Will You Accept This Prose?

If dating were only as easy as The Bachelor makes it seem! The show is more of a scientific experiment than it is a true attempt at finding love. That’s why when you include the unknown variable, the X factor called “life,” the experiment most often blows up.

Jake Pavelka

If you can prove the success rate of that show is higher than the number of Yanni discs you have in your collection, then I will be a little more optimystique (optimism + still a little confused on where they mysteriously find the contestants for The Bachelor). Until then, I will have the sincerest devotion to the old-fashioned romantic moments I hear about when my parents or grandparents tell me how their stories began.

In my time, though, dating is a little different from theirs. Only slightly different because although the form or fashion in which relationships happen has changed dramatically (with the onslaught of social sites on the internet, ability to travel great distances quickly, revolution in sound technology, and, oh yeah, the internet!), the fundamentals of solid dating relationships remain the same: communication, common interests, mutual friends, keys to imagination and similar world views. The Bachelor includes one, maybe two of these fundamentals, and therefore, is starting behind the eight ball from the very beginning. The reason the success rate’s extremely low is because the relationships are formed in a controlled environment, just like an experiment. Once the show is over and the elements are introduced into the “real world,” the variables can no longer be controlled. Variables like career goals, family, location, ethnicity, and many more. To further my argument that dating is much harder than The Bachelor reveals, I give you… exhibit A: High School Ben Wilder.

My dating life got off to a slow start and to be perfectly honest, my first real kiss was in 10th grade. If I could tell you that secret with little to no embarrassment, then I’ve made progress in the 15 years gone by since. I often refer to my high school love life as “the private years” but again, to be perfectly honest, shrouding those years in privacy makes my love life sound so much more mysterious and exciting than it actually was. Tracy the softball player*. That’s who I kissed. Out of silence my love life burst into song!

Whether we were listening to “Sukiyaki” by 4 P.M. or the best of Yanni at the time, I can’t say. I was just happy it happened. A quick encouragement to readers patiently awaiting their first kiss: Hang in there and dare to dream!

To sum up, I hope these personal reflections of passion (I wouldn’t call my example of dating passionate, actually) help to prove the point that in dating, as in real life, sometimes you got to learn the hard way, not the live-on-television way. And yes I’m talking to you, too, Jake Pavelka. Vienna? Really? Reconsider Sheila Lidner (or return to suprise Ali Fedotowsky this season) before you tell Vienna, in one of your best Yanni voices, “niki nana.” However, if you end up marrying Vienna I’ll make a toast in celebration of life… and I’ll look up and whistle while I’m walking.

*I refer to Tracy’s love life in high school as “the chameleon days,” because I later found out she is now a lesbian. Hope it wasn’t because of me!

Boney M in Viet Nam

I was sitting in the front passenger seat of a green taxi cab in Hanoi, Vietnam.  I felt pretty good about this taxi for two reasons…

1. There was a plastic box over the meter tracking our distance and cost. This meant the driver was less likely to dishonestly tamper with the meter, deceiving us into paying more. My sister and her husband were in the back, holding their new daughter Ava (click here for her adoption video) who was born less than a year earlier in central Vietnam. The plastic guard put me at ease, but that wasn’t all that contributed to the happy good feeling.

2. The music playing on the car stereo. This particularly catchy song playing over the speakers had such a vintage, timeless feel. The lyrics were fantasticly odd, too, with lines about “a man in Russia long ago.” I couldn’t figure whether the song was a new hit by a band like the Scissor Sisters, or a 30-year-old classic. I later found out the song was called “Rasputin” and guess what, it was from the 1970s. I became the biggest fan of the group responsible for “Rasputin,” they’re name was Boney M. Who?

That’s right, I said it, Boney M. Click here to find their best songs, from Amazon: Greatest Hits

The more you say it the less you’ll feel weird saying it, I promise.

