Funny Signs, Suggestive Newspaper Articles and Grammar Mistakes in Everyday America

I’m so immature, but something about this is hilarious, right? 

So “are” there any “exceptions” to this rule”?”


On second thought, I don’t want the cider. But thanks.

The same sign as the cider, but on this side you can get shirts and der.

Welcome jacuzzis! Make yourselves at home.

Banner ad for the show “Archer” on FX. Clever? OK. Spellcheck? Sure. Grammar? Fail. (‘as’ vs. ‘at’) 
Required warning for Auburn when the play Florida State.

These next two aren’t funny, just a reminder that this wasn’t that long ago. Boo BP. 

Top Quotes From the 54th Grammy Awards

A collection of the top quotes from the 54th Grammy Awards on February 12, 2012.

“The dress goes great with her blue hair.” -from the E! red carpet show.

“Whitney, we will always love YOU.” -LL Cool J, after a clip of Whitney Houston singing “I Will Always Love You” at a previous Grammy Awards show.

“Tonight we’re celebrating music. Tonight we celebrate the beautiful Ms. Whitney Houston. So get off your rich asses and let’s have some fun, come on, y’all.” -Bruno Mars (mid-performance).

“Seeing as it’s a vocal I need to find my doctors I suppose, who brought my voice back.” -Adele after winning Best Pop Solo Performance for “Someone Like You.”

“Don’t you wanna stay?” -Jason Aldean

“Oh yeah.” -Kelly Clarkson in response to Jason Aldean.

Randomly in the commercial break after Coldplay’s performance, a fantastic 2-minute and 15-second long commercial from Chipotle Mexican Grill. Check it out here: (more quotes if you scroll down past the video)

“…and the Grammy goes to… ‘Walk’ Foo Fighters.” -Mario Manningham presenting Best Rock Performance. Foo Fighters?? Really? Are they still around?

“We made this one in my garage with some microphones and a tape machine.” -Foo Fighters. Ok, that makes more sense.

“She’s giving me good vibrations.” -performance by The Beach Boys. Love it. How many new songs performed tonight will be performed again on the Grammy stage in 40 years? None.

“We’d like to thank all of our opening acts tonight. Especially that very promising kid from Liverpool.” -The Civil Wars (about halfway through the show, referring to all the performances done so far).

“Someday I’ll be singing this at the Grammys, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.” -Taylor Swift with a lyric alteration during her “Mean” song performance.

“The nominees in this category are six of our finest in country music, but Miranda only married one of them.” -Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert presenting Best Country Album.

“It’s really hard to accept this award. There’s so much talent up here, like, on this stage. There’s a lot of talent not here.” -Bon Iver accepting the Best New Artist award. Well said!

“Bittersweet man, Maurice. That is all I’m taking with me.” -Jennifer Hudson singing “I Will Always Love You.” I never understood those lyrics… until tonight. We’re gonna miss you Maurice.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce—– [News Channel 5 at 10 Theme Music]” -Drake introducing Nicki Minaj, then interrupted by the start of the News at 10. Somewhere in Nashville a Channel 5 employee is getting fired.

“That was two and a half hours? How many awards did they give out, like, one per hour??” -me

The Bachelor Ben Flajnik Episode 5: From Courtney’s Point of View

In the spirit of artistic license, this post is sponsored by, written like she would write, and straight out of the wacky head of the lovely girl-you-don’t-cross, Courtney. Enjoy her review of each of the remaining contestants, as seen on episode 5!

From tropical Puerto Rico…

I’m so hot, Puerto Rico called and made reservations to visit me in the summer.

Nicki got the first date, but hey Nicki, a consignment shop from Miami in the early 1990s called and said it wants it’s dress back.

Hey everybody, the cat Ben and Nicki saw on their date called and said please stop saying it’s raining it and dogs.

A few of us went on a group date to Roberto Clemente Stadium. Hey girls, Roberto Clemente called and said you’re white, stop trying to say my name like you’re not.

Jennifer struck out and lost the baseball game. Hey Jennifer, irony called and asked if you understood what just happened?

That’s right, my team won the game. Charlie Sheen called and said hashtag winning!

Blakeley cried after her team lost. Hey Blakeley, Duke and the University of North Carolina called and said at least you didn’t have to play basketball against Florida State.

Hey Casey S., America called and asked who the blonde is on the show. I said Emily? They said no. I said Casey? They said no, Kacie has brown hair. I said well there’s a Casey with blonde hair. They said oh, I’m not familiar.

Emily, oh Emily. My sh*t list called and said you’re still on it.

Hey Rachel, the tattoo on your lower back called and asked if you could go on Ink Masters for a cover up.

Oh by the way, Ben, the ocean called and said it wants us to get naked. I texted back that we’d be right there.

Elyse got the second one-on-one date. Hey Elyse, 1999 called and wants their belly button ring back. Sorry you didn’t get a rose, and by sorry I mean hahahaha.

Hey show producers, David Gray called and said you don’t have to play his song during every episode.

Hey Jamie, Joran Van Der Sloot called and wants advice on how to be more forgettable. Give him a call and just tell him to stop killing people, that’ll help. Btw, I think I saw him on the beach staring at us.

