The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 2: Energy Suck.

Episode 2 (01/10/2011)

This episode was a doozy! I had no idea Monday night would be filled with so! much! drama! Between this show and the college National Championship between Auburn and Oregon, I could hardly contain myself. I should say, “We could hardly contain ourselves,” but my friend who watched both events with me wishes to remain anonymous. He’ll deny it, but he’s hooked on The Bachelor. I may quote him from time to time because of his insight into the show, the male mindset and his expertise in the… oh, who am I kidding, he just loves Emily.

I’m assuming you’re familiar with the rules of the show, so I won’t bore you with the same info Chris shared. The first date card arrived at the bachelorette mansion and it was for Ashley H. (Dentist from Philly). The clue: “The road to love is a wild ride.” Brad picked her up in a convertible Aston Martin and they eventually ended up on a dark dirt road. They parked and walked by lantern to a dark field. Ashley flipped a switch to discover carnival rides, all for her. She and Brad did all the things people do at carnivals: ate cotton candy, rode the ferris wheel, took photos together, more cotton candy, whirly doo, vomit behind the ticket booth. Oh, they also had a deep conversation about their past, and if it weren’t for Ashley saying “perfact” instead of “perfect” more than once, I would kinda like her.

Meanwhile the second date card arrived. The clue: “Let’s share something from the heart.” Awwwww, every bachelors dream. It might have well said, “Let’s just talk.” This date was for 15 of the 19 remaining girls. Michelle (Hair Stylist from Utah) was included on this date and revealed she’s got some crazy running through her veins. Even if she’s got a heart, it’s pumping crazy juuuuiiiiiice! She wanted the group date to center around her and her 30th birthday. Well, guess what Crazy Juice, there’s 14 other girls so just calm down. Thank goodness there’s the cool, calm, and collected Melissa (Waitress from Lake Worth, FL) to teach and guide young Michelle. Oh wait, Melissa is crazy too. Darn. Just because you look like the lesser-liked older twin of Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress from Los Angeles) doesn’t mean Brad is going to like you, Melissa. So! much! drama! On the date, the group recorded a few Public Service Announcements for the Red Cross. Notable moments from this date: Britt “Me Kiss You Long Time” Billmaier (Food Writer from Washington) kissed Brad… for a long time. Kimberly (Marketing Coordinator from North Carolina) said about Michelle, “It’s her birthday, she can cry if she wants to.” Kimberly, you would cry, too, if it happened to you. Yes! Great follow up by me.

After the PSA’s were finished, they all partook in a rooftop dinner. At one point, Michelle got Brad away from the other girls. She is so strange. She admitted she wanted to dissect Brad and peel his layers. I don’t know if it was because she frightened him or because she threatened to inject him with crazy, but Brad gave her a rose.

The final date card went to Jackie (Artist from NYC). The clue: “Let’s get our love on track.” The date started when Brad picked her up in a Bentley. They arrived at a swanky hotel and put robes on. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hotel robes? Here’s where I mention it, actually. This date was all about pampering Jackie. She got to choose a dress from a large selection and was allowed to wear a beautiful expensive-looking necklace. The Bentley then brought the couple to the Hollywood Bowl for a private dinner, serenaded by the band Train. Dancing. Kissing. Brad offered Jackie the rose, she accepted. Let’s be real, though. In that situation, Screech could’ve offered her a rose and she would’ve accepted. Am I right or am I right, ladies? Of course Zac would’ve swooped in and kissed her before Screech did, like in that episode where Zac swooped in and kissed a girl before Screech did. Don’t act like you don’t remember.

If you’re curious about the songs performed by Train, the first was “If It’s Love” and the second was “Marry Me.”

Just before the rose ceremony, Crazy Juice stole Brad away from the rest of the girls to ask him if he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean. She already has a rose, what was she doing??? And why did she say “stalked” when asking about Brad’s refrigerator contents? She meant “stocked” but that’s not was she saaaaiiiiiid. Girl is crazy.