I researched Boney M (say it again!), Boney M, and discovered more of their famed history. Why hadn’t I heard them in the States? They must’ve been more popular in countries outside North America, however, they are closely linked to a well-known U.S. band from the late 1980s. They’re connection to this U.S. band is Frank Farian, Boney M’s creator and producer, who later produced the lip-sync kings we all know as Milli Vanilli. Some Milli Vanilli hits include, “Blame It on the Rain” and “Girl, You Know It’s True.”

Vietnam produced for me a niece and a new appreciation for the international stars of Boney M. Soon after returning to the U.S. from my two-week-long adventure in Vietnam, I found out a Christmas song is credited to Boney M, as well. The song called “Mary’s Boy Child/ Oh My Lord” continues to be a very popular holiday song to this day. Boney M’s hits include “Hooray! Hooray!,” “Rasputin,” “Rivers of Babylon,” “Ma Baker,” “Brown Girl in the Ring” and “Daddy Cool.”

Even in 2011, Boney M is a popular band around the world, their songs being introduced to younger generations through avenues like YouTube and iTunes. Just type in Boney M on YouTube and you’ll see they are just as popular as Celine Dion’s hit “My Heart Will Go On” (Ok, that’s another story for another posting!). It just goes to show that good music is good music, no matter what decade it is, what continent you’re on, or what color your taxi cab is.

Spring Is Here!

I recently noticed the leaves on the trees in my backyard.

Spring is here!

One tree has a bunch of spinny things that float down to the ground. Another has some tiny green leaves. This weekend I will mow my grass.

Spring is here!

Television stations are airing finales and cueing up the re-runs. Flowers are blooming, the sun is shining overhead.

All this means one thing: Baseball is boring. And Spring is here!

Put down your Wii controllers and pick up a tennis racket. Turn off American Idol and go take a walk under the stars!

Spring is here… and the NFL draft already happened!

What In The K%!$#tchen Is Going On?

Here is my kitchen on a random weekday.

This image reveals 10 of my characteristics.

Let’s start with the obvious. You probably noticed the globe on the counter and the many bottles above the white cabinets.

Characteristic #1: Frugal and delights in the small victories of finding stuff like this at thrift stores, on beaches, or in the woods. Next is the attention-grabbing blue cup full of water. Characteristic #2: Personal health. Drinking water is a healthy thing to do (but what you can’t see is the pizza in the freezer, so this is an ongoing battle). Along the picture’s bottom edge you can see the corner of a dog crate. My beagle: I can’t control her, I can only hope to contain her…. in the crate. Ok, that’s not totally true. She’s a puppy and already knows how to “halt,” “sit,” and get in her cage on command. Bam! Characteristic #3: Leader of the pack. She’s the dog, I’m the master. And I’ll let you know when she believes that.

Now the not-so-obvious… to the left of the sink, below the cabinet, is the back end of a Maglite. This weapon is also used as a flashlight. Characteristic #4: Resourceful. Scanning down to the dishwasher you’ll see tape on the corners. I’ll take the tape off as soon as I stop buying stuff with tape on it. Characteristic #5: Procrastinator. Near the globe is a hardly-noticeable black phone cord and three, yes, three, power outlets. Characteristic #6: Powerful. With the power cord and multiple outlets, I can charge my Motorola Droid anytime and anywhere within those 4 feet. Near the stove, to the left of the wood figurines, is a small shark jaw. You’ve heard of having the “eye of the tiger”? What about having the “mouth of the shark”? Double bam! Sharp teeth are much more effective than a soft eyeball, I’m just saying. Characteristic #7: Sharp, not soft. Paper towels. The El Camino of the kitchen. Is it paper or a towel? Yes! Double threat and a triple bam! Characteristic #8: Double threat guy. Just left of the stove is a hot pad hanging from the cabinet knob. So obviously, characteristic #9: Hot. Lastly, the dishes in the sink. If you think this fits into the “procrastinator” characteristic (not washing dishes) or the “frugal” characteristic (not using dishwasher) you’d be wrong. Characteristic #10: Inclusive. See? Now my puppy can feel like part of the team.

 

“Clean the dishes! Gooooood giiiiiirl!”