Live Commentary on The Bachelor: The Women Tell All (Ben Flajnik)

These updates are in Central standard time. Enjoy!

8:43 my guess is that in the finale next week, Courtney wins and Ben loses.

8:42 the soup was so good. Now I’m thinking about a grilled cheese.

7:45 saved by the chicken noodle soup. Dinner time, I’ll update if/when I’m bored enough to.

7:43 I woke up with a fever and headache this morning. This show is making both worse!

7:42 Emily shares the secret of men. Chris says the show is over.

7:41 am I wasting my time watching this show?

7:39 Emily on the hot seat. I wonder if my chicken noodle soup is ready yet.

7:38 highlights of Emily’s run on The Bachelor.

7:32 Emily tells Shawntel she’s gorgeous.

7:31 why do over half of these returning women look more orange than ever?

7:30 oh, no… he didn’t. Nevermind.

7:29 I think Chris Harrison just said “thong.”

7:29 I don’t know why she keeps coming back to The Bachelor. It’s not like the show has a track record for success.

7:27 plenty of people in Nashville die, she could find work here, right?

7:26 Shawntel N. crashes the party, yet again. Alls I know is that this Ben, would drop the other 25 to date her.

7:23 during the commercial break I explained to my dogs why daddy has to watch this show. “Life isn’t black and white,” I said. “To us, it is,” they replied.

7:21 Brittney calls Samantha a chihuahua.

7:19 Sigh.

7:17 Jaclyn interrupts Blakeley while she’s talking.

7:16 my chicken noodle soup is heating up. This show is the worst.

7:15 Blakeley is in the crosshairs as we hear some of the women trash talk about her behind her back.

7:14 Chris tosses to highlights of the season, with voiceovers by the women.

7:12 Amber T., Monica, Jamie, Samantha, Jaclyn, Erika, Brittney, Elyse, Jenna, Jennifer, Rachel, Casey S., Blakeley, Emily, Nicki, Kacie B. are introduced.

7:09 wondering if I should heat up some chicken noodle soup. I’m kinda hungry, but kinda not.

7:07 Ali recaps what happened between her and Roberto.

7:06 Ryan P. chats more about water heaters, but again, they cut away before he gives the advice I really really want to hear! Are tankless water heaters the wave of the future? I need to know.

7:05 Highlights of some kind of Bachelor reunion in Vegas. I’m having flashbacks of frat parties I was never invited to in college.

7:04 Chris tells the audience that Courtney will make an appearance in the show. Pan the audience of women and a few boyfriends clapping.

7:03 Chris Harrison introduces himself. He says this has been the most controversial season in the show’s history.

7pm. Highlights of the upcoming show.

Top 2 Embarrassing Stories from the Past 2 Weeks

I work in downtown Nashville so when I had a break, I decided to walk to the nearby Regions bank. The route I take is through an area called Printers Alley.

Printers Alley

Lots of music history in Printer’s Alley, it’s been around since printing presses were all the rage, hence the name. So the alley is quite narrow, wide enough for one vehicle to drive through, but not two side by side. Off of the alley, there are a few gaps where storeowners or delivery vehicles can park for a short time, but even these gaps are one car wide. So as I made my way through alley, I approached a woman in her car trying to exit one of these side inlets. If you can imagine a car doing a 45-point turn, that’s what this was going to be. So being a good samaritan, I offered to help her, just doing the basics of telling her how far she could go forward till she needed to stop. She slowly approached the building in front of her and just before I gave her the halt signal, another woman came out of a nearby door and exclaimed “stop!” Totally understandable because from her vantage point she didn’t see me giving this girl directions. When she did, and learned I was helping, she was relieved and apologized. “Oh that’s fine, it’s great to have another set of eyes to help, so thank you so much!” is what I wish I would’ve said. Unfortunately, I said, “Oh, it’s ok. It’s better to have four eyes than two” to the woman who was wearing glasses. I walked away wondering what just happened.

Pfunky Griddle Nashville

A few weeks ago I hosted my family in town.

One of our favorite spots to go in Nashville is a great little restaurant called Pfunky Griddle. If you’re ever in town, I highly recommend it. Each table has it’s own griddle so you can make your own breakfast meal; the pancakes are delicious and so is the french toast. So anyway, we were there on a busy Sunday afternoon. The restaurant was once a home, so the old building has tight quarters with not much space to move around if you’re waiting to be seated. As we waited, my sister and I were chatting on either side of the narrow front register area. There was room for people to pass between us, and they did. As I was looking around the restaurant with nothing specific on my mind, my 10-year old niece walked in front of me on her way to stand by my parents. Without thinking I put my hands on her shoulders as she slowly passed by. I held on long enough to impede her progress so she looked up at me. I looked down, and you can probably guess what happened next. It wasn’t my niece. This girl’s face was washed over with confusion and fear. Instantly mine was, too. Somewhere nearby was a father with a clenched fist, I was sure of it.

So this weekend I’m not going anywhere near narrow streets or hallways, people wearing glasses, or 10-year-old girls.

Funny Signs, Suggestive Newspaper Articles and Grammar Mistakes in Everyday America

I’m so immature, but something about this is hilarious, right? 

So “are” there any “exceptions” to this rule”?”


On second thought, I don’t want the cider. But thanks.