Somehow Brad escaped and spent time with Emily (Hospital Event Planner from North Carolina). Clearly emerging as the fan favorite, Emily and Brad remind me a lot of Ali and Roberto. Ali was giddy from the very beginning, and Brad admitted he can’t find the right words to say when he’s with Emily. She’ll be on this show a long time. As will Ashley S. (Nanny from NYC) who showed a lot of maturity when she attempted to diffuse the cat fight between Melissa and Raichel (Manscaper from California). Niether of them could let it go and the Needy Juice flowed. Yes, yes… they cried. Melissa confided in Madison (Model from Brooklyn). One thing I’ve learned, never trust a vampire (Model from Brooklyn). I’ve also learned more about what an energy suck is.

Quote of the episode
Melissa: “She’s just like, such an energy suck. I’m sorry, I had onions in my pizza… and I had four slices.”
Brad: “Sounds good.”

In the end, roses went to (Ashley H., Michelle, Jackie, Emily) Shantal O., Sarah P., Alli, Kimberly, Shawntel N., Stacey, Ashley S., Madison, Lisa, Marissa, Meghan, Lindsay and Britt.

Melissa, Raichel and Keltie were sent home without a rose.

The Bachelor Brad Womack, Episode 1: He Meets the Girls.

Season 15 kicked off with a remorseful Brad Womack who lead us down Lonesome Road, which is a left off Sad Boulevard and a right on Solitaire Street (if you hit Rejection Lane you’ve gone too far). Brad’s life was at a dead end. In 2007, he finished season 11 of the Bachelor and had no marriage proposal to show for it. That’s because, with the two girls left on that season, he gave neither a rose. They took the off ramp down to Dejection Depot while Brad signed up for three years of therapy. Here is where we see a montage of Brad sitting in the rain. Then walking in the sun.

Therapy. Analyzation. Trust issues. Blame father. Standing by lake with no shirt.

Green v-neck shirt.

Not to be outdone, purple v-neck shirt.

Fast forward to 2011 and Brad’s back in business, claiming to be a changed man. Global warming? War? Rising gas prices? No, no. Tell me who killed Michael Jackson then tell me Brad’s a changed man. We’ll courier that news to Bin Laden and bing bang, problem solved. In my best George W. Bush voice: America, you’re a beacon of freedom and change and giving people second chances at… freedom and change… and being on The Bachelor. End quote.

Par for the course next when Chris Harrison brings Brad to the front of the mansion where each girl steps out of a limousine to introduce themselves. This season there are 30 potential Womackettes (instead of the standard 25) so that’ll make for more drama and a few extra episodes of awesomeness.

Each girl has their own ideas of making good first impressions, some standouts include the girl who got him to propose, the vampire teeth girl, the hand mysteriously appearing out of the limousine window girl, and the slap heard round the world. Between promo packages and commericals, it was tough to squeeze in any real documention of relationships being formed (hey, they only had two hours to do this) so without much storyline, Brad narrowed it down to 20 girls (listed below). I’ll be honest, I had a couple guy friends over to my house to watch the premiere. We’re totally secure men so we never had a problem watching the show together, though they weren’t happy about my idea to light a fire, but I thought it would be warm.

Amongst the topics we talked about during the episode: why all the girls are white, the average bachelorette age this season is 27 years old (Brad is 38), Emily and who of us three should get to marry her when Brad lets her go, are fangs hot, Ashley S. grabbing Brad’s butt, Alli talking to Brad about her butt when he was probably thinking about something else of hers (more specifically her two something else’s that she made very obvious), Raichel’s wrist waxing, and how we can set up a bracket challenge for this season. I’ll work on setting up a bracket tomorrow, but that’s ok, at my job I have Microsoft Word and they encourage us to be creative. So I’ll design a sweet bracket, save it as a pdf and email to the guys. Copies available upon request.

Ashley S. gets the first impression rose. The next 19 went to Michelle, Kimberly, Madison Vampire, Emily, Raichel Wax, Keltie, Ashley H., Meghan, Lisa M., Lindsay, Alli, Sarah P. (your name rhymes with therapy), Marissa, Britt, Stacey, Shawntel, Jackie, Melissa, Chantal O.