Kacie B., permanent haircut called and said it wants itself back.

Lindzi C., your horse Levi called and said come home. He’s got no one to watch Homeward Bound with.

Elyse went home without a rose. Don’t worry Elyse, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just didn’t do anything right. Jennifer also went home without a rose. I guess kissing well isn’t enough to win Ben’s heart. Hello, you gotta get naked… hashtag winning! 

The Bachelor Ben Flajnik Episode 4: An Acronym in Park City, Utah

After last week’s episode, there’s no way this one can ever match up. However, there were a few developments worth noting, so I’ll do recap… in the form of acronym.

Delightful sights.
No, not the revealing string bikinis. This episode was in Park City, Utah in the fall of 2011. Beautiful landscapes. And yes, the string bikinis.

Excellent editing.
What you thought you were going to see from the previews was just a fancy trick.
Editors: 1, Viewers: 0.

Smoochy time.
Ben kissed 7 girls in this episode. Mono spreading faster than you can say, “I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.”

Pragmatic.
As in, “Relating to or being the study of cause and effect in historical or political events with emphasis on the practical lessons to be learned from them.” Lesson to be learned from The Bachelor, don’t date 25 people at one time. It never works.

Entertaining.
The animosity between Courtney and Emily was the best part of episode 4. Fast forward to the second hour, you’ll thank me later.

Reality: Girls can be emotional.
Not reality: Courtney getting the group date rose. Are you serious, Ben???? Come on!

Almost halfway.
Hang in there, the season is nearing the midpoint. Grin and bear it.

The Bachelor is like a pimple.
It’s only hanging around because we keep watching it and touching it and talking about it and thinking about it.

Economical.
Let me get this straight, 4 episodes in California and Utah? At this point last season, the group had already been to Vegas and Phuket, Thailand. Evidently the show budget is part of the 99%; “Occupy The Bachelor.” Roses went to: Rachel, Courtney, Jennifer, Lindzi C., Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B., Elyse, Blakeley, Casey S. and Emily. Sent home were Samantha and Monica.

Antique Geeks: My Adventures in Estate Sales

My friend Megan and I are self-proclaimed geeks. We’re part of Generation X which we fit into for the most part. But I was born two decades late because I love music and furniture from the 1960s and 1970s. Megan prefers the 1950s and 1980s. We both agree, though, the less expensive, the better so this morning we ventured out to a few estate sales. Follow along in the form of a “how-to” guide as our adventures brought us all over the city looking for the best Nashville has to offer. If you’re on time, you’re late. If the estate sale begins at 9:00am, it’s completely fine to get there in the 8 O’Clock hour, unless they specifically say not to. A lot of times the good stuff could get picked over before you even get there, so whether it helps to take an early-morning shower or support your local coffee shop with a cup to kick off the day, start early.

Coffee from the hometown Starbucks

What exactly are you planning here, sir? To make best use of time and gas, plan out a route before you leave the house. A lot of time will be spent in the car which is fine, but it’ll pay off if you’re not backtracking from sale to sale. Most estate sales list addresses so make your GPS unit earn it’s keep. Also, be prepared to pay via cash. Some sales don’t accept any other form of payment. 

I am a rock, I am an island. As a loner myself, I typically don’t seek out company, but there are a few convincing reasons to bring someone along when you go estate saling. Most importantly, your companion can tell you if what you like is actually hideous. Trust me, that’s invaluable. They can also spot you some cash if you run out and there’s a wood carving of an owl that you just can’t live without. Sure the lyrics “I am a rock, I am an island” are cool, but come one, call up your buddy and bring ’em along.

Keep your eyes on the prize. If you’re looking for something specific at estate sales, it’s important to keep that in mind. Without a doubt, you’re going to see some cool things. You’re going to see some things you never thought you’d see. Many times you’ll see something and think to yourself, “Oh yes, I’ve always needed one of these,” when in reality you don’t. A good philosophy here is to ask yourself, “Will this look like junk in my house?” If the answer is yes, maybe, or probably, don’t buy it. One truth that fits here is that if you don’t love it in the store, you won’t love it at home so try to stick to what you know you want to buy but at the same time, be open to buying stuff that’s just downright cool. For instance, I like collecting bottles so at the second estate sale I found a great bottle from Korea. It had a root inside it. My friend Megan found books she likes and a few great records. Beware of the fanny pack. If you see people wearing fanny packs, be offensive in your shopping. Whatever you’re interested in, hold on to it until you’ve made up your mind. If you set it down, chances are a fanny pack will come snatch it up like a hungry wolf.

Respect your surroundings. Old dinner plates. Old silverware. Old homes. Old people. If you’re looking for the latest IKEA home furnishings, estate sales are not for you. Just think to yourself, why is this sale happening? More often than not, the person living there died of old age. You don’t know who of the family is there, so be mature, don’t criticize the things you see, and spend some cash! Whether you buy a little or fill up a U-Haul, “vintage” is the new “used” so this weekend check out a few estate sales. You may find what you’re looking for, but you’ll definitely find what you were never looking for.

The first mobile phone. Ever.