The same sign as the cider, but on this side you can get shirts and der.

Welcome jacuzzis! Make yourselves at home.

Banner ad for the show “Archer” on FX. Clever? OK. Spellcheck? Sure. Grammar? Fail. (‘as’ vs. ‘at’) 
Required warning for Auburn when the play Florida State.

These next two aren’t funny, just a reminder that this wasn’t that long ago. Boo BP. 

Top Quotes From the 54th Grammy Awards

A collection of the top quotes from the 54th Grammy Awards on February 12, 2012.

“The dress goes great with her blue hair.” -from the E! red carpet show.

“Whitney, we will always love YOU.” -LL Cool J, after a clip of Whitney Houston singing “I Will Always Love You” at a previous Grammy Awards show.

“Tonight we’re celebrating music. Tonight we celebrate the beautiful Ms. Whitney Houston. So get off your rich asses and let’s have some fun, come on, y’all.” -Bruno Mars (mid-performance).

“Seeing as it’s a vocal I need to find my doctors I suppose, who brought my voice back.” -Adele after winning Best Pop Solo Performance for “Someone Like You.”

“Don’t you wanna stay?” -Jason Aldean

“Oh yeah.” -Kelly Clarkson in response to Jason Aldean.

Randomly in the commercial break after Coldplay’s performance, a fantastic 2-minute and 15-second long commercial from Chipotle Mexican Grill. Check it out here: (more quotes if you scroll down past the video)

“…and the Grammy goes to… ‘Walk’ Foo Fighters.” -Mario Manningham presenting Best Rock Performance. Foo Fighters?? Really? Are they still around?

“We made this one in my garage with some microphones and a tape machine.” -Foo Fighters. Ok, that makes more sense.

“She’s giving me good vibrations.” -performance by The Beach Boys. Love it. How many new songs performed tonight will be performed again on the Grammy stage in 40 years? None.

“We’d like to thank all of our opening acts tonight. Especially that very promising kid from Liverpool.” -The Civil Wars (about halfway through the show, referring to all the performances done so far).

“Someday I’ll be singing this at the Grammys, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.” -Taylor Swift with a lyric alteration during her “Mean” song performance.

“The nominees in this category are six of our finest in country music, but Miranda only married one of them.” -Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert presenting Best Country Album.

“It’s really hard to accept this award. There’s so much talent up here, like, on this stage. There’s a lot of talent not here.” -Bon Iver accepting the Best New Artist award. Well said!

“Bittersweet man, Maurice. That is all I’m taking with me.” -Jennifer Hudson singing “I Will Always Love You.” I never understood those lyrics… until tonight. We’re gonna miss you Maurice.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce—– [News Channel 5 at 10 Theme Music]” -Drake introducing Nicki Minaj, then interrupted by the start of the News at 10. Somewhere in Nashville a Channel 5 employee is getting fired.

“That was two and a half hours? How many awards did they give out, like, one per hour??” -me

The Bachelor Ben Flajnik Episode 5: From Courtney’s Point of View

In the spirit of artistic license, this post is sponsored by, written like she would write, and straight out of the wacky head of the lovely girl-you-don’t-cross, Courtney. Enjoy her review of each of the remaining contestants, as seen on episode 5!

From tropical Puerto Rico…

I’m so hot, Puerto Rico called and made reservations to visit me in the summer.

Nicki got the first date, but hey Nicki, a consignment shop from Miami in the early 1990s called and said it wants it’s dress back.

Hey everybody, the cat Ben and Nicki saw on their date called and said please stop saying it’s raining it and dogs.

A few of us went on a group date to Roberto Clemente Stadium. Hey girls, Roberto Clemente called and said you’re white, stop trying to say my name like you’re not.

Jennifer struck out and lost the baseball game. Hey Jennifer, irony called and asked if you understood what just happened?

That’s right, my team won the game. Charlie Sheen called and said hashtag winning!

Blakeley cried after her team lost. Hey Blakeley, Duke and the University of North Carolina called and said at least you didn’t have to play basketball against Florida State.

Hey Casey S., America called and asked who the blonde is on the show. I said Emily? They said no. I said Casey? They said no, Kacie has brown hair. I said well there’s a Casey with blonde hair. They said oh, I’m not familiar.

Emily, oh Emily. My sh*t list called and said you’re still on it.

Hey Rachel, the tattoo on your lower back called and asked if you could go on Ink Masters for a cover up.

Oh by the way, Ben, the ocean called and said it wants us to get naked. I texted back that we’d be right there.

Elyse got the second one-on-one date. Hey Elyse, 1999 called and wants their belly button ring back. Sorry you didn’t get a rose, and by sorry I mean hahahaha.

Hey show producers, David Gray called and said you don’t have to play his song during every episode.

Hey Jamie, Joran Van Der Sloot called and wants advice on how to be more forgettable. Give him a call and just tell him to stop killing people, that’ll help. Btw, I think I saw him on the beach staring at us.

Kacie B., permanent haircut called and said it wants itself back.

Lindzi C., your horse Levi called and said come home. He’s got no one to watch Homeward Bound with.

Elyse went home without a rose. Don’t worry Elyse, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just didn’t do anything right. Jennifer also went home without a rose. I guess kissing well isn’t enough to win Ben’s heart. Hello, you gotta get naked… hashtag winning!