The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 11: Final Rose and the Bachelorette Revealed.

First, thank you so much for reading my recaps. Whether you’ve read since Episode 1 or you randomly came across this to find out who won (Emily) and who’s the next Bachelorette (Ashley H., as revealed on Jimmy Kimmel LIVE), I’m sincerely thankful you chose to click here. Don’t be shy in coming back around. I have posts about everything from The Bachelor recaps to owning a dog to traveling across the country. So, thank you.

If you missed Monday’s season finale, I bet you’ve already discovered who won and who was sent home without a rose. The lovely and classy Emily was the last contestant standing when it was all said and done. I’d like to wish Brad and Emily heartfelt congratulations and hope they beat the odds by staying together, getting married, and actually living happily ever after. They are no different than us because we all deserve more than one chance at finding the person that makes us feel most alive. Whether you are single or not, I do not know, so if you are, don’t give up on chasing someone out of your league. Don’t settle. If finding true love is one of the best decisions a person can make, settling for “good” is one of the worst because it’s not your potential. Don’t settle for what you know you can get. That’s crap. Believe that there’s someone out there better than the dream. Hope for a miracle. Stay positive in the pursuit even when you’re home alone Friday nights. There’s absolutely no reason, not age, not location, not history, not doubt, not mistakes made, no reason to think you’ve missed your chance. The best advice I’ve heard is this…

Don’t worry about finding the right person, be the right person to find.

Genius. So those of you who aren’t married yet, don’t give up. I won’t either. But in the meantime, be good. I should say something to married people, too: I hope you’re with your favorite person in the world and please, please beat the odds. I know this wasn’t really a recap, so click here for a professional and awesome blog about Episode 11.

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The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 1: He Meets the Girls.

Season 15 kicked off with a remorseful Brad Womack who lead us down Lonesome Road, which is a left off Sad Boulevard and a right on Solitaire Street (if you hit Rejection Lane you’ve gone too far). Brad’s life was at a dead end. In 2007, he finished season 11 of the Bachelor and had no marriage proposal to show for it. That’s because, with the two girls left on that season, he gave neither a rose. They took the off ramp down to Dejection Depot while Brad signed up for three years of therapy. Here is where we see a montage of Brad sitting in the rain. Then walking in the sun.

Therapy. Analyzation. Trust issues. Blame father. Standing by lake with no shirt.

Green v-neck shirt.

Not to be outdone, purple v-neck shirt.

Fast forward to 2011 and Brad’s back in business, claiming to be a changed man. Global warming? War? Rising gas prices? No, no. Tell me who killed Michael Jackson then tell me Brad’s a changed man. We’ll courier that news to Bin Laden and bing bang, problem solved. In my best George W. Bush voice: America, you’re a beacon of freedom and change and giving people second chances at… freedom and change… and being on The Bachelor. End quote.

Par for the course next when Chris Harrison brings Brad to the front of the mansion where each girl steps out of a limousine to introduce themselves. This season there are 30 potential Womackettes (instead of the standard 25) so that’ll make for more drama and a few extra episodes of awesomeness.

Each girl has their own ideas of making good first impressions, some standouts include the girl who got him to propose, the vampire teeth girl, the hand mysteriously appearing out of the limousine window girl, and the slap heard round the world. Between promo packages and commericals, it was tough to squeeze in any real documention of relationships being formed (hey, they only had two hours to do this) so without much storyline, Brad narrowed it down to 20 girls (listed below). I’ll be honest, I had a couple guy friends over to my house to watch the premiere. We’re totally secure men so we never had a problem watching the show together, though they weren’t happy about my idea to light a fire, but I thought it would be warm.