No rose: Britnee, Cristy, J, Jill, Lacey, Lauren, Lisa P., Rebecca, Renee, and Sarah L.

My predictions for the final 3 are: Emily, Chantal O., Michelle. My two favorites after the first episode are Emily and Shawntel.

Click here for a recap of episode 2.

The Bachelor: An Introduction to Brad Womack

Welcome back to another season of The Bachelor. This is the first time Out of the Wilderness will be covering this version of the show. You may recall some wild and hilarious (that’s called shameless self-promotion) posts about Ali Fedotowski on last season’s Bachelorette. She ended up choosing Roberto over Chris L. (recap here), though most searches directing viewers to this site were about Chris and his tattoo. Chris Lambton was slated to be the next Bachelor but he declined, so lo and behold, we have Brad Womack.

The Bachelor

This is Brad’s second time on the show, with the first being the season he surprised everyone by not choosing Jenni Croft or DeAnna Pappas. That was back in 2007. Now, in 2011, Brad lives in Austin, Texas and is sure he’s a changed man. His twin brother and their younger brother both are married and have families, so Brad is desperate excited to start a family of his own.

Out of the Wilderness will cover each episode as Brad narrows thirty desperate excited women down to one. Log on to the web either late Monday nights or early Tuesdays for a fresh, creative, clever and hilarious take on each new episode. Then check this site for my take.

Good luck to Brad and his once-twice-in-a-lifetime search for love!

Thanks,

BW

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 10. The Next Bachelor Revealed?

Last night’s episode, “The Men Tell All” “Welcome The Next Bachelor: Kirk DeWindt.” Despite rumors that he’s dating Jessie Sulidis (yes, the former Jake-season contestant that outed Justin Rego), Kirk will be the next Bachelor. Please note that I haven’t read any spoilers, this is all based on my instinct and cold, hard evidence. I’ll explain now.

The show kicked off with a heart-to-heart between Chris Harrison and Ali. The discussion focused on Justin, Kasey, Kirk, Roberto and Frank. No need to explain that Justin and Kasey aren’t options for next season. And Nicole won’t let Frank leave. Roberto’s going to win (that’s my educated non-spoiler reading guess) , so next year’s Bachelor must be Kirk. Remember how they clumsily set Ali up at the end of the Jake season? Kirk is the new Ali just like “the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice.” Thank you, Dave Ramsey, for that not-totally-unrelated quote that just popped into my head.

Chris Harrison then introduced us to the bachelors who showed up for “Welcome The Next Bachelor: Kirk DeWindt,” who the heck is Kyle? My guess is he’ll be next season’s “surprise guest” that shows up to reveal startling information to Kirk, who will cry a little and say something like, “I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.” After all the introductions, the guys took turns ragging on Kasey, ripping Justin apart, and half-way defending Frank. Cut to highlights of Ali with Kasey: the awkward moments, the singing, oh wait, those are the same thing. Now here you may think, “They haven’t shown Kirk much. Is he really going to be the next Bachelor?” Yes, he is. If you missed it, here are all the words used to describe Kirk on this episode.

Sincere, great chemistry, major moment, sweetness, a lot of the qualities I’m looking for, feel safe, feel appreciated and comfortable around him, love, upbeat, positive, something missing, Kirky, think the world of you, never had heart broken before, bruised heart, inspiring, bed ridden, healthy.

Ok, some of those are taken out of context, but you’re picking up what I’m laying down, right? Kirk is next in line and if you need more proof, let’s move on through the rest of the show. Guess what’s next, more talk about Justin. However, Kirk emerges as a comedian during this segment. The crowd (of girls) applaudes vivaciously. After the break, more talk about Justin. Wow, for someone no one likes, they sure are spending a lot of time talking about him. Wait, this is about ratings. Oh, yeah. Villains have high ratings. So guess what? Let’s talk about Justin some more. More about Justin leaving messages on a social networking site. Justin and Canada. Who’s Kimberly? Jessica is the main girlfriend, Kimberly is the new one. Jessica isn’t allowed to have a Facebook account. Kimberly left wall posts on Justin’s page. Jessica signs back on and messages Kimberly. Text messages, wall posts, more than just voicemails. Valentines with Kimberly. Walks to Jessica’s. Wobbles over. Two girlfriends. Trying for a third. Justin from Toronto has a girlfriend, pictures to prove it. Phone call to Ali. Whew, I’m exhausted. Next the audience got a chance to ask questions. A girl hits on Craig R. who doesn’t understand that’s what just happened. He agrees to wrestle Justin in an olive oil ring and doesn’t understand a girl just hit on him. She sits down.

