Posting daily at 1pm central about all kinds of things. One day it's dating, the next it's TV commercials. I hope you're entertained. Professional photos on SmugMug – https://benwilder.smugmug.com
“Well, it was nice to meet you, Greta,” Michael said.
“Nice to meet you, too, Michael,” she responds.
Michael takes a step towards her and opens his arms wide. Michael hasn’t touched a girl in a while. Unfortunately, Greta can see the desparation on his face. This does not sit well with Greta, and a hug would only make her feel vulnerable.
This kind of situation happens every day. Fortunately for Greta, she’s skilled in the art of…
Women have been executing side hugs for centuries. Why? Because men have been hugging them for centuries. I am not a woman, so any women readers out there can feel free to chime in, but I believe the side hug is used as a fantastic counter-manuever to a full frontal hug. Not unlike a “thank you” to an “I love you.” The idea here is to shift your shoulders next to the hugger, deflecting any uncomfort that could arise. Let’s check in with Greta and Michael.
As Michael steps in closer in an attempt to wrap his arms around her, Greta instinctively turns her body while extending only one arm towards Michael. This is key, so pay attention here. The other arm must remain lifeless, as if crushed by a large rock, lest Michael see movement and assume a front hug is happening.
As Greta extends the arm, she must also swiftly shift her outside shoulder up and away from Michael. In a successful side hug, Greta will be facing the same direction as Michael, a clear sign a frontal embrace will not be happening, and an even clearer sign that he’ll be going home alone again tonight. Lonely Michael goes back to the drawing board, while Greta can go home feeling good about herself and her ability to master the art of…
Brad + Eight girls + Costa Rica = Yep, thousands of lonely girls and their television on a Monday night. Who am I kidding!? Married women watch this, too, and that means married men watch. Yes, I’m talk about you Jonathan. You know it’s not just your wife watching. You’re winning the Nashville Fantasy League and since I’m the Commissioner of said Fantasy League, and I write this blog, I can call you out on national internet. You just got a genuine Brad Womack “WoSmack”!
The show begins. Brad first lead the girls to their Costa Rican villa, then gave them the first date card. The clue was, “Close your eyes, hold on tight. Love is in the air tonight,” and it went to Chantal O. This marked her second one-on-one date of the season. They take a helicopter ride up to an overlook where they eventually zip line over the rain forest. A zip line is where you’re harnessed in to a long wire and coast in a downward motion to certain death. In order for it to work properly, you need to launch from a higher spot than where you want to end up, thus allowing gravity to WoSmack you down to the grave. What am I talking about? It’s totally safe, that’s why Brad and Chantal zip lined over and over, they even spoonzipped. Awesome! It’s like spooning on the couch… except on a zip line. It’s probably called “spipped” or “zippooned” or something. Either way, they spipped a couple of more times down “the longest zip line in the world.” Ok, thanks. I don’t believe that. And I don’t believe this is “the most controversial season ever.” Next, they had a picnic dinner by a river and it rained again so they moved to Brad’s bachelor pad. She pretty much is in love with him at this point, and he’s sweet on her, too, so he offered her a rose. The group date went to Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley H., Shawntel and Britt. They did some repelling, which pissed off Michelle because she thought repelling was just for her and Brad. They all did well repelling. Or did they?
“Jackie might have soiled herself.” -Britt about Jackie repelling.
They all warmed up in the hot springs. Brad got some alone time with Jackie and Emily. Guess which one made it awkward and guess which one was cute? Michelle also got some time with Brad and admitted she was upset Chantal got a rose earlier in the episode. Guess which one was manipulative and which one finally grew some Costa Rican cohones?
“Meet me at the altar,” the next date card clue for Alli. She and Brad rode burros through a field and ended up near a bat cave. OK, they’re probably horses, but I like saying burros out loud. Brad said the cave was 40 million years old, much like we’re going to be when this date ends. And why does she get the cave date after Shawntel got a shopping spree? Call it a WoSmack to the face, but unless there’s a Batmobile about to take them to Makeout Bluff overlooking the downtown lights of Gotham City, this date was forgettable. “Holy charity date, Batman!” Brad and Alli had dinner out by the hot springs.
“We’re sinking.” -Alli on date with Brad. Like the Titanic, Alli, like the Titanic.