Amongst the topics we talked about during the episode: why all the girls are white, the average bachelorette age this season is 27 years old (Brad is 38), Emily and who of us three should get to marry her when Brad lets her go, are fangs hot, Ashley S. grabbing Brad’s butt, Alli talking to Brad about her butt when he was probably thinking about something else of hers (more specifically her two something else’s that she made very obvious), Raichel’s wrist waxing, and how we can set up a bracket challenge for this season. I’ll work on setting up a bracket tomorrow, but that’s ok, at my job I have Microsoft Word and they encourage us to be creative. So I’ll design a sweet bracket, save it as a pdf and email to the guys. Copies available upon request.

Ashley S. gets the first impression rose. The next 19 went to Michelle, Kimberly, Madison Vampire, Emily, Raichel Wax, Keltie, Ashley H., Meghan, Lisa M., Lindsay, Alli, Sarah P. (your name rhymes with therapy), Marissa, Britt, Stacey, Shawntel, Jackie, Melissa, Chantal O.

No rose: Britnee, Cristy, J, Jill, Lacey, Lauren, Lisa P., Rebecca, Renee, and Sarah L.

My predictions for the final 3 are: Emily, Chantal O., Michelle. My two favorites after the first episode are Emily and Shawntel.

Click here for a recap of episode 2.

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 10. The Next Bachelor Revealed?

Last night’s episode, “The Men Tell All” “Welcome The Next Bachelor: Kirk DeWindt.” Despite rumors that he’s dating Jessie Sulidis (yes, the former Jake-season contestant that outed Justin Rego), Kirk will be the next Bachelor. Please note that I haven’t read any spoilers, this is all based on my instinct and cold, hard evidence. I’ll explain now.

The show kicked off with a heart-to-heart between Chris Harrison and Ali. The discussion focused on Justin, Kasey, Kirk, Roberto and Frank. No need to explain that Justin and Kasey aren’t options for next season. And Nicole won’t let Frank leave. Roberto’s going to win (that’s my educated non-spoiler reading guess) , so next year’s Bachelor must be Kirk. Remember how they clumsily set Ali up at the end of the Jake season? Kirk is the new Ali just like “the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice.” Thank you, Dave Ramsey, for that not-totally-unrelated quote that just popped into my head.

Chris Harrison then introduced us to the bachelors who showed up for “Welcome The Next Bachelor: Kirk DeWindt,” who the heck is Kyle? My guess is he’ll be next season’s “surprise guest” that shows up to reveal startling information to Kirk, who will cry a little and say something like, “I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.” After all the introductions, the guys took turns ragging on Kasey, ripping Justin apart, and half-way defending Frank. Cut to highlights of Ali with Kasey: the awkward moments, the singing, oh wait, those are the same thing. Now here you may think, “They haven’t shown Kirk much. Is he really going to be the next Bachelor?” Yes, he is. If you missed it, here are all the words used to describe Kirk on this episode.

Sincere, great chemistry, major moment, sweetness, a lot of the qualities I’m looking for, feel safe, feel appreciated and comfortable around him, love, upbeat, positive, something missing, Kirky, think the world of you, never had heart broken before, bruised heart, inspiring, bed ridden, healthy.

Ok, some of those are taken out of context, but you’re picking up what I’m laying down, right? Kirk is next in line and if you need more proof, let’s move on through the rest of the show. Guess what’s next, more talk about Justin. However, Kirk emerges as a comedian during this segment. The crowd (of girls) applaudes vivaciously. After the break, more talk about Justin. Wow, for someone no one likes, they sure are spending a lot of time talking about him. Wait, this is about ratings. Oh, yeah. Villains have high ratings. So guess what? Let’s talk about Justin some more. More about Justin leaving messages on a social networking site. Justin and Canada. Who’s Kimberly? Jessica is the main girlfriend, Kimberly is the new one. Jessica isn’t allowed to have a Facebook account. Kimberly left wall posts on Justin’s page. Jessica signs back on and messages Kimberly. Text messages, wall posts, more than just voicemails. Valentines with Kimberly. Walks to Jessica’s. Wobbles over. Two girlfriends. Trying for a third. Justin from Toronto has a girlfriend, pictures to prove it. Phone call to Ali. Whew, I’m exhausted. Next the audience got a chance to ask questions. A girl hits on Craig R. who doesn’t understand that’s what just happened. He agrees to wrestle Justin in an olive oil ring and doesn’t understand a girl just hit on him. She sits down.