Ali comes out and runs back through the season, the ups and downs, and how she feels about Justin. Ok, producers, we get it, you want ratings. At one critical point, Ali said it was hard to say goodbye to people she really cared about and they cut to a shot of Kirk smiling. Chris Harrison gives Kirk a chance to speak to Ali, he says he’s ready to find somebody to spend the rest of his life with. Come on, people! Isn’t it obvious? And is it just me or is Ali’s upper lip getting smaller?

Kasey sings a song, we see some bloopers, here it goes: dancing guys, Ali laughing, Kirk landing on stiff bed, Roberto’s crotch, Ali says idealacise, wants to do it with Roberto, dog barking, Ty barking, mom jokes, Ali as Legolas, mouse, beeps. Then highlights of the two remaining bachelors, Roberto and Chris L.

Check back next week to read my recap of Roberto proposing to Ali in episode 11!

Click here for Chris L. tattoo pictures!

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 7.

Let’s go ahead and call this what it is, the Jake and Vienna episode. We’ll get to that shortly. First, though, Ali went on dates with the five guys that remain: Ty, Kirk, Roberto, Frank, and Chris L. This round was different though, in that no roses were given out on the dates, and one of the dates was a two-on-one. The first date card arrived and named Roberto as the datee. Ali showed up at the guys’ hotel room and greeted them in Spanish, an attempt to welcome them to Lisbon, Portugal. Roberto translated, turns out she said, “Toilet sandwich in ocean airplane.” Nice one, Ali.

The date went well, and it’s no surprise if you’ve been watching the show to see that Ali and Roberto have chemistry. He’ll end up in the top three, no question. Date two was with Ty and Frank. Frank admitted that Ty is his toughest competition so he’s miffed they’ll be together for the two-on-one. Hey, when you’re fighting for fourth place, does it really matter? Cue the helicopter ride. So does anyone believe in regular transportation anymore? I mean, I can hardly remember the last time I picked a girl up in a helicopter. It’s not normal to do that. What’s normal is a car. Two cars. Meaning the guy and the girl drive their own car to meet at an agreed upon location. That way when the date goes sour, they can drive around to find something better going on. No helicopters! The highlight of this date was when Ali asked Ty to chat privately. As they left, Frank saluted them. Didn’t that happen to a curly-haired Cory on Boy Meets World? He saluted Topanga and was so embarrassed. He still became her boyfriend by the end of the episode, but I don’t think Frank will fare that well. Later, Frank gets away with Ali and they talk about their own families. He’s worried about telling Ali that he lives with his parents but eventually spits it out. She says, “Awww,” and hugs him like he just fell off his bicycle. Had he just told her without acting like it was a big deal, he wouldn’t have emasculated himself.

The next date went to Kirk (who will end up in the top three). They got along well, but is Kirk reminding me more and more of a great camp counselor? He smiles a lot and seems to have a lot of energy. Perfect for Swim Day at the pool and thrilling children with late-night adventure stories. But this is about what Ali thinks of him, and she likes him.

The last date was with Chris L. She kept mentioning that “it may be a little too late” for Chris to make a solid romantic connection. Isn’t it a little strange that this is the first we’ve heard of Ali’s concerns about the Chris L. relationship developing too slow? Producers are awarded zero points. Anyway, he gave her what is perhaps the most personal gift anyone has given her so far, except Kasey’s two freestyle songs. He gave her a tennis bracelet that is like the ones his sister and his mom had/have. Pretty cool.