Of course Michelle had to do something scary, so she showed up at Brad’s house. Yeah, it worked out for the wrestler last season, so sure, go for it. That’s the story you want to tell your kids one day. “Hey Mikey, let me tell you how I met your father. There was this show…” meanwhile Brad’s thinking, “KKKK MMMM NNNN!!!” (reference to The Big Bang Theory). Before the rose ceremony Brad confronted Michelle about her behavior, Shawntel played the quiet game with Brad, kissed him, and then lost the quiet game. Ashley H. practiced adding the letter ‘a’ to words it doesn’t belong in, ie. “perfact.” Chantal O. told Brad she’s in love with him, the first girl to do this and on a completely related note, she’s also the girl with the most points in the Nashville/ Oklahoma City Fantasy Leagues. Isn’t that just perfact?
Girls who got a rose: Chantal O., Ashley H., Emily, Britt, Shawntel N. and Michelle.
WoSmacked: Alli and Jackie.
P.S. Remember the Rockette Keltie Colleen? She plays the lead actress in this phenomenal music video and song by Christina Perri, check it out:
Just got back from taking my dog for a walk. It’s so cold outside. She’s by the heater now.
Piper, the heater, Elvis lamp
I know, it’s February, it’s supposed to be cold. But it’s my choice to like it or not, and I choose not. Consider this a personal invitation for you to come baaaaaack! Yes, I’m talking to you Summer.
Summer, you're invited
The last muscle of my body to freeze up was my brain, so I used it to take notice of the wind. Today’s a windy day in Nashville. Wind makes colder the already cold air. In my natural desire to survive, I turned my back to the wind so the brunt of the coldness was absorbed or deflected by my jacket and hood and I thought to myself, “This is why I layered up.” The more layers I have between my skin and the undesirable, the better. “I’m a genius,” I thought to myself. The only exposed part of my body was my face, so I did what I could to keep it from direct contact with the wind.
Piper walk
And while my dog nosey’d on through neighboring yards, I began to compare the layers I was wearing to the layers I wear between me and other people. I protect myself against the undesirable. Why don’t I approach that pretty girl? Why don’t I take public speaking opportunities? Why don’t I give my money more freely? I find a reason to instead check my phone for messages.
Verizon on Motorola Droid
I say my schedule is already too busy. I think I should save, save, save for when I really need the money.
Savings account
Those are all excuses and excuses are just layers between me and the potentional for rejection, embarrassment, or need. To strip away these layers? Yes, I may face some undesirable outcomes, but why not assume the best? There is just as much an opportunity for acceptance, success, and freedom. So I guess the challenge is to face the undesirable, hope for the best, and jump in with both feet. Will you accept the challenge? Will I?
How many challenges did He-Man turn down? Zero. He-Man and Battlecat
Writing is something I started doing simply as a hobby. It was a way to document what was going on in my life (I have journals dating back to 1997 as a freshman at Florida State University). It’s also a good way to release some emotion, whether it be happy posts like Mustache Friday, or more thoughtful posts like Learn Slow But Steadfast and Where Are All The Men. And yes, the occasional feisty post, Pet Peeves. But I am excited to reach 40,000 views! And along with that milestone, I also just published my 100th post. Thank you for reading. Like I said, it’s a hobby and I truly enjoy it. To have people read, comment and like what I write, it means a whole lot. To celebrate, I’d like to toss a few ideas out there and write about the idea that gets the most feedback. Please respond and with the majority support, it shall be done!
In a crowded room, do you ever feel like everyone knows something you don’t? When I go to Los Angeles, California that’s how I feel. Everyone’s trying to be somebody. Everyone wants everyone else to think they are somebody. If you don’t drive a Porsche or a Ferrari then you’re not quite successful. If you don’t have a view of the ocean or live in a gated community, then you’re not totally awesome. Status. If people see you in a nice car or owning a nice home overlooking Paradise Cove in Malibu, then you’re somebody.
Paradise Cove, Malibu, CA
Well, I know something they don’t; we don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time. Feel free to apply that to material possessions, career accomplishments, or personalities. It’s cool that you’re funny, but you don’t always have to be funny. It’s cool that you’re a serious person, but you don’t always have to be serious. If you’re an adventurous person, it’s ok if you’re boring sometimes. In the end, it won’t matter who you entertained and how much people liked you. It’s ok to be a boring person. If that’s what makes you truly feel alive, then be the best boring person you can be. There’s something refreshing about a confident person who knows when to be ‘on’ and when to lay low. When to tell a joke, and when to be silent. When to offer a hug, or threaten a punch. When to be the Porsche and when to be the Honda.
Out of the Wilderness 