Ali comes out and runs back through the season, the ups and downs, and how she feels about Justin. Ok, producers, we get it, you want ratings. At one critical point, Ali said it was hard to say goodbye to people she really cared about and they cut to a shot of Kirk smiling. Chris Harrison gives Kirk a chance to speak to Ali, he says he’s ready to find somebody to spend the rest of his life with. Come on, people! Isn’t it obvious? And is it just me or is Ali’s upper lip getting smaller?

Kasey sings a song, we see some bloopers, here it goes: dancing guys, Ali laughing, Kirk landing on stiff bed, Roberto’s crotch, Ali says idealacise, wants to do it with Roberto, dog barking, Ty barking, mom jokes, Ali as Legolas, mouse, beeps. Then highlights of the two remaining bachelors, Roberto and Chris L.

Check back next week to read my recap of Roberto proposing to Ali in episode 11!

Click here for Chris L. tattoo pictures!

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Top Three Bachelors.

Ali Fedotowsky’s narrowed it down to her top three: Roberto, Frank, and Chris L. Most of us probably have seen the previews that Frank leaves the show by his choice. Rumors are that when he went back to his hometown (episode 8 recap) he rekindled a flame with an old girlfriend. So if that’s true and Frank goes home, that’ll leave Roberto and Chris L. for the season finale. When this season started, I made some predictions on who would make it into the top three. I chose Roberto, Justin, and Kirk. Here was my take on each of the recent contenders, as noted after episode 1.

Roberto: 26-year-old who recently moved to Charleston, SC. He grew up in Tampa, FL learning to admire his parents and wants a relationship like theirs. When he first met Ali, he complimented her, and she complimented him. He also spoke Spanish to her and said he’d teach her to salsa dance. He hadn’t said his name yet so Ali said she’d just call him “Cutie.” Roberto emerges quickly as a fan favorite, and the producers will edit the show that way. He got the first impression rose.
My take: Top three. I expect him to last a long time this season because he seems very likeable.

Frank: 30- or 31-year-old from Chicago or Geneva. He tells Ali that he quit his job to chase his dreams. When he found out Ali was The Bachelorette, he was very excited. He’s the Clark Kent of this season. He’s already said he loves Ali, and they’re getting married. Arriving at the mansion to meet Ali, he climbs out the limo sunroof, so needless to say he’s got a flare for the dramatic. He seems nice, he’s adventurous and sees that same quality in Ali.
My take: he’s a firecracker, so Ali better be careful that he doesn’t blow up. I predict he’ll have some sort of meltdown which will cause his elimination. Top ten, possibly top five because producers love drama.

Chris L.: 32-year-old from Cape Cod, Massachussetts. He moved to New York to teach at an inner-city public school. This will possibly set him up as an emotional favorite. When he met Ali, he acted a bit creepy. He uses words like “wicked” and lives with his dad, near his brothers. His mom died recently. Again, the emotional favorite.
My take: There’s something guilty about him that I don’t trust. I think it’s his teeth, however, I put him in the top ten, possibly top five.

Kirk: 27-year-old from Green Bay, Wisconsin. He cleverly made a rose out of a red napkin when he first met Ali. Later in the show, he also gave her a homemade scrapbook highlighting his personality. The guys made fun of him for this.
My take: girls like guys that spend time doing something special for them. If he keeps this up, he will go far. Top three.