Roses went to Chris L., Frank, Roberto, and Kirk. Poor Ty Longnote (clever reference to last week’s recap) got sent home this time around. I think he would have been sent packing last week but because Justin left on his own accord, Ty got to stick around one more episode.

The last forty-five minutes were dedicated to Jake and Vienna. Honestly, the best forty-five minutes of The Bachelor/ Bachelorette I’ve ever seen! It will go down in the annals of history as the moment this show turned a corner, earning it a spot in reality television goldness. Songs like Alan Jackson’s “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning”. Songs like “Gives You Hell” by the All American Rejects. Songs like “Baby” by Justin Bieber. All are being considered for the theme song of this episode. It was amazing. Somewhere in America, Tenley is pressing play on the track “Walk Like An Egyptian” by The Bangles and she’s dancing like no one’s watching! Jake and Vienna acted like two third-graders fighting about who gets to sleep in the cot by the window. Highlight #1 was when, after Chris Harrison got the rundown from Jake, Vienna appeared from the forest. She was there to tell her side of why they broke up. Jake said it’s because she cheated on him. Vienna called him a “fame whore.” But evidently Jake has evidence she cheated. We found this out when he gave us the quote of the night:

“Oh yes, baby, I’ve got text messages.”

Then Vienna called him a fake liar. Wait, wait, doesn’t that mean he’s telling the truth? Oh yes, baby, you just used a double negative! She turned to Chris Harrison and asked if Jake can take a polyagraph test. Last I checked polygraph didn’t have an “uh” in it. Polyuhgraph. Hilarious, Vienna! Somewhere Tenley’s doing the hokey pokey and shaking it all about!

Check back in next week for a recap of episode 8!

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 2.

Welcome back! Episode 2 of The Bachelorette was full of drama, laughter, smiles, some kissing, and oh yeah, a downpour of corny weather jokes. Ali is obviously the star of the show, but this episode featured a subplot: the mounting surge of dislike between Jonathan the Weatherman and Craig M. from Canada. After watching the episode back, Jonathan spoke more of Craig M. than he did of Ali! Even during the one-on-one time with Ali, the conversation revolved around Craig M. Sidenote #1: You don’t win a girl’s heart by talking about other guys. It’s like going to a job interview and talking about someone else’s resume. Or better yet, talking about someone else’s cloud cover, if you know what I mean! Get it? Get it??? Ok, moving on. In this episode we saw Ali go on one group date and two individual dates. She had a rose for each date, so three guys could get a rose before the final ceremony, in which three are also getting eliminated. First date card goes to Clark Kent, I mean Frank. I don’t know how, but he’s already head over heels for Ali. That should worry you. He’s already said he feels like they’re a couple, even calling her his girlfriend. He may be good, but too much of a good thing is bad and I can see him smothering her to death. His over-the-top and lightning-quick commitment to her is the perfect set up for a meltdown. Even the big fins on the 1959 Cadillac they rode in won’t save Frank from himself. And hey, those were big fins! Frank is involved in too many adventures to be committed to one. Highlight of their one-on-one date:
They drink wine on the hood of the car. Ali teases Frank with the rose.
They eat cupcakes.

Lots of drama at the house in this episode. Craig R. is still suspect of Justin’s intentions and calls him out on it. The date card arrives. A couple of Craigs, Chris’, and a few others head to the beach for a photo shoot with photographer Michael Grecco. Chris Harrison explained the reason for the photo shoot: a calendar! Proceeds of the calendar sales go to an unnamed charity. Sidenote #2: Christmas shopping, done.

The guys were happy to be with Ali at the beach, but the winner on this date was Kirk for quoting a line from Dumb & Dumber. Nice move. After a randomly placed tug-of-war clip, Ty had photos taken while he sang to Ali. None of the other guys liked this, of course. Later Ty revealed that he’s been married and divorced. If big surprised eyes mean anything, then Ali’s either disappointed, or thinking about the next hit country song. Jonathan also gets some one-on-one time and calls Craig M. dangerous for Ali. Cue Ali’s big surprised eyes. Either she’s shocked by the news, or she came up with a third verse for Ty’s hit country song. She finds Ty and gives him a rose.

