Ben over in only three syllables, calling him by his full name, Benjamin. But I may or may not be talking about Bachelor Ben.

Chapter 4. The Party Begins.
Ben joins the group inside the mansion and first chats with Rachel and her nose ring. Rachel was a good conversation, however the nose ring didn’t say a word. Rude. Nicki the divorced girl chats with Ben as well. Then Lindzi C. chats with Ben about horses. She did enough to earn the first impression rose. Nice one Lindzi and Levi the Horse. Later Shawn takes Ben to play soccer and Blakeley shows her tattoos.

Blakeley's tattoo, pic 1
Blakeley's tattoo, pic 2

Dianna blindfolds Ben and feeds him candy from a crumpled paper bag. Emily the nurse flexes her rap skills by dishing out sick lyrics. Or is it phat lyrics?

Chapter 5: Dramatic Interpretations.
Jenna the blogger confronts Monica for not being in love at first sight. Monica gets her goat so much so that they need an amatuer mediator. Rachel officiates the session. Afterwards, Monica spoons with Blakeley which turns me on and off at the very same time. Kacie B. consoles Jenna.

Chapter 6. A Rose By Any Other Name.
Roses went to Lindzi C. earlier, Jamie, Rachel, Blakeley, Emily, Kacie B., Casey S., Brittney, Erika, Shawn, Nicki (good hugger), Jennifer, Elyse, Samantha, Courtney, Jaclyn, Monica and Jenna. Sent home with no rose to call their own were Amber B., Lyndsie J., Amber T., Dianna, Holly, Shira and Anna.

Chapter 7. The Cliffhanger.
Next week there’s more drama, more crying, and a surprise guest! Based on the clip they showed, it looks like Shawntel N. from Brad Womack’s season of the Bachelor. See this picture then go see… War Horse.

Shawntel N.

Top Ten Signs You’re Single This Christmas

10. When you get to your company Christmas party, you hear someone announce, “The fruitcake has arrived!” but you brought cookies.

9. Your most recent Facebook status: “my chesnuts havent roasted on an open fire in months. lol”

8. You haven’t shaved your legs since October because, “Hey, it’s winter, I’ll just wear jeans.”

7. At every white elephant party you attend, you launch into a lengthy diatribe about the plight of the albino elephant. Then you storm out.

Full House

6. Christmas morning consists of waking up, eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes, and watching the Christmas episode of Full House, the one where the Tanners get stuck in an airport terminal. Everyone’s worried Santa won’t find them but then a man shows up who looks like Santa. They all think it’s Uncle Joey but then it turns out it was the real Santa.

5. Christmas lights in your yard have no recognizable pattern, until you see them from the air. It reads “Got A Spouse?”

4. You aren’t currently dating anyone.

3. You volunteer to be Santa at the mall and after kids tell you their wish, you tell them your wish is to meet their mom.

2. Your name is Kobe Bryant.

1. You get fired as Santa at the mall when you walk into Victoria’s Secret confessing to the women it’s not a candy cane in your pocket, and yes, you’re happy to see them.

The Bachelorette Update: Separate Ways for Ali and Roberto

News is out that Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez are going their separate ways. Ali and Roberto haven’t released any official statements and her Twitter (@AliFedotowsky) hasn’t mentioned anything yet either. For those of you hoping Chris Lambton might step in, get over it. He and Peyton Wright, a contestant on season 10 of The Bachelor, have been engaged since June 2011. Check back in January for sizzling recaps of The Bachelor featuring a fan favorite, Ben Flajnik. His season begins Monday, January 2, 2012. For a recap of Ali’s season, click here.

Does He Like You? 15 Ways To Find Out

Everyone wants to know if the guy or girl they are interested in shares the same vibe. As a guy, I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) some ways we show interest. There are many ways, but here are a few. If the guy you like is doing any of these things, then there’s a chance he digs you. How do you feel about this list? Let me know in the comments section, thanks for reading!

He pays for everything on a date. This sign is multiplied by the 10th power if he was raised in the North where manners weren’t a given. It’s true, in the South offering to pay for dates is the gentlemanly thing to do, but it’s also a signal he wants to take care of you even in a small way.

He leaves his phone in the car. This speaks volumes. Whether it’s dinner or hanging out at your place, he’s saying there’s nothing more important than the girl I’m with. Phone calls, texts, emails? They can wait.

He doesn’t kiss you on the first date. This is a tough one because it could also mean he hates your guts. If he doesn’t kiss you, take it in context of the whole night and it should fit with other signs he’s been showing.

He makes you a CD of music he likes. Or better yet, a CD of music you like. Bonus points if either CD includes Hanson or Boney M.

He’s not worried about rejection or he’s very worried about rejection. On one hand, he likes you enough to throw caution to the wind. On the other hand, he likes you enough that he’s nervous around you. Either is a good sign.

When you’re with him, he smiles a lot. Milton Berle once said that “laughter is an instant vacation.” Smiles and laughter are visible signs he’s happy.

He remembers things you tell him. Whether it’s about your family, stuff going on at work, or your favorite flower, memory almost always equals interest.

He goes to things with you that he normally wouldn’t go to. He says he likes Taylor Swift, but trust me, he wouldn’t go unless you were there.

He goes with you to a Dolly Parton concert because she’s your favorite. Beware though, he may just be a Dolly fan, because seriously, who doesn’t love Dolly?

He keeps in touch throughout the day and/or week through texts, emails, and/or calls. I got an email from a girl I know that explained it this way: “Oh yea… that is one thing girls get insecure about. You can have a great date but if you don’t hear from him after a day or two… they start to question if the guy is really into them… even if they are in a relationship.”

He knows about your secret crushes, and is ok with them. I heard one story of a guy that dressed up like Bret Michaels for Halloween because he knew his girlfriend had a crush on Bret. They are married now. (He and the girl, not the girl and Bret Michaels)

He doesn’t like cats. You have a cat. He keeps coming back.

He takes care of your least favorite things. One of your biggest pet peeves is putting gas in the car so he does it for you. Thoughtful? Yes. Classy? Yes. Is he interested? Heck yes.

He isn’t shy about meeting your friends or family. A friend of mine went on two dates with a guy before her mom came into town the next week. The girl said, “It’ll be a few days before we can go out again,” to which he responded, “We could see each other while your mom’s here, I ain’t scared.” The girl thought that was cute.

He chooses you over sleep. If you’re talking on the phone for hours and soon realize it’s 3am, he likes you. He’s already put you ahead of one of his two favorite things. (food is the other favorite thing, get your mind out of the gutter!)