Justin: 26-year-old entertainment wrestler from Toronto, Canada. He claims he’s a villain in the ring, Mr. Rated-R, but opposite in real life. He appeared comfortable upon meeting Ali, though he was on crutches. In episode 1, he got some one-on-one time and explained the broken foot. Although some guys doubt, he claims he’s “there for the right reasons.” He also received a first impression rose, even after the guys vote him as the one who’s there for the wrong reasons.
My take: Some guys are threatened by him, so they want him eliminated. He seems genuine. Top three because either the audience will love him, or love to hate him, and this is a show producer’s dream.

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 8.

The only solace I have today is knowing that George Steinbrenner was alive long enough to see Ali meet the remaining four bachelor’s families. Talk about weight lifted off the shoulders. Wooo. *wiping nervous sweat from forehead*

First up on the hometown visit episode was Roberto. He takes Ali to the University of Tampa’s baseball field, where he played in college. They walked around the field and practiced batting and fielding. Clearly Ali is smitten with Roberto but an expert Bachelorette consultant friend of mine pointed out that Roberto doesn’t seem to be reciprocating the affection quite as much. Holy Justin Bieber, Batman! This could be crucial info as the season comes to a close. Ali and Roberto did more baseball related things, which apparently makes Ali laugh because she laughed quite a bit throughout the baseball field tour.

Ali: “Today’s date had all the elements I want in life.”

Yeah, first base, second base, third base… places you’ve already been with how many bachelors? Hiiiyoooo! Later Ali meets Roberto’s family. His dad pulled Roberto aside and called him “a big price.” I love when parents are encouraging. So much of what’s wrong in the world (and in this show!) would be remedied if parents would love their children and encourage them. Justin Bieber! I didn’t mean to get deep so quick. Sorry. Before the hometown date was over, Ali mentioned she’s getting cold feet. I only hear that phrase when it’s related to a wedding. Interesting.

the circle of trust.

The next hometown date was with Chris L. If I had to describe Chris in a few words: solid, genuine, deep. We learn from this date that Chris comes from good stock. His dad is cool, his brothers are cool, and his sister-in-laws are cool.  They live by the motto: “Love is the only reality.” While they were all talking, Chris’ sister-in-law asked Ali about the tennis bracelet he gave her in Portugal. My only question is, will Roberto mail the bracelet back to Chris L. when the show is over? There’s a Lambton circle of trust, and Ali won’t make it in.

Kirk Sir-Smiles-A-Lot hosted Ali in his hometown next. His parents are divorced so this date will include two separate visits with his dad then his mom. Turns out Kirk’s dad is passionate and professional about stuffed animals. Literally. Real animals. Stuffed. He brings Ali down to the basement to show her his trophies.

Ali: “What is this thing?”
Kirk’s Dad: “What that is, is a caribou foot that I put eyes on.”
Ali: “Wow.”

Unfortunately, this little visit didn’t seem to please Ali, which will not award Kirk any points. She probably thinks of Kirk as an apple that won’t fall from the tree. On a sidenote, Kirk’s dad if you’re reading this, I have a few moles digging up my yard that I’d love to have taxidermied. Email me. Part two of this date is at the home of Kirk’s mother. The headlines from this portion are that the cheesy potatoes were a big hit. That’s about as interesting as it got for the rest of that date.

The final hometown date was in Chicago with I’m-Wearing-A-V-Neck-That’s-Not-Really-A-V-Neck Frank. They meet on the Navy Pier, run to each other and hug. In a raspy voice, Frank says, “Ali.” They take a boat ride across the water, aaaand scene! On the boat ride, Frank revealed some of his insecurities about the relationship, which surprised Ali. Eight episodes into the season and this is the first time we hear of Frank’s doubts? Whatever happened to reality television? I’m suspicious that somewhere deep in the bowels of ABC there’s a host of writers along with a team of producers along with a pack of wolves along with Kasey who’s pitching songs he makes up on the fly.

In the end, roses went to Roberto, Chris L., and Frank in that order. It was Kirk’s time to go home, so he made like a pelican and flew out of there.

caribou foot with eyes.