A new date card arrives at the house. A few corny weather-related jokes later, Jesse is named as the invitee. This guy is emerging as a match for Ali. On the outside, he’s a tattooed tough guy, but Ali sees more. A soft-hearted, good-natured man. He was nervous on their date, but by the end, some walls came down and they connected. Her gamble paid off on their date in Vegas, Jesse got a rose.

Before the final rose ceremony, Chris L. told Ali about his family. He’s got two brothers and talked very highly of them and the rest of his family. He’s emerging as a strong family-oriented guy. He hasn’t revealed yet that his mom died recently. He comments about his family: “they are who I am.” I’m trusting him and his teeth a little more now. Roberto spends some time with Ali, assures her he’s doing fine even without seeing her much in the past week. She’s giddy over him. He tells her about his baseball past. He gets a couple of gloves and they toss the ball. To accept baseball is to accept Roberto. There’s a good connection between those two. Later, Kasey’s time with Ali was interrupted by Clark—I mean, Frank the Smotherer and in one-on-one time with Craig M., Ali calls him out on his intentions. His disoriented jumbled responses did him no good. Cut to a shot of Jonathan standing in the shadows as Craig M. walks by. Storms-a-brewin’. Both of these guys are forgetting the reason they are there, however, Jonathan wins the battle by getting the last rose in the ceremony.

Here’s how the roses were dealt:
Frank (from the one-on-one date)
Ty (from the group date)
Jesse (from the one-one date)
Kasey
Hunter
Roberto
Chris L.
Justin
Steve
Kirk
John C.
Craig R.
Chris N.
Jonathan

Elimated were Craig M., Tyler V., and Chris H.

Check back next week for a recap of episode 3!

(click here for Episode 1 recap)

 

Ali Fedotowsky The Bachelorette, Episode 1.

Meet the Bachelors!

Cue music, cue last season’s highlights, cue Ali Fedotowsky! Coming off a tough breakup with Jake Pavelka where Ali was “forced” to choose between her job and her man, she chose her job and lost her chance at love, until now— the sixth edition of The Bachelorette! Before 25-year-old Ali met the twenty-five guys, she rattled off a list of promises for this season:

1. not going to let fear hold her back.
2. find “that guy”.
3. not going to let go of love this time.
4. going to be strong.
5. grow and become a better person.
6. leave with no regrets.
7. determined to get that great man and move forward with an open mind and heart.
8. hoping she’s standing in some amazing place with tears in her eyes looking at a man down on one knee asking her to be his wife.

Also, if you didn’t hear the first 10 times it was mentioned, she quit her job and “left everything” to come do this show which, according to Chris, will be a party like we’ve never seen before! We’ll be the judge of that, won’t we? Time to meet the guys. The first limousine arrives with five men inside: Chris H., Jesse, Chris L., Ty and Frank. All five later get a rose. The second limousine arrives with Justin, Jay, Chris N., Kasey, and Kyle. Three of these men get a rose. Roberto, Craig M., John N., Tyler V. and John C. all arrive in limousine three. All but one later get a rose. The next limousine has four guys that will receive a rose: Jonathan, Craig R., Steve and Kirk. The fifth guy, Tyler M., made a fatal error in wearing boots just like Ali did when she first arrived to meet Jake. Only Ali didn’t wear boots. Goodbye Tyler. Limousine five might as well been decked out in camouflage because Hunter the outdoorsman is the only one who gets a rose. The other four include Derek, Phil, Shooter and Jason.

All the guys have arrived and Ali steps inside to begin the mingling. At one point Ali is asked what she’s looking for in a mate. She gives the formulaic answer of a guy who’s smart, funny, and wants to treat her right. Wow, that narrows it down.

For a closer look on each bachelor, click here.

After watching the two-hour season premiere, I’ve chosen who will make it to the top three. Ali Fedotowsky will pick either Roberto, Justin, or Kirk. But will she keep her list of promises? Will the man she chooses propose to her in some amazing place? We shall see! Thanks for reading, check out my recap for episode 2 here.